Overly Emotional or some valid points?

[BlondeSailor]

I found out on Monday myself and DP are expecting baby number 2.

I had a miscarriage back in early May that I really struggled with and struggled seeing my partner not react to it. Additionally we had always discussed having 3 children, after DD(now 2) birth was incredibly traumatising we decided to only have one more after waiting 2 years to fully recover from c section, then about a year after she was born out of the blue, when we were talking about something else he said he didn't want another child. I was heart broken and made my head spin after the trauma with the first I was mentally prepared for one more. We eventually went to therapy to talk through it and he decided he did want another with certain things put in place (no ultimatums, just practical things as we have no family or friends to help us nearby).

Anyway, I have been very anxious and emotional this week, and he seems to not care at all or offer any support, I've still been getting up with DD despite feeling nauseated, doing all housework and cooking, partner hasn't acknowledged I'm pregnant in any way. I feel like he think "you've made your bed now lie in it". I want him to help me through this rough patch and I've been asking him but his responses make me really angry so I flip out and get emotional.

I don't really know where this is going, I just feel really sad and alone and cant talk to anyone because I'm terrified to tell someone and loose the baby, like I say we have no friends or family I can turn to about this.

I’m sorry for your loss, I know how difficult it is

Objectively it sounds as if he really didn’t want another child, but may have reluctantly agreed -what other option did he have?
Did you push for the therapy?
Did he agree to another child simply because you were unable to accept not having another child?
Maybe after the traumatic birth he had serious concerns about losing you/your DD and really didn’t want to go through that again?
Maybe he’s emotionally distancing himself now because he can’t come to terms with you being pregnant again when you (understandably) struggled with the MC, and he is afraid of it happening again?
Maybe he is struggling with the loss more than you think, and the new pregnancy is stirring up emotions he doesn’t know how to deal with?

Men really due process it all differently, and they don’t get the physical urge to be pregnant and have another child. I know I never felt DH was as supportive as I needed when I had 4 mc, but it doesn’t mean he wasn’t as upset as I was.

if you are struggling please contact Tommy’s the miscarriage charity. They have midwives trained in bereavement support, and there are forums so you can talk to other women who have been through the same. Maybe DH would find it helpful to talk online with someone too.
I’m sorry you are struggling, I hope things get easier soon
https://www.tommys.org/baby-loss-support

I’d look into getting some support together, some baby loss charities offer couple’s counselling. Pregnancy after loss can be really difficult, and men haven’t always been given the emotional literacy tools to be able to navigate complex feelings articulately.

He could be worried about you having another traumatic birth, or what another loss would do to you - but none of us are mind readers, and he may not even have properly sorted through his down feelings which is where therapy can help.

Connecting with other lose mums can be really valuable too - it’s hard as a couple fo have to solely rely on each other for emotional support when you’re both trying to recover from the same traumatic events. If either of you like podcasts, The Worst Girl Gang ever and Dad Still Standing are both good for helping loss parents feel less alone.