Anxiety in first 12 weeks. How do you cope/ not think?

[sellotape12]

I’m five weeks. And I just feel in a constant ball of anxiety that anything can go wrong between now and 13 weeks. Or that maybe something already has gone wrong and I just don’t know it. Does anyone have any top tips on trying to just forget this thing is happening or taking your mind off it?

There’s nothing I can do either way but I just feel daunted by the high risk of it all. We’ve had more than a handful of friends and relatives recently going through MC and I just feel like I’m preparing for the worst. I have an EPU scan on Friday. Hospital was so rude when they were making the appointment that I’m almost scared to go. I obviously will, but I just don’t know how to calm my anxiety.

I used to check that website (can't remember what it's called off top of my head) that tells you the statistics of having a successful pregnancy/not successful each week. I liked seeing it get more positive as the days went by.
I also paid for several private scans in between the NHS ones, just for reassurance.
Both of those things a lot of people would say make the anxiety worse, but for me it made me feel better, even if just temporarily.
I spoke to my midwife and doctor about my anxiety and they referred me to a talking therapy/CBT but it didn't help me much at all to be honest.

I also spent far too much time on the statistics website looking at all the numbers, probably not very healthy but I have lost several pregnancies (which is not usual) so was very neurotic.

I had to face the fact that worrying would not change the outcome, if the pregnancy was healthy and destined to be, it would be. If not, then it would be awful but I’d survive. I had to spend a lot of time reminding myself I could either try and be positive or at least neutral and go with it or worry every second and it would make no difference to the outcome or how awful losing it would be.

I allowed myself a certain amount of time every day to freak out and then I’d try very hard to actively redirect my thoughts on to something else. I tried to keep busy and do things that I enjoyed and made me as engaged as possible.

pregnancy is one of the most out of control things you can do. So trying to control it is as pointless as trying to count the grains of sand on the beach. Accept that you feel anxious, try and sit with the feeling without fighting it, and let it go.

Congratulations, one day at a time.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP. I know just where you're coming from. It's so difficult but please don't waste the next few weeks and months worrying about things which are totally out of your control. 9 months is a long time and you'll need all the energy you can get once the baby arrives.

All you can do is focus on the things you can control such as following the guidance on diet, avoiding smoking & drinking and being careful with medication etc. (but not obsessively).
I sadly had to learn this the hard way and looking up MC statistics didn't help in the end as mine turned out to be a rare type.

Try to distract yourself, do activities you enjoy, get out and meet people, pamper yourself.
Que sera, sera.

I found taking a day at a time. And weekly milestones and looking at the percentage decrease on this website.

https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart

Don’t have any tips OP but just wanted to say you’re not alone - I’m in the same boat! Hard not to worry but I’m trying to sit with the fact that I can’t control it and I’ve already beaten the odds to get pregnant in the first place (as have you - the chances of conception are pretty small generally)! Easier said than done sometimes though.

Sending relaxed and positive vibes your way!

I had private scans at weeks 6, 9 and 11. I was less worried about a spontaneous loss and more worried about turning up to my NHS scan at 12/13 weeks and being told at that point it's a missed loss. So the scans helped to reassure me there wasn't likely to be an mmc.

How come you're having a scan at the EPU OP? Honestly, there's no magic formula. The statistics are on your side that you won't miscarry, but that doesn't get rid of anxiety. All I would say is try to get someone to talk to about the anxiety, as it won't just go away on its own if you feel that strongly already x

I had a MMC, only it was 13.5 weeks. No indication anything was wrong up until that point.
All that worry and the worst happened anyway.

I feel like this but there's not much Ican do other than trust this pregnancy will work out! I had a late loss at 19 weeks two years ago so those miscarriage statistics mean nothing to me I'm afraid 😞 I have my 12 week scan on Monday and I just have to hope all is ok 🤞🏼 I am taking a bit of comfort in the thought that if it's meant to be it will be. And if not there's nothing I can do about that. I guess worrying won't change the outcome but it's so hard, especially after previous loss 😔

I’ve had 2 MMC and now pregnant again so completely understand. And I’m living scan to scan atm. I qualified for early reassurance scans with my EPU at 6 and 8 weeks and will book a private at 10-11 weeks. In between I keep myself busy with work - ensure I have a packed day so not much time to ruminate. Also distract myself with tv series i can get engrossed in and try have social plans or go to classes. Basically anything that means I’m not sitting and obsessing over it. I’ve also accepted this isn’t in my hands and I can’t change the outcome so what will be will be. Taking each day as it comes and not thinking much about future pregnancy milestones. I actually found it easier going for scans expecting the worst and being pleasantly surprised if it was good news. I haven’t told anyone but DH this time around and won’t till after the 12 week scan - that reduces the anxiety and pressure of other people talking about it. Basically I try to live my life as if I’m not pregnant as much as possible (bar nausea, fatigue and food restrictions) and hope for the best. Sorry the EPU weren’t friendly but the sonographers who
do the scan will be more empathetic than reception staff so I hope it’s better on the day.

Kept telling myself that I'm one pregnancy closer to one sticking.
That as of right then I still had one in me and had to just believe it was still alive.
Then at some point I have to pretend it's not there at all until appointment days which are full of anxiety.
I did extra scans at 5/6ish weeks (to confirm location and "viability") and 9 weeks (to help reduce a little of the anxiety) but they were with the midwife and doctor and not in the uk, otherwise I probably wouldn't have had them.
Didn't help ease the anxiety for long, not until I can feel little one moving around on a regular.

You literally just have to take hour by hour and eventually either you have a living breathing healthy little one or you're back in the ttc pits again. Good luck to you @sellotape12

Thanks everyone, some really good advice in here and lots of perspectives. I think I like the idea of allowing myself 10 mins a day to freak out about it then moving past it.
good luck to anyone else! It’s such a crazy time.

Why not book yourself a private scan at eg 9 weeks?

After my first pg ended up as a mmc (went wrong at 7.5 weeks) that was discovered at the 13 wk scan, for future pregnancies I tried to pretend I wasn’t pg at all so as not to get my hopes up. Obviously didn’t drink alcohol or take risks but pretty much told myself it wasn’t going to happen and to just see what happened at the 9 week scan.

Stats I saw showed that if things are looking good at the 9 week scan then they have excellent chances of staying that way, most mc (though sadly not all) happen before that point even if they don’t show until later on.

Ok thanks, I may just book myself a private 9 week scan then. Just found out this is what my friend has done to ease her tension following her MC last year

Ok so I had the scan. Was a nervous wreck. There is an egg sac! So I’m five weeks. Too early to detect anything else, so have been offered another early scan at 7-8 weeks.

I’m currently nearly 7 months pregnant with my second child and my biggest piece of advice for getting through the first trimester anxiety is keeping as busy as possible! I found it so hard with my first baby, I was okay if I was at work or occupied but if I had nothing to do I really just worried and it was awful- the 12 weeks honestly felt like about 2 years. This pregnancy I had a toddler to chase around & look after and I genuinely feel like I blinked after taking a pregnancy test and now here I am, so being busy and not having time to dwell has really helped me!

Thanks so much! And yes we have a spirited toddler too so you’re right on that front. I will try keep myself busy or start a new book or podcast or something. I really just wish I could put my brain in a jar until 20 wks. Congrats to you. Hopefully feeling better now?

@sellotape12 glad to hear your scan was reassuring! Where did you have it? I am 4 weeks 2 days and think I might like to have one for peace of mind. It's such a difficult time isn't it - as others say it's important to take one day at at time which I try to do but every now and then I find myself daydreaming about having my baby in my arms.

@kitkat2024 do yourself a favour and wait a bit before having a private scan. There's no point not being able to see anything. Try and wait until 7 or 8 weeks.

I am right here with you at 5+1 today. My first positive pregnancy test after 2.5 years of trying to conceive and having to go the ivf route (our first embryo transfer failed and our second frozen embryo failed to survive the thaw so this one is third time lucky). I am trying the distraction and one day at a time route. I have made a note on my phone called One Day at a Time and at the top I put how far along I am and edit it each day. Then under it I jot a checklist of things I need or would like to do that day to remind myself that I can and should still enjoy my life and move forward in small ways while waiting. My first scan is still a week and a half away when I will be 6+5 (going away for 10 days after that so it might be a bit early but fingers crossed everything looks okay). Great that your early scan showed an egg sac! I also have lots of friends and relatives who have had sadly had miscarriage at varying points so that on top of my fertility struggles (and my dad having cancer my 20s and some baaaaaad results from scans) means early pregnancy is extremely not something my brain is enjoying!

For me bleeding a lot throughout the pregnancy solved the anxiety, as there’s only so much worrying you can do. Accept what you can’t change etc.
Otherwise, it’s worth trying to adjust your mindset as babyhood and childhood are also endless sources of anxiety if you allow them to be.

It's a bit late now but the pregnancy I have had the least anxiety about loss in is the one where I didn't find out about the pregnancy until 7 and a half weeks! I think some times with knowing you are pregnant so early just ramps up the anxiety.

I have a daughter then had two miscarriages, both pregnancies passed around 10 weeks. One never got passed 6 weeks gestation, although took 8 weeks to get there, and I suspect the other was the same. I had early scans with the second pregnancy I lost and in my latest pregnancy. The first showed a embryo not growing at the appropriate rate giving me time to get my head around the impending loss and the other showed I was unexpected already 8 and a half weeks pregnant (no period between losses). 4 weeks was well within my ability of low level anxiety about what might have been without driving myself loopy. I am now nearly 36 weeks pregnant.

What is your EPU appointment for? I’ve had three miscarriages. I dealt with them (and first trimester) by thinking that most miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities and absolutely nothing you do can prevent them. I never get attached until I see my babies, although I do care for them obviously!