Boundaries aibu?

[MEW15]

Certain close family members of my partner have not made proper effort with my children at all, but expect me to drop everything for them when it suits. I have made it clear what I think without being nasty but still no effort has been made, now pregnant again not seen/heard from them so i have mentioned to my partner I will not allow them to meet the new baby straight away as it seems like they don't care in the first place but partner doesn't seem to understand. Aibu?!

Ok, three things:

• using your children (and their relationships to other people) to make a point is a weird and nasty thing to do
• the baby is your partner’s baby as well, this is not just your choice, and
• you will be much happier in life if you accept that people are who they are, and you can’t actually control their choices or actions.

@AlltheoldpaintingsI'm not using my children as anything. What I am saying is these people will not make an effort with my children at all then one day out of the blue expect us to drop our plans and take the children to see them. Which now it seems history is repeating itself with the child i'm currently carrying. Not saying they can't meet it, just that they can't expect us post partum to drop everything again to let them rush around :)

What are you actually expecting them to do. Just visit at a mutually convenient time. No need to drop everything

@Viviennemarythey currently expect that we should take them round to see them and when we're busy they take offence. They haven't attempted to make plans properly in over 12 months, many conversations have been had about us trying to communicate more or plan more things but nothing

Ok, so what you’re saying is just that you’re not willing to put yourself out for them? Obviously that’s different to what you said originally about not letting them meet the baby.
If it doesn’t suit you to go there, then just don’t, if they get annoyed about it that’s their problem. No need to fall out with your partner or make big announcements or anything - just say that you’re not able to go there right then and ignore any complaining.

This.

If it's not convenient for you then don't take them. Don't drop everything to meet up with them. Ignore any tantrums. Let them know when you will be available at your home/nearby for them to visit.

How would you feel if your partner didn't allow your family to meet the baby until he decides its acceptable

The original post made it sound like you were suggesting keeping the baby from your extended family in order to make a point about their attitude. That would have been unreasonable, but your later posts suggest that's not what you meant?

You don't need to drop everything for anyone. You and your partner can jointly decide when you're ready to introduce your baby to people.

One question that did come to mind, you say they "have not made proper effort with my children at all". I wonder if you can give an example? What effort do you expect them to make that they don't?

I'd put boundaries in place now. We've had to do this with my MIL and some members of my family - no visitors for 2 weeks (first baby, all 3 of us will need that time), we'll have visitors around our house, a quiet Christmas this year etc.