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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Husband in delivery room

11 replies

BubblePug1985 · 23/08/2025 19:18

So to explain I’m nearly 37 weeks pregnant and I am going to try for a VBAC this is my 3rd child but 2nd pregnancy. My husband was super supportive the first pregnancy and all went well. This time hasn’t quite been the same as he’s so busy with work as he works multiple contract jobs remotely. I can’t complain too much as he helps with the kids especially in the evening since I am heavily pregnant now.

A few weeks ago he made a comment about how it would be better for the baby to come at the weekend as he wouldn’t have to take a day off work. I questioned him on this about how it’s important he’s there but he seemed a bit cold and didn’t seem to get it.

Anyway I would prefer he was there but not to the detriment of me feeling like he’s not 100% with me. I would rather have my mum there who I know is there to help me and her mind isn’t elsewhere.

Shall I change my birth plan to include my mum instead? I honestly don’t think he will care he would probably just be happy to attend around work or get updates from my mum instead.

Anyway as you can imagine I feel so shit about this but I can’t be feeling like this during labour I need someone who is there to support me.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 23/08/2025 19:21

I’m sorry what?!
he’s going to be aggy about having to take a day off work to be there at the birth of his child
i would 11000000% have your mum with you and prepare to think about your future with him
and the LEAST he should be doing is sharing the load with the kids when you’re heavily pregnant
it’s not helping - they’re his children
im sorry OP, he doesn’t sound like a good partner

DeliciouslyBaked · 23/08/2025 19:23

Who is looking after your older DC whilst you are in labour?

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 23/08/2025 19:24

he’s total arsehole.

is he taking paternity leave or are you on your own for it all

sesquipedalian · 23/08/2025 19:24

All my children were born at the weekend. Chance, I know, but like you, I would not have been sure that their father would have been there had they come on a weekday.

FMc208 · 23/08/2025 19:25

God the bar is SO low for husbands on MN. It’s so depressing.

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 23/08/2025 19:27

Surely he’ll be needed to look after thr other kids if he’s not in the delivery room? Assuming your mum would have taken them otherwise.

Original poster
BubblePug1985 · 23/08/2025 19:29

So I just want to say he’s a great day and very hands on but at the moment his work is so busy and he’s trying to provide I guess.

Hes a contractor so won’t be taking paternity leave so my mum will have a week off to support me.

Originally the plan was my mum to have the kids when we I went into birth but if I change my birth partner he will have to step up which he can do around work as they will either be at nursery or school.

OP posts:
Original poster
BubblePug1985 · 23/08/2025 19:30

So I just want to say he’s a great dad and very hands on but at the moment his work is so busy and he’s trying to provide I guess.

Hes a contractor so won’t be taking paternity leave so my mum will have a week off to support me.

Originally the plan was my mum to have the kids when we I went into birth but if I change my birth partner he will have to step up which he can do around work as they will either be at nursery or school.

OP posts:
bumbaloo · 23/08/2025 19:35

sesquipedalian · 23/08/2025 19:24

All my children were born at the weekend. Chance, I know, but like you, I would not have been sure that their father would have been there had they come on a weekday.

What does your dh do take would make it difficult?

Superscientist · 24/08/2025 09:19
  1. Have the most supportive person in the delivery room with you. I wouldn't be pleased if my partner responded as yours did but during labour wouldn't be the time I wanted to tackle the attitude. For those hours and days you want someone who is completely present in the room not thinking about work
  1. The balance of work and parenting needs to be sorted before baby comes because the conversation will probably go better when you are less sleep deprived and without a screaming infant.
My daughter arrived 8 days early and my partner had several deadlines based on her due date. I was in hospital for 3 days after the birth and he has his laptop with him and whilst me and baby slept he cracked on with his work and got it mostly completed before we got home. First and foremost he was there for us and if we needed anything from him work came second but if we didn't he worked.

Once we got home although he was on paternity leave he worked an hour or so a day, again timed around our needs. On the upside he also had the flexibility once back at work full time he could spend an hour with us when I was in need - high needs baby and pnd.

There has to be balance and when you have a brand new baby and a postpartum mum there needs have to be met first and foremost.

sesquipedalian · 24/08/2025 16:23

bumbaloo · 23/08/2025 19:35

What does your dh do take would make it difficult?

Show quote history

OP, it wasn’t so much what he did as what he was - which was utterly
unreliable. You will not be surprised to learn he has long been my ex-DH. I knew that if I had phoned him at work, there would be umpteen things he needed to do before he could leave (because he was so important - not) and it did worry me that I might have had to wait around at home, or make my own way to hospital. In your situation, I would put both DH and DM on the birth plan - that way, you’re covered no matter what happens.

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