How to stop worrying about my unborn baby

[Joan69]

Hi!
Im 20 weeks this week and from the beginning of my pregnancy i have felt like something is going to go wrong. This is my first pregnancy and can be known to be quite a worrier!
I'm slightly overweight and worry about this effecting the babies health, which doesn't help.
All the women in my family seem to be fine with their pregnancies and when i voice my concerns they tell me to enjoy it.
I'm worried (shock) that i will look back and regret not enjoy this pregnancy.
Has anyone else that the constant dread of something going wrong?

I've struggled with this throughout. I'm a worrier already, on top of having had losses in the past, so throughout the pregnancy I've just been constantly anxious and assuming I'll lose it.

The only thing that's worked a bit for me is taking each day at a time and focussing on each small milestone. The time WILL pass. Enjoy the bits you can, but don't pressure yourself if that's too much. Making it through is a goal in itself.

You've made it to 20 weeks, and I have personally found the second half is going quicker so hopefully it will for you too.

Xx

Hormonal changes in pregnancy can exacerbate anxiety.

It's probably worth talking to your midwife about it to see if there's any support you can access, and to have plans in place for if it gets worse when baby is born

Thank you for your reassuring words, I will take your advice on.
With the milestones, I've just started him move around and it is fantastic!! Although, him not moving all the time makes me think the worst.
Any other advice on how often he should be moving around and what i should be looking out for?

Thank you so much!

You'll not see a true pattern until 26 weeks, i worried because my baby was moving about so much for 2 days at 24 weeks and then stopped for a day and a half (or what i thought stopped)
When to have his heart listened to and they said hes absolutely fine and you'l not notice a particular pattern until 26 weeks. Theyre right.
Im 28 weeks tomorrow and found that at 530 in a morning he will have a big wiggle, sleep for another 2 hours or so, then kick about at nearly 8 in the morning and then go quiet again until he has an hour or 2 in the afternoon having a wiggle, finding comfort, kicking me.

As long as you're feeling baby, you'll both be fine. If you need to have a scan go private but im sure you'll have a 20 week scan coming up.

Luckily i have a scan at 30 weeks and these last 8 weeks have gone SO quick! I sometimes felt like going for a private scan but then decided i could buy mire things with the money i spend on a private scan! Im now 2 weeks away from my 30 week scan and it seems to have flown by!

I had a lot of counselling during my second pregnancy due to having to have a termination due to foetal anomalies for my first. And the most important thing my counsellor said was - past a certain point, the vast majority of pregnancies will be fine. The vast majority of babies will be ok. Look around you at all the people who have been born! They were all OK.

I can't say it totally dispelled my feelings of dread, but it's something I repeated to myself.

My best friend was like this, felt anxious something would go wrong and had a bad feeling all through her pregnancy. All was well and she has a perfect healthy baby. Just sharing as it may be reassuring.

Have you had your 20 week scan yet? If not, hopefully you will feel a little more relaxed after this. If you are in a position to, you could also book a private scan in between your 20 weeks and due date- it just gives you another milestone to look forward to.

As someone else has mentioned, I also found the second half of my pregnancy went much faster than the first so hopefully this will be the same for you. Your little one is getting stronger each day!

I agree not to pressure yourself to enjoy it however try to remember that enjoying it and preparing for baby will not change anything, I say this as I think this is a common worry for many.

You mention you feel you are slightly overweight and this is causing you to worry about the baby- Dr Sara Wickham has some great resources on higher BMI/plus size pregnancy- you may find this quite reassuring!

Hope you feel better soon xx

Just to add to this, you might not have a pattern as in 5am this happens, 10am this other thing happens, but the baby will have its own pattern. Mine never did things at specific times but she almost always started moving within about ten-twenty minutes of me lying or sitting down.

I'd speak to your midwife about it and seek further help if need be

My first baby passed away and that fear never ever left me. I thought once my next babies arrived safely I'd stop worrying but I didn't.... it amplified. I saw danger everywhere. Constantly worried about waking up to them passing. It crept up on me too,

Mine are 10 and 8 now and I've never fully managed to get rid of that fear, but it's not as bad as when they were younger .... my sister has recently had a baby and she's so care free with her, I wish I could of been like that instead of living in fear all the time

Thank you this is so reassuring that other mums are feeling the same.
I have been struggling with when to go into Triage or when over reacting!
I have my 20 week scan on Thursday and counting down the hours!

Good luck to all new mums! And thank you for you kind words 😘

google EMDR therapy- it was a complete game changer for me when I couldn’t stop worrying about my little one! Highly recommend it as a practical step to tackling the worries head on xx