Becoming a 1st time mum @ 39

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Hey
Our fertility journey took years.
Finally expecting our ivf miracle early next year..
Gunna be a first time mum @ 39...

Looking forward to it

Any advice you'd give ?

Any necessities to buy ? - i like to be organised

Thanks heaps

Congratulations! I ended up buying a cuddledry towel as I was so scared of dropping my baby when taking her out of the bath. Also a nice soft carrier so you can baby wear around the house

Congratulations!! Similar story here only I was 41 by the time we eventually had our dd, after many years of IVF etc. Knowing that it would be the only time we experienced having a baby, I made a conscious decision to try and appreciate every moment - so often you hear parents wishing that a particular phase would be over, or saying they can’t wait for the child to get to a certain point. For me, even the hard parts (4 month sleep regression was the worst) were made easier by remembering that this was our one opportunity to experience this, and to appreciate that opportunity even if we couldn’t enjoy it! I’ve stuck to that all the way through, and even in these tricky teen years, I still try and maintain that philosophy and appreciate each and every day that we so nearly never got to experience with her. It’s not always easy, but worth it 🙂

On a more practical level, for the first six months at least eBay is your friend, so many new and unused baby clothes of good quality to be bought there!

Congrats!
First off you don’t need nearly as much as you think. A place for baby to sleep, a mat to change them, a car seat and pushchair. Then clothes, muslins, nappies, a washcloth, perhaps a baby bath…
And even though this is a much longed for baby, you may not feel that ‘rush of overwhelming love’ some people talk about. I didn’t. And the first few days may be a bit of a haze. And you may even look at your baby and think you’ve made a huge mistake! Just do it one day at a time, accept help whenever offered, and let your love grow. Babyhood is equal parts magical, frustrating, drudgery, boredom and exhaustion. But that first smile, that first time they call you mama… nothing beats it.
You will obsess over things - teething, how many poos, has he had enough milk? Milestones become competition - Jonny from baby group may be lifting his head up at three weeks while Mary is barely moving. Tim may be sitting up while yours is still trying to roll over. Then it happens and you’re on to the next obsession. Again, you know your baby best. If they seem happy, and are growing then you are doing a great job.

Congratulations to you!! ❤️

Others will give you advice but from me, just reassurance. A mother can be any age. A child needs love, protection, food and love. This baby is wanted and will be so loved by you.

You're doing amazing. Best of luck ❤️

I was that age when I had my first. Congratulations. They really do keep you young.

But...sleep deprivation is harder at that age, so please organise some proper respite if you have a non-sleeper. If I had my time again I would genuinely have remortgaged the house to pay for a night nurse twice a week so I could sleep through. Even taking turning with your partner to have a lie in at the weekend helps.

I had a nappy bag that fitted under the buggy which I kept stocked with nappies, wipes, cream, change of clothes, emergency milk (and later food) supplies, a healthy snack for me, basic medicine and first aid stuff. I topped it up every day so I was always ready to go anywhere at any time with DC. I liked to spend a lot of time out of the house when DC were small and it meant we never had to rush back for a nappy emergency or because they were hungry.

This is a really good post. I wasted so much time worrying about DC being delayed in certain areas without paying much attention to the fact they were advanced in other areas. Children develop in their own time. Obviously you want to keep an eye out for excessive delays, but usually there's nothing to worry about.

Also, just smile, nod, and say, 'Thanks,' when people offer endless and often misinformed advice. You know your child. Trust your instincts and don't be pressurised into parenting by committee. You know what feeding/sleeping/training/play routines and patterns work for you and your child. It's not one size fits all.

Congrats, keep it simple. They don’t need much. Buy things as you realise you need them would be my advice.

Don’t compare your baby’s progress to others . Most kids are at the same level when they start school . Say no and mean it , don’t give in to tantrums. Go for a walk with baby everyday . A backpack is your friend , leaves hands free . Read baby a story everyday , foster a love of books . Take a good photo of your baby every week up to the age of one . Relax , smile and enjoy . 😊

Thank you all - - much appreciated

I was the same age when I had DS and nearly 41 when I had DD. Did IVF once, DD was a frozen embryo.
i just loved it all. DS sneezed on the day he was born, I was so impressed. The most useful thing the we had was a small chest of drawers in our open plan lounge/diner which I put a changing mat on top of and filled the drawers with everything I needed for nappy changes. It was great. Obviously you couldn’t walk away and leave a baby there.
i loved seeing other babies doing things. I didn’t compare my children to others. So long as they reached their milestones all was good.
My big aims were to get through a day without my babies crying and provide a childhood rich in experiences. It worked reasonably well I think.
Have a wonderful time, it is a blast

Congratulations, I also became a first time Mum at 39 via IVF. Personally I would say the most important thing to remember is that every baby/ Mum/ family is different and what works for someone else won’t necessarily work for you; lots of people forget this and assume their experience is universal which is particularly annoying when they try and give you unsolicited advice!

I also like to be organised, I looked at some of the ‘what to pack in your hospital bag’/ ‘what you need for a new baby’ lists online and made a spreadsheet of what I planned to get for the baby’s arrival and then looked on EBay and Vinted for anything I was happy to get secondhand. I found there was more we wanted to get than I’d expected; my husband wanted a changing table, I was happy with just a mat but I had an unexpected emergency caesarean and the table came in really useful. I had some stuff I didn’t really use (e.g. newborn size clothes as my child was bigger than predicted and grew very rapidly and swaddles which she just didn’t like) which I will be quite happy to donate/ pass on whereas if I’d carefully chosen and bought new I might’ve been disappointed my child didn’t get to wear them. Given how fast she grew I was pleased I had baby grows and vests upto 6-9 months already washed and organised before birth as it was one less thing to think about. Also, my husband was unexpectedly quite ill around the time of birth and it was nearly Christmas so I was happy we had pretty much everything we needed and didn’t need to be asking family and friends to go out and get things for us. There were a few things I ordered online after birth, like a breast pump, as I didn’t want to commit to spending on them until I knew what we’d be doing.

Some retailers do discounts for new parents - the Amazon baby wish list gave 15% off some baby related stuff and a free gift plus Amazon was great for next day delivery on stuff we couldn’t have predicted we’d need. We also got 15% off frozen Cook ready meals which came in useful and Boots parent club used to give the occasional free gift and extra points I think.

Finally, I made a list of baby activities nearby and joined a local Mums’ WhatsApp group so I had things I could join/ do without too much research once we were ready to get out and about.

A very long shoe horn - ikea did a metre long one. Great for the mid to later stages of pregnancy and post partum so you don’t have to bend down to put on your shoes.

Towards your due date find a breastfeeding cafe/clinic and visit - invaluable for BF advice. Post partum go back and get them to check your latch is optimised and you’re aware of a variety of feeding positions to try. I wish I’d gone in week 1 when I thought everything was great rather than week 4 when we were already struggling. If you have no issues it’s still a lovely time to chat and have tea and biscuits and talk about how it’s all going.

Ditto for sling library - get someone to show you how to use a stretchy wrap, and go back later for advice on other carriers.

You don’t need as much baby stuff was as you think. Get Amazon Prime, get the baby wish list for the discount, and just use next-day delivery. Your can also get loads for free on Facebook hand me on groups.

If you’re not committed to a natural birth then ask for an epidural early! C-section was great for us.

Im an older mum with a new baby too. For my first we had changing table that was a bit too high for me, so I thought next time I’ll change on the floor. The next time I found changing on a wooden floor was so hard on my knees and back! It was much easier on a soft carpet though.

It’s definitely physically a little harder as you get older. So use whatever you can to make life a little easier.

Also a FTM at 39 after a long journey!

I knew we would get baby clothes as gifts and that people would buy us a range of sizes so I made some little “newborn” “1 month” “0-3 months” “3-6 months” dividers for the wardrobe and drawers.

I’m so glad I did this - we got so many lovely clothes and it meant I could wash them as they arrived and “file” them in the correct place so that I didn’t need to sort through clothes to find things in my post partum haze and also meant we didn’t waste any clothes by baby outgrowing them before they were used.