Pregnant...DH in late 50s

[treefrog89]

I'm not sure what to do.

Just found out I'm pregnant, which has surprised me as I thought I was in early menopause. We have a bit of an age gap and one 5 year old already.

Is it unrealistic to go ahead with this? His age concerns me and he wouldn't want another child. He is very active (think completing iron mans and marathons!) and hands on with our 5 year old so his health doesn't concern me as such but still.

Also financially it would be tight but we'd manage.

At the same time, I don't think I felt done having children and secretly would love one more. I just don't know whether I'm living in fantasy land and we've let it just that little bit too late.

Help!

I’d argue with older parent (s?) it’s probably better to have a sibling than be an only child.

Do what feels right for you and your DH.

Some will say it is too old. My DH was in his mid 50's when our third child was born. He is active, and our children are happy.

My sister, on the other hand, had her two children when she was late teens / early 20's. She died at the age of 43.

I know it's a shock but congratulations!

Can I ask how old you are ?

Agree.

He was already old when you had the 5YO seems odd to deny them a sibling for this reason.

As an only child with older parents I had to care for them alone which was not fun.

Generally I'd say late fifties is too old...but, you already have a young DC so I don't think it's such an issue

Please consider the high risks of SN, especially autism, with an older dad.
Would you be able to cope with an SN child, especially with an unwilling dad?

My dh was in his 60’s when we had our (planned) Dd. Go for it! The baby is made, you have a good set up, your older child will have a sibling. What’s the question??

What do you want?

If you want another child, then go for it.

What has he said? Have you told him or are you waiting to work out whats in your head/heart?

The question is do they WANT the child

My husband was 60 when our youngest child was born. He was a surprise too, so I understand a bit of how you are feeling.
It has been fine, with distinct advantages. Our son started school about the same time as my husband retired, so childcare is never an issue. He has endless time for our children, and does most of the fetching and carrying for them, as well as being able to teach them the skills his father passed on to him (shepherding, fishing,fencing, roofing etc). His time is a huge gift for the children.
Now he is 74, he is starting to slow down a bit, but only from a fast run to a moderate jog!
If you want this baby, then aborting would be damaging for you. There are potential problems with any pregnancy and I hope this one goes well for you. My last birth was by far the easiest, and our son is a real joy. I hope you get the same.

He can’t be that opposed to another child if he got you pregnant.

I think the " Go for it' comments have missed that the husband doesn't want another child. Course he should have had a vasectomy.

I don't see the difference between mid to late 50s he was an older dad when your 5 year old was born still be an old dad, have a baby if you want it will give your eldest a sibling that will benefit them.

I am assuming you are late 40s do you think you could cope with a baby ?

I get the sense you want this, and so I say go for it. Things will fall into place, and I agree it would be nice for your 5 year old to have a sibling if they have older parents.

Thank you all, nice to hear some positive stories about older dads too.

I am nearly 40 and I also have a 17 year old so the younger one does have a sibling but obviously not so close in age. I think I do want this, just a bit nervous about telling him. I'm sure it will all work out in the end, now I'm just hoping it sticks!

Sorry I assumed you were a bit older, if you want this pregnancy speak to him, I actually think your body/life your choice on this, his needs and wants are secondary, if he was sure he didn't want another baby he should have had a vasectomy.