Can toddler tantrum stress cause harm to my unborn baby?

[Lou5290]

The 3, nearly 4 year old rage is unreal with my daughter and I’m struggling to cope with it. Most days we have at least one major ear-piercing completely disregulated tantrum. Often it’s multiple times a day. Rarely we’ll have a day of no tantrums, which is absolute bliss. She is the sweetest child deep down but clearly finding it very hard to regulate at the moment. I am finding it so hard to control my own anger and reactions to the tantrums. I’m so worried that the daily stress of it all and the repeated adrenaline/ cortisol spikes that the tantrums cause me are going to have an impact on my second baby which I’m pregnant with (24 weeks now).

I’m trying so hard to let things go, reduce expectations etc. But her shouting and physical outbursts trigger such a strong internal reaction inside me, even if I don’t get outwardly cross (I also get cross sometimes)

It doesn’t help that we’re in the middle of the summer holidays so she’s off nursery for 8 weeks. My husband works long hours so isn’t very present during the week. I work 3 days a week and my parents help with childcare. I’m also feeling so physically strained by this pregnancy.

I’m just mostly concerned about her tantrums and elevated stress levels in the house having an adverse affect on baby number two’s development in the womb. Is this a thing or am I creating more unnecessary stress for myself?

So she can't regulate her emotions and in turn you can't regulate your emotions because of.her being unable to regulate her emotions. Do you see where I am going with this? What is your 3 year old angry about how do the tantrums start ? I think looking into her behaviour before the baby comes will be more beneficial than. Worrying about development which will be ok imo.

There is some evidence that stress in the third trimester can increase the cortisol levels in babies in utero. This is so when they arrive in the world they are prepared to be aware of danger. However, the level of stress that will trigger this response is in the extreme "my life is endanger" levels of stress such as war and terrorism. There was a study done on pregnant women in the twin towers for example and they and their babies had raised cortisol in the third trimester.
The stress of a toddler whilst unpleasant for you won't be causing harm to the baby.

I wouldn't worry about it affecting the baby at all. Just shit for you in an already challenging time!

I'm trying not to be unkind here but - your second baby, like absolutely every second baby ever, will be fine even though their mum doesn't get to relax as much as in a first pregnancy and sometimes gets a bit stressed by their older sibling. How else could the human race possibly have survived?

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I think your baby will be fine. A bit of agitation and anger won’t raise your cortisol and adrenaline too high.

I would look into why you are experiencing such strong reactions to your child’s outbursts though. Is it triggering a fear inside you? Get to the root of it so that you can remain calm and are able to hold space for her emotions.

So no concern over how to help DC1? How to teach them to manage their emotions? What will it be like when DC2 arrives? Will you o my be concerned for them? Do you see my theme here?

Of course your baby will be okay. Humans have carried babies through much worse than a toddler tantrum.

Put some energy into calming and regulating your child. Make sure they know that they matter too. Hugs. Play. Appropriate punishment when they misbehave.

Parent.

I’m trying so hard to let things go, reduce expectations etc

Doesn't seem a very good plan. You need to help your child manage their emotions and part of the way you do this is with clear boundaries and expectations.

Your baby will be fine.

Baby will be fine, women all over the world are pregnant during terrible situations like war and natural disasters yet manage to deliver healthy babies. You getting bit stressed because of a toddler will not hurt a baby.

Kindly, concentrate on your little one who’s already here. If she’s struggling now she may do more so when she’s a big sister so it’s best to try and resolve this soon as possible.

Hi @everyone . Thanks to those who’ve replied with empathy and referred to research, which is what I was getting at! No thanks to the replies implying I’m not parenting or being a bad parent by not caring about my daughter! Of course we’re supporting her as much as possible. I wasn’t asking for parenting advice, thank you. What a horrible, toxic and judgemental platform this is! I’ll be deleting this thread and will be very wary of posting again for support- remember your replies are anonymous but still impact people who are struggling. Think twice about what you say, how you say it, and if you need to say it at all.

@StMarie4me you seem to have made a huge assumption that I’m not parenting. Do you really think I don’t play with my child or hug her? I won’t give this reply too much extra thought as it doesn’t really deserve the time or headspace but take a moment to think about the impact of your anonymous words next time you reply to a post from someone who is clearly feeling a bit vulnerable. My question was about the impact of stress levels in pregnancy, not about how to parent my child.

@LittleBearPad we’re working on that already, thanks. My post wasn’t asking about how to parent, but thanks anyway for the unsolicited advice. Please think twice about if you need to reply to a post next time, your words can do more harm than good.

Good I’m glad because your post said the opposite.