Nervous to become a mum in 3 weeks

[zinrlow]

Hi everyone,

I am 27 years old and am 37 weeks pregnant. I have been really excited throughout the pregnancy and am looking forward to becoming a mum. I’ve got everything we need, have his nursery ready and have been spoilt by friends and family it’s been such a special time.

However, as we are getting closer, and realistically baby boy could arrive any day, I am starting to feel differently.

I am starting to worry about this massive change in my life, things will never be as they were again ever. I will never have the freedom again that I once had, I feel like I’m going to lose my identity and also I am worrying in general on how I am going to be able to look after a baby and know what to do! I’ve also got my little dog and am getting emotional thinking about the dynamic changing for him.

Has anybody else felt this? Are these feelings normal? I just feel as though it’s a massive stage in life and I’m not quite sure what to expect

Totally normal! It's a massive life change/event.

Don't have too many expectations, don't go in with set ideas of how things should be. Everyone will have a different experience and you'll get people telling you all sorts (how their baby slept through at 6 weeks, what feeding method is best etc etc).

It's your postpartum period so don't be afraid to tell people what you need, want or don't want!

And although totally cliché, it does go by too fast 🤗

I feel completely the same! Due date is tomorrow (think he'll be late though) and this pregnancy took a lot of effort to get through fertility treatment (same sex couple) and very much wanted. Every now and then it dawns on me that I'm due to give birth any day and also will be responsible for a tiny human. But I think the fact we're nervous is a good sign about how much we care. My wife is also feeling the same! Very excited though of course but a big change incoming, worth it though 🥰

Definitely normal! I was not a “baby person” before having mine, and it’s the best thing ever. But it was a bit of a worry beforehand

Also, yes of course you will lose your freedom for a bit. That's the nature of having a tiny baby! You don't say whether you're planning on breastfeeding or bottle feeding. One option gives you more freedom. And of course a lot depends on how much support you have in place - partner, family nearby etc.

Thank you so much everyone 🥰 I think it’s the waiting now, I’m on mat leave and have everything sorted so I’m left with my thoughts now and worrying about everything. I’m hoping that once he arrives then it’ll become my new normal and all of these feelings and worries will go. I haven’t worried about labour at all throughout, but as we’re getting closer I’m worrying about that too!

@strawberrylaces12congratulations! I’m glad it’s not just me feeling this way. I hope that all goes well for you, how are you feeling any signs of labour yet? X

Not going to lie, your life is about to change beyond imagination and it will never return to how it was. But it is quite possibly the best thing you'll ever do. Enjoy the ride!

I have three and I did not lose my identity at all. I still went traveling, for example. They all had their passport applications in three days after birth. (Cutest pictures ever.) I took them on business trips with me, too. And they honestly honestly are more of a super intensive wonderful hobby than a chore.

Your life changes but it also changed when you get a boyfriend, when you move house, when you change jobs... It's just another variation of another change. Not being a mother didn't define you, and being one doesn't change who you are.

Good luck, hope you enjoy your firstborn as much as I did!

Thank you! For the last week ish I've had more braxton hicks, period type pain and backache but to be honest I've had those for a few weeks on and off really. No immediate signs yet, I just think he'll be late 😂 it's so weird waiting for things to start because it could be 2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks away. Like planning in anything in with family and friends is just having to be very flexible and often last minute. How about you, anything you've noticed? I know you're a few weeks away yet. I'm nervous about the birth but also very much like well what's going to happen will happen, the priority is that he is delivered safely!

@Scottishgirl85@Zezetthank you both for the lovely comments, it’s so comforting to hear others experiences. I don’t doubt it will be hard, but everybody says that becoming a parent is the best thing ever! I’m very lucky for family support as well which I’m hoping will make things a bit easier

I remember feeling this way just before having my first.
It is a massive life change but it is great op. The first few weeks are a whirlwind of crying , laughing, and everything in between. Lean on your family if you need them , and be open about how you feel. I barely remember who I was now before having my children. They are the best, and I love being a mum - it is lovely.

@strawberrylaces12I totally get you, don’t want to make many plans or go anywhere far in case something happens! I’m trying to enjoy my last few weeks of peace but then it’s hard to enjoy while being so uncomfortable isn’t it 😂

I’ve had the same period type pains, I have got a shorter cervix so I was fully convinced that I would go early so it’s actually really shocked me that I’ve made it to 37 weeks! I have no signs of anything yet so knowing me I’ll go late after all the worry throughout of going too early lol.

All the best to you and your wife, I hope the little one doesn’t keep you waiting too long🥰

@Fourteenandahalfawww that’s so lovely, thank you for sharing! I know that I will be an emotional mess, I find myself crying for absolutely no reason as it is but im just going to go with it and hope that all goes well 😊

I’ve felt like this through every milestone in my life, getting engaged, buying our house and moving out etc, I think I’m just not good with change but I soon adapt! X

Haha definitely especially now with this heat 😅 for a while now, and happening more often as time goes on, I've felt him stretch out and I'm sure he's pushing right down on my cervix multiple times a day and I'm convinced my waters are going to break but nothing actually happens. I guess everything just feels more sensitive but is more robust than I think 😂

Aww thank you, you too!! Keep us updated on here 🥰

Absolutely normal. Breastfeed if you can as it makes getting out easier when you dont have to faff with bottles. Babies need a fair bit of kit but they are easier to travel with than toddlers, make the most of the early days.

I felt like that right through my first pg, I was 33, 34 by the time he arrived. I cried periodically through my pg. For 2 weeks after he was born I just wanted to give him back and run away, I tried to work out how I could get him adopted without upsetting anyone. Seriously, where was my head, lol. Then one day, I was home alone with him. He cried and I picked him up, on automatic, then I sat and looked at him, truly looked, and it hit my like a sledgehammer in the chest, the love was intense. My love for him still hits me like that and he’s 23 now. He has recently moved away, I miss him terribly, but I’m so proud of him. What I wouldn’t give to just hold my baby and gaze at him, just once more.

You’ll be fine, I’m not telling you it is easy, or that you’ll never reminisce about your freedom again, but what you’ll get in place of that is quite simply bloody amazing. Good luck with your birth.

Aww bless you, it's totally normal thoughts you're having! I was 41 weeks and had 4 weeks of nesting, batch cooking and binge watching shows sitting on a gym ball. I was in a state of denial that id ever go into labour by the end but midnight exactly 1 week overdue the cramps came. Cherish this time, you're about to embark on a rollercoaster but a great rollercoaster that feels like will never stop but then stops too soon. I still look at my now 7yr old in disbelief that she used to be the tiny thing that nestled into my neck after the night feeds 🤗It is an adjustment losing your freedom but you adapt quick and babies are so portable. Family support definitely makes it easier too, you've got this!

Not a lot of point worrying about changes going to happen because they will and you’ll take each day as it comes. You won’t stop being you and can still go out and do things you love, you’ll just find a different way of doing them or decide that the hangover isn’t worth it, however, you’re a good few years younger than I was when I had my first so perhaps you have youth on your side!
You won’t lose your identity, you’ll gain another as well.
Oh, and none of us ever feel really ready or really know what to do, really. We’re all just winging it, even the ones who ‘look’ like they’ve got their shit together or talk like they have!!
Best piece of advice I was given was don’t listen to how well others say they are doing it, how their baby sleeps, feeds, counts in twos etc. it’s all bollocks!
Congratulations by the way. I loved my mat leaves and tiny squishy babies.

I've seen that you've got a shorter cervix, when was this discovered. Dd2 had most of her cervix removed due to precancerous cells and at her last ultrasound she was told her cervix had shortened quite a bit. She is almost 25 weeks and has been given progesterone pessaries. I really hope she makes it to 37 weeks.

It’s totally normal OP! I had an unexpected induction at 39 weeks and cried the night before because I didn’t feel ready. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I couldn’t imagine what my old life was like. Now I’m pregnant again and feel the same about having two!

Thank you so much everybody, these comments are so lovely and are so reassuring to read so thank you thank you thank you!❤️ I’m very excited x

@ManthideI could have written that myself! The reason for my shortened cervix is also because I had the LLETZ treatment to remove pre cancerous cells which is why I was referred for cervix scans at around 20 weeks, they had removed quite a bit of my cervix so I was also put on progesterone pessaries up until 34 weeks.

i know how worrying it is, as I was so desperate to get to atleast 30 weeks but I am now over 37 weeks and all is well 😊 sending best wishes to you and your daughter!

@zinrlow so relieved to hear that! I've been worried sick since she told me. She had an ectopic pregnancy last year and then struggled to get pregnant again and she had a placental abruption when she was in labour with her first and needed an emergency c section. Thankfully noth baby and her recovered well.
With my first baby I remember sitting in a chair with a screaming dd1 and thinking what had I done! But I ended up with 4dc so I must have thought it was okay. I think emotional and practical support is the key and if you have both you'll both be fine. Wishing you all the best!

Oh sweetheart! Yes it is totally normal, I’m sure most people feel like that unless they are totally in denial!

I felt like that and my baby was very overdue (nearly 3 weeks!) so I had started to feel like she would never actually arrive. I remember once she did arrive I had moments of sheer terror about the permanency of having her and almost like I had a ball and chain as I couldn’t just pop out spontaneously etc. I also breastfed and she refused to take a bottle for ages so I couldn’t really go too far afield if I ever did manage to get out.

once your baby arrives just nestle down and get through the first few weeks. Don’t feel obligated to do anything but get to know your baby. Dont be surprised if you cry a lot - you’ll have hormones rushing around your body, you’ll be exhausted and overwhelmed. It’s all very normal.

I found things gor a lot easier once my husband went back to work. I was so scared but it forced me to get into a routine. I met a couple of local baby groups and they were a godsend in those early days just because they totally relate to what you’re going through at that time and they are happy having boring conversations about whether you should go ip a nappy size or add an extra scoop of formula etc. Parenrs with babies or children even just a bit older forget each stage, so def try to find some new mums around the same stage as you.

we went to groups, did lots of walks, got into a little routine and it was great. I loved those early days with my baby girl (she’s 14 now!) and she became my tiny best friend. Then I remember worrying when I had my son that I wouldn’t love him as much or he would take me away from her but it was all fine and I love him just as much.

when you come up for air I have two books that I found invaluable - The Baby Whisperer by Tracey Hogg and The Wonder Weeks.

good luck, hope everything goes really well.

Completely normal, just ride it out and once baby arrives you will be absolutely fine don’t worry about feeling this way I remember it well x