Pregnant with #2 and struggling with MH

[Tireddddddd]

Hi all,

we have a 16 month old DD and I am currently 5 weeks with baby #2. Although this baby was very much wanted, I did not expect to fall pregnant on the first go- I will absolutely never complain about this as I know it can be a struggle for so many. But to say I am in shock doesn’t even cut it.

I had just started to feel like myself again, I gained 3.5 stone in my last pregnancy and now back at my normal weight, going to the gym, DH and I enjoying sex again and feeling connected to each other. Etc

We have always said we wanted a 2 year age gap, and that is exactly what we will have… but for some reason I do not feel anywhere near as excited or ready as I thought I would. I worry I won’t be able to spend as much time with DD as I have been so far, and that she will find the adjustment tough.

I’m terrified of going through postpartum again, particularly the changes to my body and how much that affects my MH. DH and I struggled badly last time and although we pulled through and are now stronger than ever, I’m not foolish enough to think it will be easy on us having a toddler and newborn.

And to add to all this, when I’m pregnant my husband isn’t interested in intimacy as much. Says he sees me differently, as someone he wants to nurture and protect rather than have crazy sex with. I understand his point and know he of course doesn’t have ill intent (the opposite of anything), but it doesn’t help my feelings of “here we go again, I/we won’t go back to normal for another two years now” and therefore feeling resentful to the pregnancy.

Please tell me someone else is/has been on the same boat and things get better afterwards?
I love this baby with all my heart but can’t seem to shift all the negative feelings associated with it.

There's two years and a week between my two. A baby and a toddler isn't too tricky - the only thing you can't do that could before is swimming. I would just bung the baby in a carrier and carry on as normal chasing my toddler around soft play or the zoo, and fed on the go in the carrier. Get a decent one though, I loved my ergobaby embrace. If you're comfy and the baby is comfy it makes such a difference. The tricky adjustment period came later, when the baby started to move and grab toys. That was HARD. But initially, my oldest was absolutely fine about the new arrival so we had a good eight months to get to know each other before it went temporarily downhill. Morning sickness and a toddler is very hard though, so make sure your husband gets to use his protective nurturing side on taking your oldest out and you getting some rest!

Regarding the weight gain and gym, there's no reason that you can't keep going for a long time yet and minimise any weight gain. If you're in a routine just keep going, and eat your usual current amount plus pregnancy vitamins. You don't have to resign yourself to putting on extra weight (other than the weight that comes with having a baby - extra blood, fluid, the actual baby!).

Pregnancy second time around just isn't very exciting. You know what to expect, and being pregnant is pretty shit. It drags on. There aren't any new milestones to experience for the first time. So probably part of what you're feeling is that as well.

No advice about the sex part other than part really, hopefully someone else has some ideas! X