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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Unexpectedly pregnant, and feeling overwhelmed

6 replies

Alexandra84 · 23/07/2025 20:59

So, much as the title says, I felt a little off the last few days, bought a test in supermarket car park, used their toilet, and yep…it’s positive.
To add some context, we have two children. One has cystic fibrosis, and I swore I would never allow us to cause the impact of her condition on another child.
I had a termination two years ago when little one was unwell, and I realised I couldn’t cope with being her carer, and a new born.
Last summer, I then experienced a miscarriage at 8 weeks, after having seen a heartbeat at 6 weeks.
I’ve spent the last year pulling myself together, trying to deal with fall the heartache from so many issues, going to do dd’s diagnosis to losses, all without any professional support, and just when life was starting to make a bit more sense, dd is doing really well, this happens. I can’t even figure out how as we used protection, but somehow it has.
To add further context, I’m 41, and have recently felt that it was okay to pursue this when I was 40, but now I’m that tiny bit older, just let it go and be happy with that I have (this is no way a reflection of anyone a finale age/older, just a reality check for me).
So…f**k. I feel that given age, possibility of inheriting CF, and to top it off I’ve been taking MJ for the last 2 months, this is just not meant to be. But it breaks my heart to think I could give my girls another sibling.
Similarly, I don’t think I could cope with their needs if a baby were born with its own needs.
Telephoned DH today, but no one else to talk to, or to begin to try and explain the chaos of the last few years.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
PinkFlloyd · 24/07/2025 05:14

I didn't want you to feel like no one was listening and if you'd received replies I probably wouldn't have commented because I'm not in your shoes. You have 2DC, one with CF, I imagine life is already hectic and difficult at times. I have a relative with CF, albeit now adult, but I remember the toll it took on the family both at home caring and regular hospital appointments and stays when they were younger, all of which were in a specialist unit 60 miles from home.
This is your decision, obviously, but you do have a lot of plates spinning already. Be gentle with yourself.

autienotnaughty · 24/07/2025 05:27

I have a child with autism and I absolutely wouldn’t have another child as it would be unfair to both of them. Really tough situation for you though. Down the line you need to re think your contraceptive, for me it would be vasectomy (for him) a double method like coil and condoms or abstinence.

catbathat · 24/07/2025 05:35

You are told when you are prescribed MJ that it can affect the efficacy of contraception. So that is probably why you are pregnant. Am I correct in reading that you have had 3 accidental pregnancies in 2 years?
What do you think you will do this time?

Alexandra84 · 24/07/2025 09:10

PinkFlloyd · 24/07/2025 05:14

I didn't want you to feel like no one was listening and if you'd received replies I probably wouldn't have commented because I'm not in your shoes. You have 2DC, one with CF, I imagine life is already hectic and difficult at times. I have a relative with CF, albeit now adult, but I remember the toll it took on the family both at home caring and regular hospital appointments and stays when they were younger, all of which were in a specialist unit 60 miles from home.
This is your decision, obviously, but you do have a lot of plates spinning already. Be gentle with yourself.

Thank you for your kind words. I think I know deep down that it is all too much to juggle.

OP posts:
Alexandra84 · 24/07/2025 09:14

catbathat · 24/07/2025 05:35

You are told when you are prescribed MJ that it can affect the efficacy of contraception. So that is probably why you are pregnant. Am I correct in reading that you have had 3 accidental pregnancies in 2 years?
What do you think you will do this time?

The first was planned, but i terminated based on a hospital stay with Dd. The nurses kept referring to ‘during the next stay’ and ‘next time’ and I thought that our future would be made of endless time in a hospital, which I couldn’t manage with a new born. The awful reality is that we’ve had no more hospital admissions since then.
The second wasn’t planned, but we said we would manage with whatever thr outcome was, but sadly that wasn’t to be.
I think the reality is it’s too much to handle, and of al of the outcomes which I hate myself for, if anything led to me not being able to care for Dd as well as I can, then I’d hate myself the most for that.

OP posts:
Roofroofroof · 27/07/2025 20:42

Hi @Alexandra84 how are you?

I hope you came to a choice that was right doe you and your family and you are okay? It sounds like a complicated situation x

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