I need help from older mums!

[OlderMumSendHelp]

I honestly don’t know what to think right now. I’m about to turn 42, and I was sure I was heading into perimenopause. My period was late, I’ve been feeling off, and I just assumed it was that. But on a whim, I took a test.

It’s positive.

I’m completely floored. I have two older kids, and I really thought I was done with the whole baby thing. I didn’t think pregnancy was even a possibility for me anymore, especially at my age. But here I am, staring at this test, and my mind is just blank.

I’m overwhelmed, terrified, and honestly, I still can’t wrap my head around it. I’ve read so many different things about pregnancy at 42, and I’m not sure where to start. I haven’t told my husband yet. I don’t even know how to break the news to him.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle the shock, and what should I be doing next? I’m honestly just lost right now.

I hate to be so negative, but my biggest advice would be not to tell the kids yet as I had 4 miscarriages (after healthy children) all between the ages of 40 and 42. All were before 12 weeks. Obviously tell DH, but try and put 'new baby' out your mind for now.

I found I could get pregnant at this age, but as the quality of my eggs was clearly poor that I lost the babies as soon as they started forming and things went wrong. We'd been so excited that this was awful.

Obviously I really hope that everything goes well for you - but it was a massive shock to me having had children with no issues, I just assumed everything would be lovely. Having to tell the older ones we'd lost the baby was dreadful (twice) after that we didn't tell anyone, thinking we'd wait until after 12 weeks or so and it never happened.

I really hope you have a happier experience than I did.

I had my 3rd child at 41 and was keen to have another one. I had a 1 in 20 Chance of downs but amniocentesis was fine. I know some people who started trying for a 2nd child at 45 and in my antenatal it was a real mix of people with at least 3 of those who were 42/43. There are risks of course but it’s not that uncommon. I guess it’s up to you if you’d like another at this stage in your life. I’m now mid 50s and ok the Kids are teenagers but wouldn’t change it for the world. Good luck op!

I'm so sorry for your losses 💔

I got pregnant at 42. Was just the easiest pregnancy ever, felt great throughout after a couple of weeks mild morning sickness. Elective c-section due to other non-age related issues, amazing easy baby who is just the most amazing creature!

@OlderMumSendHelp Thank you - and I really hope things go well for you. I'm now retired, and actually fairly accepting of the thought of what was (or wasn't) meant to be. I was lucky that we already had children, and I think the fact that it felt 'greedy' to be wanting more when some people can't have any helped me a lot.

Obviously I really hope things turn out differently for you, and I felt bad being so negative, but I just wish someone had told me that getting pregnant was probably the easy part, and didn't mean there weren't problems ahead. I was so blind sided when my later pregnancies weren't as smooth as the ones in my 20s and early 30s. Glad to see that other people have far more positive stories.

Best wishes! 💐

I still haven’t told DH. I know it sounds silly but I’m scared to. He’s on a business trip this week so I don’t want him worried about me. I’m feeling relatively okay, I have that strange sicky feeling but aside from that, I’m feeling good

I had my last child at 42, but my other children were still very young at the time. If I had already been through the Small Child phase and come out of the other side, I’m not sure I’d have wanted to start again. Even with the close ages, neither of us were sure we wanted to go through it again. It was me that made the final decision to proceed, though, and I think that did have an effect on our relationship for a while. I think my husband would have been happier if we had decided not to proceed.

As far as the pregnancy went, I had gestational diabetes, but the delivery was fine, and I ended up with a healthy baby. The potential risks of anomalies at that age are much higher though, and hence the risk of miscarriage. (Sorry to those who have experienced that). I found bouncing back got harder with each pregnancy, though. I think I have been tired ever since the last one was born.

So the question is, what do you feel your options are? Is this something you want? Another child; the impact on your life and finances; the risk that there may be complications. Did you feel that your family was complete? Would you regret a termination at this very early stage?

I had my last baby at the age of 44, apart from terrible morning sickness it was all fine and he’s a joy but my next youngest was 9 (eldest was 18) and it was a shock going back to the baby stage.
this September he starts school and he’s going to the same one his siblings went to, it will be 19 years since I first started taking my eldest so I’m feeling rather old there!
At the end of the day it really depends on what you want, it’s a shock now so take some time to think about it but the fact you are asking for peoples experiences of having a baby later and whether it was ok suggests you want to go through with the pregnancy?

I was childless when I conceived out of the blue at 44. I was down to one tube and half an ovary by then. It was a real shock. I assumed it was a false positive until my GP told me to go and buy some home test kits.

I was told I was unlikely to carry to term, but after handing the test stick to dp, and a few days thought, we decided to take it a day at a time.

Pregnancy was easy, no nausea or issues. Worked full time until 38 weeks. Eventually gave birth naturally at 40+4. Healthy 8lb boy, all good.

He's 17 now. It hasn't been a problem at all, BUT I didn't have two other dcs to look after. On the other hand at least you will know what you are doing 🙂

The only specific allowance I made for my age, was to consciously improve fitness to ensure I could keep up. I took up running at 48 and martial arts at 50.