Why am I so scared of giving birth again?

[scaredbirther]

Currently 24w pregnant with my second after 5 years, I’m 22 and had my DD at 17. The birth was spontaneous at 38 weeks, straight forward, took about 6hrs start to finish and I had no tears or pain afterwards. I keep being told the second will be even easier but I’m secretly terrified while trying to convince myself not to be. I wasn’t a bit scared the first time! I think it’s because it’s a different partner who is much taller and bigger than DD’s dad - DD was 6lbs 13 and we’re not sure how big this baby will be. And I also don’t know if I’ll be as… elastic as the first time. But surely if the first was fine, the second will be too? I need reassurance, all I see everywhere is horror stories about emergencies and labouring for days and inductions. Help!!!!!

You'll be more elastic if anything, and your body knows what it is doing. You're also now in your prime for popping out babies, as 17 is young. You've got this. Could be super fast, be ready to catch!

I think its perfectly natural to feel apprehensive about the whole process again. I also worried a lot about what would happen to DD1 if anything happened to me. But my experience was a 12hr labour for DD1 at 38w (5lbs 12oz) and then a 1hr labour for DD2 at 39+3 (6lbs 3oz). Gas and air, one push, super easy! So fast that DH nearly didnt make it and the anesthesiologist was still setting up her equipment for the epidural i asked for. So given you had a good birth the first time round, id be thinking about home birth or making sure you have a solid plan for dropping everything and getting straight to the hospital for your second.

Does your hospital do a 36w scan as standard? If so, youll get an idea of growth / size too. Im 5'8, DH is 6'2 and neither of us are "slight" in build 😳. We just produced these quite little babies together. So there's always the chance that this baby won't be much bigger either.

My consultant midwife said that in many cases the second vaginal birth is the easiest one youll ever have - obviously first time around is tricky, and then 3rd onwards start to have additional complications. So thats also worth bearing in mind. Remember you can always talk to your midwife about how you are feeling - they will hear this all the time!

I understand this because my 1st birth was everything I needed it to be even with induction but if I was to ever fall
Pregnant again I’d be petrified.

I feel like it’s more worrying because it can only go the same or worse!

Because you know what’s coming. First time it’s the unknown, but second you know it hurts. Even a straightforward uncomplicated birth hurts. It’s not nice to be in pain. What you’re feeling is normal, but the likelihood is you will have the same sort of experience this time round. Your body is at more of an advantage also as it now knows what to do!

Thank you. Sadly they don’t do any scans past 20w as I’m very, like bottom of the list low risk. I had scans every 2 weeks with DD due to being under a special “underage” team so it’s a lot different this time. So we will have no clue how big he is unless I book a private scan which we may do later on. I’ve basically been left to it really! DP is 6’1 or so and his entire family are humongous giants 😭

I gave birth to a nearly 11lb baby 3 months ago. Didn't know how big he was so it was a homebirth with a pool and g&a and it was absolutely fine. Didn't tear at all. I was laughing and joking up until transition and then focused during the pushing stage, which did go on a bit like my first birth but I focused in and it was grand. Was up and about the same day.

Even if it is a big baby, doesn't mean it's going to be a bad birth or result in instruments/ csection.

Totally normal to be nervous and congratulations on your growing family.

Thank you! Gosh 11lb 🙈 You are superwoman!

You could pay for an extra private scan nearer the time if you can afford for reassurance?

@scaredbirther

this!! I feel it and it’s so normal to feel. I’d give birth again atleast twice if I knew I’d get it rhat little bit better or the same 😂

congratulations and I’m absolutely sure things will go fine it’s just the mind and the fear of the pain doing this 💜

Maybe because you know what to expect this time? I found the pain shocking the first time but felt more in control the second because I knew what to expect.