Please help I'm so overwhelmed

[Runnergirl27]

Me and the husband have decided to start TTC.
Let me be clear in that we got married in April but have been together a long while and not had protective sex for well over 2 years. He doesn't have a high sex drive so not overly regular and I was on and off contraception for the whole time previous to then not having any at all.

We have decided to actively start TTC.
I've been using one-step (Amazon) ovulation sticks and been taking preconception vitamins.
So far none of my test strips have shown a line as dark as the control line and from what I've read, it needs to be darker or as dark as the test line to show as ovulation?!
I can see lines but just faint or visible but not as dark as test.
I've only just started tracking mind and I did take period delay tablets from 26th April till 2nd may for our honeymoon.. had very short bleed after this and what I assumed was a normal 4 day period after.

Early days but can anyone help me .
I'd like to know
What are the best ovulation strips that are affordable to try
Best tips and tricks for getting my body baby ready
Any tricks for making his libedo better??
I don't want to 'schedule' sex but feel we have to ?
Is this all normal? After this long to not have even had a close call ? I know we haven't been overly active sexually but I still feel like something should have occurred right?
I'm so scared something is wrong 😭
Please reassure me!

I tried ovulation strips but they never worked for me. I panicked thinking i wasn’t ovulating but I got pregnant so must have been. Not sure about the differences in brands.

I think scheduling sex while it sounds unromantic is just practical if you want to get pregnant.

kindest way possible - put the sticks in the bin.
I have 1 DC and currently 34 weeks with the next. They never worked for me, and only made me more anxious. Mine never went dark and I constantly thought I wasnt ovulating.
We ended up just relying on the mucus method which worked every time (I also had a few miscarriages but that was due to scarring - which we knew about)

On average for a healthy couple it can take up to a year to get pregnant.
Throw the sti ks, and just enjoy sex without trying.

Me and my DP were trying for 10 months before we managed to fall pregnant.
We were trying and nothing was happening.
So we went to the not actively trying stage and within a couple of months it happened. It can take time!

Perhaps try charting your temperatures with a basal thermometer instead. I did this for a few months (you have to do it very carefully first thing every morning) and then you can predict when you're going to ovulate. I got pregnant the first month of trying and we didn't have a lot of sex (just made sure it was at the right time).

Do you have regular menstrual cycles (apart from the honeymoon one)?

If yes and no other metabolic health issues, you likely ovulate at a regular rate. In that case the advice would just be to have sex every 2-3 days from cycle day 5 onwards. Cycle day 1 is the day your period starts.

As unromantic as it sounds, scheduling sex is your best best - especially if your dh doesn’t want to do it that much. Try the Clue app to track your cycle as it might give you a better understanding of your cycle. For one month could you invest in the clear blue ovulation tests as they are easier to use?

Thanks you all so much for your comments I haven't read about the mucus method so I'll go have a look and see what's involved.
I think I'll try a new brand next month to at least say I gave them a go and then bin them entirely if it's just makeing me feel like it is now !
Really helpful guys, I have explained to the husband it can take some time so we are prepared mentally that it's not just gonna happen, but I think, naively , I would just magically fall pregnant just like that ! Which is totally unrealistic...

Thank you all for Ur advice and reassurance!!

Hi,
I went through the same thing. After 2 years of ttc we referred ourselves to the GP as we weren't having much luck.... we tried the ovulation strips & like you said scheduled sex is not romantic. Sometimes I would just do the strips and ask hubby to check whether I am or not ovulating so it's not always down to me to initiate the sex if I am ovulating... I would say the strips worked for us and I am 11 weeks into my pregnancy. & after falling pregnant the infertility clinic gave me a call for my appt.... its gona happen, just have to be patient & take the pressure of urself when u are ovulating... fingers crossed for you .xxxxx

Do you have regular periods? It’s not super clear from your OP. If so you should notice other signs of ovulation like an increase in cervical mucus.

If your husband doesn’t have a high sex drive then tracking your cycle is probably the best way for you to conceive. When you say you haven’t had protected sex for 2 years presumably you have had sex in this time? So you’ll need to track your cycle probably if you want to conceive unless you start having absolutely loads of sex!

You need to understand your cycle to maximise your opportunities to conceive.
We struggled for over 3 years to conceive our 1st and then it was very quick with our 2nd.

My cycles werent regular so the ovulation sticks were useless. It may be the same case for you?
I took my basal body temperature readings each morning and input them into the Fertility Friend app which gave a graph. Temperature rises with ovulation and drops when your period is about to start. If pregnant it remains high.
You would need a basal body temperature thermometer though which you can get in Amazon.
Track your cervical mucus too. Its more like egg white around the time of ovulation.

Scheduling sex is necessary but once you know your cycle it should become easier.

I'd say don't schedule sex so early on your TTC journey. We tried naturally for 3 years and honestly it does a number on your sex life and your relationship. It'll put a lot of pressure on both of you, especially if his sex drive is low, TTC won't make it better. Sure, be aware of your bodies signs (like clear abundant cervical mucus) but don't let it put pressure on you both.

I was relieved when we started IVF because the sex pressure was out of our hands.

Ovulation sticks have their pros and cons. Until I fully understood how they work I was stressing that I wasn’t ovulating, the same as a lot of people here have already said. The trick is to do them multiple times a day and use an app such as Premom that you can scan them with and get some actual data. It’s a pain to start with, but as time goes on you’ll have a better idea as to when you’re likely to ovulate and hit your peak. You can peak and be back down to almost nothing within a few hours. They do work, but it can become a bit obsessive.

It worked for us, 2 weeks until our little one is due ☺️

Hi OP.

Years of fertility treatment here so I've got a bit of experience.

The thing to understand about ovulation tests is that they detect a surge in hormones which can for some women be a window as small as a couple of hours. Some people find it is difficult to catch that tiny window.

I don't think the brand particularly matters and I would recommend against going out and spending loads of money on different brands - they mostly do the same thing and there's a lot of marketing in fertility.

If you are someone who has a small window, ovulation sticks might just not be the right thing for you, and you really don't want to get into a situation where you become obsessive about testing - that way lies madness!

It's also important to note that, even if you do detect a surge, you don't have to have sex literally in those couple of hours.

There is a fairly large window when you are fertile really - as long as you are having sex regularly and in days surrounding your ovulation, you will have a good chance of getting pregnant.

There are other indicators that you are ovulating or close to it, such as increase in what they call 'egg white mucus'/ discharge, increased libido, etc - look out for those as well.

You don't have to catch your exact surge. Sperm can live for around 5 days so even if you had sex a few days before your surge, or up to a day or two after, you can get pregnant.

How old are you both? If you're under 35 and otherwise healthy, then it's a bit unusual that you've had unprotected sex for 2 years (even if not that frequent) and haven't got pregnant at some point.

I would really advise you just both go and get a fertility MOT as that will give you a starting point to work from. It's better to just go and get the facts from a professional than faff around with home testing and trying to figure things out yourself.

thank you everyone.
to clear things up, we are both 32. I do have pretty regular cycles now. since coming off all contraception 2 years ago my periods are on time, predictable but about 4 days total.
i do use the Flo app, (albeit the free version) just to see when i should be starting my period/ovulation.
i just this month started using the ovulation sticks to see if it ties in with what Flo says.

random update on those: i peed on 2 sticks on 16th and the line was visible but very dull/light. i peed on another today out of curiosity and its bold and dark again. We had sex last night, and id say my discharge was egg white , so perhaps today is my ovulation? Flo predicted the 14th for peak...

@zzmonstera thank you for your in depth response. what you highlighted is why im worried, i too thought it odd that after 2 years we havent even had a happy accident. ive had periods that have been 2 or 3 days later then i thought they would be so perhaps i had a chemical? i have tested once or twice but never seen a positive pregnancy test. we do plan on going to the GP if we are still in this situation by xmas. just to put our minds at ease!

@JungleRun21 thank you - i will look into the thermometers. :)
@Newanxiousmum awwh thank you so much!! GL to you too!! how amazing for you!!

@Runnergirl27 Honestly I would not wait until Christmas to see the GP, I would just go now.

It can take a very long time to get through the system if you do need to. I have a friend who had one single round of IVF on the NHS - it worked first time - but it took them two years in all from first appointment to getting pregnant.

Our own journey was a bit more complex and it took over five years. I'm now pregnant but it was long - simply because of wait times in the NHS. We ended up going private.

If you don't need it, that's great - but if you do, you really don't want to waste months.

If you tell the GP you have been having regular unprotected sex for over 2 years at 32 years old and are not pregnant, they will do some tests for you both.

I'm not saying there's anything to worry about - but you may as well get them done and you can keep trying in the meantime - if it works then great!

Good luck xx