Is it normal to not want any pregnancy bump?

[TheCornishGoodLife]

I’m almost embarrassed to post this because it’s so ridiculously shallow and vain…
Basically I’m 31 and 19 weeks pregnant (first baby) and have a bit of a bump starting to show.
However, I have a bit of a fear/negative feeling about the idea of any sort of pregnancy bump.
I have always wanted to be a mum, and this is very much a dreamed for baby. But I’m very lucky naturally that I have always had a small waist, flat stomach and visible abs without working out (thank god because I was not so blessed at all in other departments haha). However, now I feel fat and I kind of hate myself and the way I look now. I’ve lost my favourite part of my body and I feel gross. I’ve not actually put on any weight so I know it’s a baby and not fat, but I’m finding it hard to separate that in my mind.
I'm terrified my stomach will end up massive and never go back to any sort of resemblance of the before.
All I seem to read about is people desperate for a bump, but I am desperate to not have one at all. The idea of being massive terrifies me. It’s almost making me overly conscious of what I’m eating. And it doesn’t help that for as long as I can remember, my mum has always spoken about how small her pregnancy bumps were.

I know this is really stupid and vain, and my husband is supportive and amazing, but anyone else experienced this? And how did they cope with it?

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it

Hi!

I totally understand how you’re feeling, I’m also 31 y/o and 19 weeks and have started to get a bit of a bump this past few days. I’ve always had a smaller stomach and waist compared to the rest of my body so I definitely feel pretty body conscious right now.
My mum had a massive bump with me and I think things can be hereditary so I think if your mum was on the smaller side carrying you then you might have a smaller bump throughout. Whereas I’m veryyy concerned I’m going to be huge haha. I think so far my abs have tried to hold out but I think they are starting to give up 😂

I will say regardless of how you’re eating you will probably get a bump eventually, so I really wouldn’t restrict your eating/calories! Just try and make sure baby is getting good nutrients if you can! I don’t have any particular advice other than to hang in there, you will get back to your post baby body if that’s something that’s important to you! My friend had twins and with a lot of hard work with diet and exercise is looking absolutely incredible 9 months on and you wouldn’t never know she’d been pregnant!

I know this can all be a taboo subject, but you aren’t alone! A lot of women are praying for the bump but I completely relate to where you’re coming from! You’ve got this mama!! X

I remember my first and having these feelings (at 23)
I unfortunately wasn't gifted in the genetic pool to have flat abs and so worked really hard to be slim (to my standards, naturally am a size 8 anyway but not naturally toned) and after teen and early 20s having difficulties with food and body image/dismorphia the idea of having a bump was terrifying.
I think the bloat in the first trimester also doesn't help. I got a bit of a bump a little earlier than 19 weeks I think? But turned out, I'm one of those wierdos who actually enjoys pregnancy, so when I started being able to feel baby move at about 24 weeks, in my head bump turned into actual baby and it wasn't too hard to look past. It did make me determined to keep fit during pregnancy and to get back to it pp too.
Second, when I showed a lot sooner, wasn't even nearly a problem. (At 24)
This third however (im thinking because its been one heck of a while at 32) I struggling with a little because I also started off with a little extra wobble on me. But that being said, I can sort of see the difference where baby is definitely making me stick out and not just the extra me I have on me.
As for recovery, honestly, you'll go back. I imagine you'll be one of those people I envy and have flat abs 3weeks pp 😅 and even if it takes a little longer than planned, remember that it took 9 months to get to where you are and grow a whole actual human. That's pretty impressive. But it might take longer to "bounce back" so to speak
Hope this helps ease your mind a little

I totally get this. I'm 35 and nearly 16 weeks pregnant. I've been the same size since my late teens and work hard at the gym to maintain. During the 1st trimester I felt too low energy to go to the gym, but needed to eat more to fend off the nausea. I've now got a bump which is probably a combo of bloat, baby and a few months of no gym and developing a sweet tooth which never bothered me before. I'm worried being older it's going to be even harder to get back to original size. All my favourite jeans are feeling to too tight and I hate to admit I'm slightly attached to my clothes. I think having a safe space to vent is so important, as I find as this baby was very much wanted, people sometimes negate some of the struggles to get there, despite wanting the end product haha. I hope like previous poster said that once I feel it move ill realise it actually a baby haha. But support how op feels in this journey and think your feelings are totally valid!

You need to discuss this with your midwife. You are at risk of developing disordered eating due to these feelings and it may impact on how you feel post partum too. Ask for some support. It’s nothing they won’t have heard before.

I didn’t particularly want a bump either tbh and couldn’t get my head around all these women on social media who post photos of their bump, their partner kissing their bump, showing their bump next to a piece of fruit etc etc… it was all a bit bizarre to me! But, the bump comes with the territory and you have to make peace with it and try and remember that underneath that bump is a lovely baby growing bigger and stronger!

I think once you start to feel the little kicks you might feel a bit more connected, but just be sure to not become so fixated on it that you’re not eating enough or eating healthily. First pregnancies you tend to grow slower, my first one I continued to eat normally and never got into the “eating for two” habit and did gentle exercise all the way through, I put on around a stone and a half and lost it all within three weeks of my son being born. Took a bit longer to tone up again but I very quickly felt like myself again afterwards physically, so don’t worry that it’s going to be like this forever, but you do need to make sure you’re prioritising your own health and little one's health and not getting too hung up on it!

I was like you, really slim and fit and less than thrilled about losing my figure.

But a neat bump with no unnecessary fat elsewhere is a thing of beauty.

I gained 20 pounds with both pregnancies and my stomach recovered really quickly afterwards.

If you haven't gained any weight so far, then you may get lucky and be back to normal quickly.

I only gained 20 pounds when I was pregnant (due to horrendous sickness) and my stomach was flat right after I gave birth.

How have you got to 31 wks with only bit of a bump!?

this was me at 16 to 20 weeks! That said, I had massive babies- around 11lb mark.

Aside from that, I totally get it. I remember the panic with my first child. There’s not much you can do about it except make space for it. Look after your skin to help with any stretch marks and try and enjoy it. As strange as that sounds. Many many years on, I enjoy looking back at my bump In photos.

There’s no reason you can’t get back to where you were before. It may take time. Everyone told me I would lose the baby weight and shape with breastfeeding, I didn’t. Because I’m naturally quite slim, my body held onto the weight until I stopped breastfeeding then it dropped off..

I don’t mean to be annoying just trying to give some perspective to the OP

I think you are at the stage where you just look a bit bloated and strangers wouldn't know you are pregnant, And Actual bump is a better thing. Once you pop you will feel better I think.

You need to talk to your midwife. Not gaining any weight at all at this stage isn’t good.

Thank you SO much for all your lovely replies - I’ve read every single one carefully and I so, so much appreciate them all! It has made me feel a huge amount better and less alone with my feelings.
All I saw before now were people excited to have a bump, so I’m so glad that I’m not the only one with mixed feelings about it.
I have been prioritising the baby so haven’t been cutting back calories or restricting my food, but I’ve not been eating any more than I usually would, which I think is okay? I’ve been trying to continue as normal.
I think it’s surrendering control which I’m finding challenging - realising that my body is no longer just mine for now and to make peace with that. I also miss feeling strong and energetic, but I’ve got to be patient for that - I was quite sick in the first trimester and still suffering from exhaustion (all been checked by the midwife and I’m all good), so I’ll ride that out for now.
We’ve decided to find out the gender at the 20 week scan next week because I think it’ll maybe help me to connect with the baby a little more, and focus on getting excited about our new arrival.
As a lot of people mentioned, I may feel happier about it when I’ve got a more obvious bump rather than feeling like I just look super bloated.
I’ve also decided to get some new clothes because I’ve been feeling a bit down about things getting tight which hasn’t helped, so hopefully that’ll help a bit.
I honestly can’t thank everyone enough for all your amazing and supportive comments, and for being so understanding and non-judgemental - you have helped me so much ❤️