Miscarriage

[2026baby]

I’m not really sure why I’m writing this—it might be a bit of a ramble—but I recently experienced a missed miscarriage during my first pregnancy at 10 weeks. I’ve never known emotional pain like this. My heart truly broke when the sonographer said the words, “no heartbeat.”

I’m incredibly lucky to have a supportive husband and a strong network around me. Talking to people has helped, and I’ve been surprised by how many women I’ve spoken to who’ve also experienced baby loss. Still, I keep wondering—how do people actually cope with this?

I took four weeks off work, and my workplace has been amazingly supportive, but now that I’m back, I just can’t seem to find my rhythm. I’m struggling to be productive both at work and at home. It feels like other people somehow bounce back faster, and right now, I just can’t see when or how that will happen for me.

To make things harder, the medical side has been dragging on for six weeks with complications, and I’m still testing positive—which just adds to the emotional weight of it all.

I guess I’m reaching out in the hope that someone who’s been through this can share what helped them. I want to start taking care of myself again, but I don’t really know where to begin.

I'm really sorry for your loss 💕

I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in 2023 and it completely broke me. I was so happy pregnancy was finally happening for me, so to lose it was just devastating and I still think about it all the time.

There are definitely some people who bounce back quickly, but just know that not everyone you see being "fine" is actually OK. I took no time off work and would have seemed normal to most people, but at home I couldn't stop crying.

Don't put pressure on yourself to get over it. Of course try to keep up with friends, normal activities etc, but it's OK to be struggling. It's a horrible thing to go through and you're not alone with it 💕

I'm so sorry for your loss.

For me, my miscarriage was my second child. I think this possibly makes a difference, for obvious reasons I think. I had distraction. I too tested positive for a while after (2 months I think) because I had retained tissue. I chose to wait for it to come out naturally, and it did, during my second period post-miscarriage. When we were ready to try again (4 months later), I then had a chemical pregnancy. The very next month, I fell again and I'm now nearly 5 weeks along. The anxiety after loss takes away the excitement for sure. My MC was 5 months ago (was 11-12 weeks along) x

I am so sorry for your losses and thank you for sharing your story.

One thing I have found hard to be honest is most of my friends who have experienced loss, experienced it between the first and second child so had distraction like you say.

I just also feel like I will never get to experience being pregnant now without the anxiety of thinking this will happen again. A friend of mine called yesterday to say straight after her scan to tell me she was 12 weeks pregnant, I am so happy for her and she doesnt know about my loss but I am so envious of women who haven't got that worry of announcing too soon in case something goes wrong

1 MMC, 3 chemicals, one live birth.

I don't think I ever bounced back. Think I was much better when DC was born but once we started trying for #2, it's all come back to me.

Wish you all the best and don't compare yourself to others because we don't know what happens behind closed doors 💕

4 MMCs, now pregnant for 5th time and keeping everything crossed! No living children.

My first miscarriage hit me so damn hard. I ended up on antidepressants and in a really bad place. It took a long time to be able to move forward. I know friends who have just put their miscarriages down to "one of those things" and except feeling a bit sad for a few weeks, we're genuinely fine. I think what made it worse for me was how long it took to get pregnant, this definitely made the loss feel more significant.

There's no right or wrong way to feel to be honest - all of mine have hit me slightly differently, and the hormone fallout has been a bit different with all of them. With my third I was sobbing uncontrollably on the floor for about a week but as soon as the hormones cleared up I felt so much better. Give yourself time and grace. There's no set timeline on grief. My losses all affect me still, just less frequently as time goes on. Xx

Hi

Im sorry for your loss. My first pregnancy was a MMC at 9 weeks. It took me 9 weeks to test negative due to retained tissue. I found that period the worst as I couldn’t even try to move on whilst it was still happening. After I tested negative I found it slightly easier to move forwards and started ovulation testing so I could try again. I’m not going to lie, it was still hard and I had many down days, but at least when I could ttc again there was a bit of hope. I was lucky enough to fall pregnant 5 months after the negative test and had my daughter.

Thank you for sharing your story and sending prayers your way for your current pregnancy.

I just feel so dramatic needing so much time. I took 4 weeks of work and still feel horrendous working from home and need to check out a lot yet the day after I found out the baby had no heartbeat and took the day off one of my friends who also had a missed miscarriage last year asked if I would be in the office the next day.

I'm sorry for your previous loss and congratulations on your now daughter x

I definitely agree, it has been 6 weeks so far since my first scan with no heartbeat and still testing positive and waiting has been awful. I was so hopeful it would be all over in 3 weeks and we could TTC again as I feel like me and my husband just both need something to look forward to and give us some hope again

It's a personal thing. I had two miscarriages last year and for me the fact that I came from a family that has always spoken about losses it didn't come out of the blue but it still was a shock. My nan had a miscarriage, my mum lost my sisters twin, my sister had 2 miscarriages the other a termination for medical reasons, one cousin had an ectopic pregnancy and the other had a lot of miscarriages. I have had a family friend who had a still birth and my dad was born at 28 weeks. All except one has had healthy children and it has been a personal choice not to have children. It can feel pretty bleak that it's impossible to have children as losses are so common but it is possible and that has given me hope.

Talking to people has helped nearly every woman I have spoken to has experienced loss. It has helped me feel less alone. My first miscarriage came out of the blue. I started spotting one evening and I passed the pregnancy the next day. The second miscarriage I was having early scans at the epu and we knew it was unlikely to be a viable pregnancy.
I took a few days off work with the first loss and then got back into "normal" life and it did weigh heavier on my mind. The second loss I had already had a month off work with hyperemesis and went back to work a few hours after the loss but I didn't get back on with normal life in the same way. It was in the run up to Christmas and I worked from home for the rest of Dec and the first week of January as I wanted to avoid Christmas talk and for me working but not being social was a better combination for keeping occupied but having time for me compared to the days off followed by going back to normal conversation. It was the conversations that I found harder plus one of my colleagues was pregnant with almost the exact same due date as me.

I found the due date for the first loss hard but I had also just been made redundant and had my colleague given birth. The due date for the second loss was last week and it didn't occupy my thoughts in the same way. With knowing from early on that it was unlikely to succeed I don't think I was as emotionally invested in that pregnancy. I'm also pregnant again and in my 3rd trimester and it is starting to feel real but I still can't bring myself to buy things.

I've had 5 MMC and I didn't "bounce back". I was absolutely heartbroken, especially the first time. I never really "got over it", just sort of got used to it. In a way, that first one was harder than any of the others.

Don't put pressure on yourself, lots of women take a long time to get over it, you absolutely aren't the only one. It's devastating, and you're not even over the physical side of things yet. Xxx

Thank you.

And don't worry about anyone else's timeline. They are irrelevant to you. You take the time you need. You're grieving a loss, it's not over dramatic. I hope you have a good support network around you xx

Sending prayers and love for the remainder of your pregnancy, that you and your baby continue to be healthy.

I agree, most of my friends and family have had losses but I feel like you just always feel it won't happen to you until it does.

I was hoping the due date would fade away in my mind so I didn't think about it but now with my close friend's due date being only 2 weeks later it already feels like that will be a difficult month.

I think it helps so much to be able to open up to people at work and have a support network in general.

I couldn't open up to anyone when we started trying for #2 and had very early losses because:

1. when trying for #1, someone at work kept asking me constantly if we were still trying and saying 'I really hope you are not' as according to them, I should have taken a long break. They never experienced loss and couldn't understand how someone can try after miscarriages again, without taking a long break. And continuing to try seemed to go against what they believed was right, and they felt very strongly about it. I didn't even wan to discuss it but was cornered into a situation so many times when they would approach me when I was alone and start this. I had mornings where I would be driving into work with tears in my eyes in the fear of it potentially being another day where I get asked if I'm still trying and told how they hope I am not.
2. My mother's in law reaction with the first two losses was pretty much like 'but it's early so it's fine'. She is a compassionate person and I was really surprised she was so cold about it and seemingly shocked that I was so upset because in her eyes, it really is nothing unless you loss a baby late in pregnancy.

It was very hard. That's why I chose to never ever open about this subject to people in my life again. Worst thing was trying knowing I couldn't even take a single day off if something was to happen and I couldn't have work find out I was trying and had another loss. As the most recent two losses were earlier, I just soldiered on and worked as normal. Physically, I was able to.

Sorry for over sharing all this. Still such a hard subject so it's hard not to.

It's always so hard when someone in your life has a similar due date, isn't it 😔
I wish that you're successfully pregnant by the time this due date comes 💕

I am so sorry for your loss. Mine was a long time ago now, but I was absolutely devastated at almost 13 weeks. My Mum was the only person who acknowledged the loss to my husband, it was his child too. Today I have just shown my baby loss certificate to 3 of my 4 children because I wanted them to be aware of how important it is to me to have something to acknowledge that my baby did exist, they were my first. Wishing you peace and healing and that you have a successful pregnancy when you feel able to try again.

I'm sorry OP.
I agree with PP don't put pressure on yourself, you just need to give yourself time ❤️

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I had a missed miscarriage at eight weeks and like you had some complications where I was bleeding and testing positive for a long time afterwards. It made it impossible to move on but once it stopped and I got the phonecall from EPU to say I was finally negative on the blood test it was like a weight lifted. I think my hormones also settled a bit too which made it easier.

I will say on the surface I 'bounced back'. I took only a few days off work but those closest to me know how difficult I found that period. I was obsessed with becoming pregnant again as I felt like that would be the only way for me to feel better.

I really hope you start to heal once you get that negative test but if it takes you longer then that's absolutely fine too. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this. I hope you have lots of RL support.

Sorry for your loss ❤️ there’s usually a reason for miscariage. Such as chromosome abnormalities or other issues. I miscarried in may due to an extra chromosome. I was 13 weeks and the midwife said I probably just went further on than most. Which meant we could have testing done to confirm it was pataus syndrome. Nothing u would have done or could have prevented . It’s just bad luck unfortunately. I read up on it for weeks and weeks looking for an answer but there’s none. The midwife said to me it’s like our bodies making perfect cakes but one day they just miss an ingredient 😢 I hope you feel better soon x

I had two miscarriages, a natural miscarriage at 9 weeks and a MMC also at 9 weeks, before I had my DS. My MMC had to be treated with an MVA which was awful. Honestly, it was heartbreaking and the only healer was time.

After my second miscarriage I had some testing done with the recurrent miscarriage clinic at my hospital but I know most trusts only let you have tests after three miscarriages. And then threw myself into trying again! I couldn’t get excited during my third pregnancy and didn’t buy anything until I was 32 weeks pregnant because I couldn’t let myself believe I was actually going to have a baby.

The only advice I can give is to keep talking about it. I think people don’t really understand unless they’ve had one themselves. You’re grieving the loss of the future you thought you’d have ❤️