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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Bf on holiday

7 replies

CareBear12 · 12/07/2025 21:39

Just feeling abit rubbish at the minute. Boyfriends gone to Lanzarote for two weeks to ‘see his nan’ and I’m left behind at 15 weeks pregnant and the whole things just upset me since he announced he was going. It upset me at first because we’d agreed to find out the gender of the baby privately at 15 weeks and he knew I had another appointment to go to aswell. Then this suddenly came out of nowhere to go and now he’s not here for either one of those things. He didn’t think to consider me or his baby when making his decision to go and I’m left feeling like yet again somethings more important, he could of waited to go till we’d done these two important things. Then Told me to rebook my appointment aswell which annoyed me because I’d already rebooked the 12 week scan weeks ago when he suddenly had a job opportunity beginning the day of my scan that came through the night before, he told me it’s important it’s work so needed to go, I ended up rebooking because I didn’t want to go alone or him miss seeing his child, but promised he’d be there for all the rest. Another thing I’m upset about is that I’d told him months ago I wanted us to go on holiday together before the babies born if it’s possible because I’d like for us to have that memory before babies born and then it’ll be family holidays, but moneys tight so we’d have to save. Nothings been brought for baby yet either but he doesn’t care about spending money on tickets and all the money he’s wasting while over there. Originally aswell he told his aunt ( who said she might go which gave him the idea but she didn’t end up going) he was only going to go for a few days as he didn’t want to leave me for long. That went out the window when he decided two weeks. It all just feels abit rubbish and didn’t even think to invite me to come along. He said he wants to see his nan and tell her in person she’s going to be a great nan. I told him you’re not going for two weeks to just sit and spend time with your nan you’re gonna mess about while you’re over there. He was adamant it was to see his nan. Yet when we was around friends he was excitedly discussing all the things he could do while he was there such as jet skiing or finding a group of tourists to tag along with and perhaps go the water park. This rubbed me the wrong way because It was proving my point, you’re treating it like a holiday and using your nan as the excuse, and this is also stuff you could be doing with your gf and making memories why would you rather do it alone? then it further upset me because you’d rather be jet skiing than finding out the gender of your baby. When I brought this up he again said he’s going to see his nan. Several people said to him aswell why you going for that long why not take your gf etc, come to find out his nan doesn’t even know about me and he didn’t want to bring a stranger Into her house. Fair enough I suppose but he was meant to of asked her months before when he originally said he was gonna go see her about me coming to. So he didn’t ask or even tell her about me. (Him going away now came suddenly because he didn’t speak about going over there again or that he’d made any plans) it upset me aswell that in the few days before he left he’d been on FaceTime to his nan several times and didn’t think to introduce me then either and say something quick and simple as ‘say a quick hi to my gf nan’. Hes in Lanzarote now and again probed my point because within 24 hours of being there has gotten shit faced and was smoking weed. Today Has been drinking since 1pm gone to get more weed and I haven’t heard off him in the last 4 hours going on 5 so no idea as to what he’s doing, yet if I don’t reply within an hour I get 21 questions. I just feel rubbish because I knew this would happen, that’s not spending time with your nan that’s treating it like a holiday that you’ve gotten a little cheaper because she lives over there. You’d rather be doing that than finding out the gender of your child. I’ve decided I’m still going to go ahead with finding out the gender because we’d agreed to do it, I don’t think it’s fair that I should have to wait because he’s now decided his holiday was more important. I told him aswell I can’t keep rebooking appointments they’re important. I think this will end in a massive argument aswell that I didn’t wait for him but I feel like why should I miss out he’s done something he feels is important to him, this is important to me. He can make the sacrifice now because he didn’t care to wait. Just doesn’t feel great.

OP posts:
Adamsapple89 · 12/07/2025 22:42

This all doesn’t doing great. How long have been together for his Nan not to know you exists? Also the 21 questions when you’re out is a red flag

Stripeyanddotty · 12/07/2025 22:44

You’re right. It’s not great. He’s crap.
Probably won’t change when the baby is born- you’ll be doing it all.

CareBear12 · 12/07/2025 23:57

Adamsapple89 · 12/07/2025 22:42

This all doesn’t doing great. How long have been together for his Nan not to know you exists? Also the 21 questions when you’re out is a red flag

Well this is the thing I don’t understand any of it. He barely talks to his nan as it’s his moms mom and him and his mom aren’t on great terms. His dad couldn’t understand it either saying he should be taking you, why’s he even going for, why now, that he doesn’t even like his nan and said he’s only going for a holiday. That’s coming from his own dad. I’ve heard from him since posting the thread all he said was ‘I ate an edible and I’m fuckedddd’ that was after 5 hours of not hearing from him and again back to silence. I really don’t know how he expects me to feel when in my eyes he’s decided to go away when there was no rush and missed important stuff. All to mess about. And then again why would you rather be by yourself over there when you could have had the company of your girlfriend? Unless that’s what he intended and is enjoying the company of someone else…
i got 21 questions yesterday aswell about where I was and who with etc when he saw I was out. Sent him a picture of my food to later on in the afternoon after he asked if I was okay to yet again be met with the question of where are you and not even a minute later video calling to obviously see who I was with. I was in my garden enjoying the sun eating.

OP posts:
Adamsapple89 · 13/07/2025 10:49

Sounds like he needs to grow up. Hopefully he steps up when the baby is here and can be a better bf and father

Henbags · 13/07/2025 13:23

You both sound very young and he sounds incredibly immature.

Caramelty · 13/07/2025 13:27

yanbu, he sounds incredibly immature. It’s worth noting that many men struggle to “connect” with the idea of being a dad until the baby is gurgling in their arms. But he’s being a dick.

Superscientist · 13/07/2025 13:45

Don't live your life waiting for a man show up especially when he's making it clear that you aren't his priority.

Go to your gender scan, go to your appointment. Let him have his holiday whilst you decide what kind of parenting relationship you realistically can have with him. When he comes back he needs a reality check and you need to know where his head is at regarding this pregnancy and relationship. It's important to tell his nan in person that he's having a baby but not so important that she knows about you? It sounds like he wants to be a picture perfect dad. Their for the celebrations and the showing off of the baby probably less interested in the day to day slog of parenting.

Reach out to your support network. Start pricing up the things you need for baby. There's so much second hand if money is tight. We bought nearly everything second hand for my daughter and it was all in unbelievable condition as so much only gets used for a short time.

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