23 weeks with 3rd baby and starting to panic

[StuffedOnion]

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and just need to talk to someone about this as I don't feel like I can in real life.

This is my 3rd pregnancy and wasn't planned. We have 2 DC already - 6yo and 4yo.

We discussed having a 3rd but husband didn't want one, and I was also happy with 2, especially as 4yo is going to school in September. When I found out I was pregnant, I gave some serious thought to termination but couldn't bring myself to do it. Especially as we talked about a 3rd when youngest was 2yo (we never actively tried for one though, it was just a "it would be nice to do if we had more money" sort of chat).

When we decided to go ahead, we had been generally happy with the idea of 3rd up until now and I'm freaking out. I've not been sleeping, kids haven't been sleeping due to heat and are up every few hours. I feel like shit. We took the kids out today and it was such hard work, I can't even think of how it will be with three. My 6yo is particularly hard work and needs a lot of attention (no special needs just very vocal, stubborn and refuses to do some things independently and needs to be constantly policed so he doesn't fling himself off something and seriously injure himself).

I feel overwhelmed and feel like I made a mistake. On top of this, I'll be 40 when baby is born and it just dawned on me I'll be 50 when baby is 10. I feel like I'll never get any independence back and will always have to work to someone else's timetable, wants and needs. My wants and needs never seem to matter anymore.

I miss going on holiday where I can just lie on a beach without a care in the world. I miss just walking out of the door to go to the shops without having to cajole or argue or spend an hour trying to convince someone to come with me because I can't leave them on their own and we need milk. I miss having a lie in with my husband. I miss just doing nothing on the weekend.

I love the kids, and love the idea of a big family but I know the reality will be so different. The kids are very excited about baby but just this week I don't feel like I can cope and I don't know what to do.

I think likely it will be ok. Or rather, you will make it ok. Your old life is gone now.

I can't offer any good words of comfort because I had all the same feelings. Only to say that I truly wouldn't change having a third even know I recognise every day that she makes life "harder". It's much more difficult to accept when they are an abstract concept. You can only see the drawbacks. I never had a rush of love like it when I saw her face after she was born.

I expect your exhausted which is making things feels more difficult.

Also, 4 is a hard age. 5+, coming on for 6 is so much easier.

Keep us updated.

Oh my god, you're!!!

I have 3, had my 3rd when my eldest 2 were 7 and 4. Our 3rd was wanted and planned, but I still felt a bit like you at times. Panic, oh shit how will we cope, how will we afford it etc.

3rd is 2 now. There were some hard moments but generally I would say it's not that bad! You know the drill, the older ones get more independent and time passes quickly. Our 3rd is a delight and I wouldn't change a thing!

You will be ok. Your oldest 2 will be at school, you will have a crazy school run 😂 then can bond with baby. Bed times are hectic but Not loads worse than with 2. And you know what you are doing now, so you are more confident leaving baby to cry a bit etc ti settle, use formula and combi feed etc.

You will be fine. Once your 3rd is in school it will be a piece of piss. You get a lovely snuggly baby again, and you know yhe hard bits wont last. I seriously considered havinf a sterilisation if I had a c-section, but had a vaginal delivery in the end. Could sterilisation be right for you? Then you won't have any more, you can just enjoy your 3 and maybe getting that sorted will make you feel more in control.

Your feelings are valid. It will be fine xx

Also 3 kids is easier than 2 kids and pregnant in a heat wave!

OP, I am similar, 27 weeks with an unplanned #3. I’m 39. Older kids are 7, and 4 (turning 5 just before this one is due). I always wanted three but husband always wanted to stop at 2, and I had very much got used to the idea of stopping at 2 - hadn’t really thought about another since the youngest turned 3. We got rid of all the baby stuff, started feeling more freedom to do holidays and get a bit of my own time back, and bam. When I first found out I thought about option to stop - but not for long, I feel a bit “que sera sera” about it all.

I Totally get where you’re coming from with all the thoughts though - it’s an adjustment from where you thought you’d be, and going back to nappies/constant supervision/no time for yourself will be challenging! But as pp says, the older ones will be at school, you’ve done it all before so the adjustment shouldn’t be too bad.

we can just keep telling ourselves we’ve got this… it’ll be fine!! X

I’m pregnant with third and I’m age 36. We spent so long deciding to have another. Yes it may be hard for a little while but you will have your life back. One day you’ll look back and wish u could go back. That’s how I see it. Once they’ve all moved out etc etc your be glad. Most people I speak to only regret the children they didn’t have. They never regret the children they did have x

You will be fine - babyhood can be hard at times but your children are a little older so it won’t be as difficult as having a toddler at the same time.

You do what you have done. You get it out into the open and off your chest but you carry on.
Being a parent is hard no matter the age
We have an unexpected unplanned then planned 3rd (suprise that ended in a mc after not being able to go through termination and then decided to give it one more go) my two are 6 and 8 and my 8 yo is the most difficult. She's very erm, head strong and opinionated let's say. We are also at the age where we have been enjoying lay ins for the past year, and the kids are independent and can do their own thing, where I have been able to sit at the beach and we take turns doing our own thing without the kids.
I conveniently forgot about being needed literally 24/7 with feedings and changing and waking up every 2 hours for a year solid. It hit me the other day and I had the same, oh fuck what have I done moment of how the hell am I going to be able to get 3 kids in the car for school on time if baby needs feeding and changing? It's bad enough getting 8yo out of bed and actually dressed and only being 10 minutes late. Like, how the hell am I going to function being pulled in 3 different directions.... but honestly, didn't we think that about 2 aswell? And nothing hits harder like the 1st does....
Now I wonder what the heck did I do with all my free time, because I'm sure I do more in a day these days than I ever did on a busy pre kids day.
We will absolutely cope, because we have to, and that's what mum's do 💪

We wanted a third but not til the second started school and now I think had we of waited til then we probably wouldn’t have had one as life would have felt so easy with both as school. Number 3 was a big surprise, there’s 15 months between my first 2 then nearly 3 years between no2 and 3.
hes 9 months now and it’s certainly made life much harder but its all relative to your scenario my husband has his own business and is away half the month every month and we have no family help so its ALOT.
but wow i love my son.

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. I'm still trying to get my head round it all and decided we'll just have to muddle through somehow and hope for the best. I will hopefully be much more chilled out with parenting this time and hopefully baby will slot in.

I was in a similar position many years ago (albeit I was much younger (23!!!) I already had a 2 year old and 1 year old at the time and I was so worried how I'd cope with a third. He wasn't planned and was a huge shock but we made a way somehow. Now don't get me wrong - he actually turned out to be my most testing child by far!! Very strong willed and angry child!! It was such hard work in the early years but they're 15, 16 and 18 now and honestly, they have the best bond and I'm soooo glad I had him (even though he has worn me out and test me beyond my limits! 😣) He's actually very funny and has a lot of character 😂 I'm 39 now and in a new relationship. I'm 8 weeks pregnant and will be nearly 40 when baby is here and I have the same thoughts as you - sometimes I think I'm mad now I've finally got all this freedom to be starting again!! 😱 It scares me too but deep down I know I won't regret it. Hormones don't help either! Good luck!