any1 else not bonded yet? 12 weeks but still feel a bit not real 😔

[TiredButTryin5x]

hiya, hope ok to post this here. i’m 12 weeks (due jan) but still don’t really feel pregnant, like in my head. had my scan monday n baby looked fine (thank god) but i just felt a bit numb after. no one came with me n didn’t really feel like i could talk about it after. bf just said “glad it’s ok” then went back on his phone 😕

with my others i remember feeling excited or nervous or even scared but this time it’s like… i dunno. flat?
i keep forgetting im pregnant til i get a pain or feel sick. don’t even look it yet.

i’ve got 4 boys already n life’s hectic so maybe that’s part of it. just wondering if any1 else felt like this? when did it feel real for you? xx

OP, honestly, what do you want from all these threads? Because you start so many, each with a litany of issues. It’s not surprising how you’re feeling - life is incredibly messy and complicated for you. But you’re so passive about that, and yet somehow also looking for answers here?

You need to access help from outside agencies, dump that useless man, and think about your four children and how you can support them to thrive.

I feel it's very normal not to feel a "bond" at 12 weeks. I wasn't even calling it a baby at that point, still "the foetus"! (Past losses so maybe that was to protect my heart)

It's only when I felt kicks that I've started to think of her as my baby. Don't worry, I'm sure it'll come

Xx

I didn’t bond until my baby was born. I didn’t fully believe I was pregnant as it didn’t sink in despite having a bump.

It’s normal I think to not have a bond just yet but is there history you haven’t mentioned as I see others are mentioning past threads ? It’s hard to give advice without all the facts

This!

You are probably so overwhelmed with all that is going on in your life that your mind is sort of shutting down about the pregnancy.
Are you going to leave the waste of space that is the baby's father?

OP, I mean this kindly. Your situation isn't comparable to others that are 12 weeks pregnant. Your life isn't typical, your children's childhoods aren't typical. You are unhappy, your children are unhappy. Ofcourse you are going to struggle to bond with the pregnancy but if you want to continue bringing more DC into the world you need to get your shit together.

i get what ur saying. i’m not tryna be passive it’s just sometimes i don’t even know where to start. everything feels on top of me all the time n when i try sort 1 thing another thing goes wrong. i’m not proud of how things are right now 😞 just feels like im treading water all the time n barely keepin up.

i post cos it’s the only place i can say stuff without someone yelling or rolling their eyes. real life ppl don’t wanna hear it. i know i need to do better n i’m trying. i looked into college stuff for ds1 n started ds3’s ehcp stuff too. not loads but it’s something xx

If you can’t keep your head above water now, you need to think about what this pregnancy is going to do to your family. You have a teenager who won’t engage with further education, an angry preteen, and a child whose nursery has serious concerns about his behaviour. Throw a newborn into the mix, and is any of that going to get any better? People have said it before but I’ll say it again - put your existing children first. You cannot keep complaining about your lot and acting like you are entirely powerless to do anything about the situation.

That is positive OP. Have you spoke to Early Help before? If not I would definitely recommend to have someone advocate for you and try to get you back on track.

That makes sense, it’s probably that your mind is already at full capacity and you haven’t had time to register the pregnancy rather than not wanting to bond. If you have dc with additional needs that takes up so much time and energy and it’s hard. I second contacting early help for support

thanks for bein kind. i think ur right tbh, i just feel full up in my head already n like theres no space left to think abt the baby properly 😔 i dont hate the baby or not want it, it just don’t feel real yet. not felt any kicks or nothin n no one else really talks abt it either.

i’ve heard of early help but not sure what they actually do?? school sent me a letter abt it before cos of ds3’s meltdowns n stuff but i felt judged n binned it 😕 might look into it again tho if they can actually help xx

You binned a letter about your child’s behavioural needs?

I am gobsmacked.

Your poor children.

I’m out.

Early help may be able to offer a family support worker. It’s different depending on area by where I am they offer a package of support they can access free counselling for parents, put in a referral to homestart for a volunteer helper. They may be able to advise if your child with SEN is eligible for the short breaks budget from the children with disabilities team. They can help liase with school where needed etc. it’s really worth looking into. Also might be worth contacting the health visitor as they can start seeing you during pregnancy and offer support and advice too.

i get why that sounded bad but i didn’t mean it like that. i was just really overwhelmed at the time n felt like they were pointing fingers not actually offering help 😔 i probs shouldn’t of chucked it but i didn’t know what else to do.

thank u for explaining more tho, i didn’t realise they could help in them ways. that actually sounds like stuff we could really use. i’ll try n find out who to talk to abt early help properly this time x

Once she started to kick I felt like it was real, feeling her kick is the best feeling in the world for me!

Hiya,

I didn’t feel bonded (or know it was possible) with my first but as soon as she was born it was instant. This time around I know that it’s important for your own mental health so I’ve been referred to peri natal mental health which so far have been great, I feel very low again this time around. There’s lots of things you can do, which at first I thought sounded silly! But do help. As time moves along and you start to feel movement it’s better. I tap my bump when she moves now and it’s only something small but it’s communicating and it helps. My midwife told me that baby’s do know when you put your hand on your belly and they move towards your hand even when so small. Eventually when you start to buy little bits it’s easier to imagine as you can see and feel bits. It’s totally normal to not feel connected to something you can’t see or feel. And hormones make it harder! Sending love x