What do you love about being a boy mum?

[unexpectedlyexpectingaboy]

Hello everyone,

I’m hoping for some perspective and maybe some encouragement. I am currently pregnant with a boy. If I’m honest, I feel a bit stuck — I can’t seem to see the positives of having a boy, and I wondered if anyone who has been in a similar position could share their experiences and maybe help me see it differently.

To me, having a boy just feels… a bit disappointing. Of course I want a healthy baby — but emotionally I was really hoping for a girl.

I’ve tried to think of the upsides (of specifically a boy, not of having a baby) but keep coming back to what I see as downsides, and I’d love to hear if others see things differently or have found unexpected positives.

Some of the downsides I see (and I’m not saying these are universal — just how it feels to me right now):

1. Boys seem louder, rougher, more physical — more trips to A&E, more mess, more noise.
2. Boys seem to drift emotionally as they grow, especially when they marry and focus on their wife’s family.
3. The closeness and emotional bond I see in mums and daughters (my experience and that of friends) feels harder to imagine with a son, and in the people I know there’s less closeness with a son.
4. i’m not into sports, mud, fixing things — all the stereotypical “boy” activities leave me cold.
5. as an adult, it seems many sons just do what their wife wants and don’t stay as close to their own mother — whereas daughters often remain emotionally close and involved.

I know this all sounds very negative and maybe a bit naïve — that’s why I’m posting here. If you have boys, have you found unexpected joys? Is the relationship different than you imagined? Did anyone else feel like this at first but it changed?

I’d really appreciate any honest thoughts or experiences — good or bad — that can help me see a fuller picture.

Thank you.

I don't have a dd so can't compare but I cannot believe that any child male or female could be more loving and affectionate towards me than DS. He showers me in cuddles and kisses every day and always always has my back and has done since he was tiny. He is my biggest cheerleader.

He has never been noisy or messy. He is full of energy but ime all children are.

I also volunteer with a lot of children and it is almost always the boys who I see hugging their mums. I have no doubt that the girls do as well but it seems to be the boys who are happy to do so publicly.

I have girls but grew up with brothers who are all vastly different. One of them still speaks to our mum every day and sees her several times a week. One hates all sports. One is a clean freak. Having grown up in a house of more boys than girls, there was no mud or dirt in my house than I found at my friends. My brother is definitely closer to my mum than I am.

A lot of your post stems from stereotypes that you don't need to perpetuate. Yes there will be natural instincts in children but as a parent you do have an element of control as to how they grow up.

He will be your son.

Nothing more to say.

I have a boy and a girl, and they are very similar - similar hobbies and interests, similar sense of humour, similar levels of closeness. DD is the only one who's been to A&E with a sports injury. Both have have phases of being messy, of getting dirty, of being challenging, of being close and distant, or being creative and imaginative, of loving pretty things, or ignoring personal hygiene or caring about style and appearance and clothes.

I think when you are pregnant, there are a lot of expectations around having a girl or a boy, but what you actually end up with is a baby who doesn't really do anything gendered, and then a child who has a personality and interests all of their own which rarely follow the stereotypical boy/girl pattern unless their parents only offer those options.

Have both genders, now adults, and over years have known lots of people with both genders. Do, will answer based on collective experiences.

1. Boys seem louder, rougher, more physical — more trips to A&E, more mess, more noise.

Yes to the trips to A&E, and that’s also experience of working in A&E for decades. Don’t agree with the more mess aspect. Girls go mad with glitter, a million and one little beads etc, you will find that shit for months/years, no matter how many times you clean. Also don’t agree with the loudness aspect. Girls have quite the shriek on them when they want, which makes boys pale in comparison all round, and this can be often for some.

1. Boys seem to drift emotionally as they grow, especially when they marry and focus on their wife’s family.

Not experience of myself or many other families I know.

1. The closeness and emotional bond I see in mums and daughters (my experience and that of friends) feels harder to imagine with a son, and in the people I know there’s less closeness with a son.

Completely depends on the child, their personality and your personality. Personally, I have a closer relationship with my sons, especially those that have similar personality to myself. Same with some other friends, but not all. Expecting a mini-me who will have the same relationship with you that you may have with your mum is fraught.

1. i’m not into sports, mud, fixing things — all the stereotypical “boy” activities leave me cold.

I was the same, but ended up enthused by a sport I could never ever have imagined myself following. Have a favourite team, go to the games when I can, wear the shit, the whole hog. Would never have thought this possible pre-children😁. I’m not into all the sports my kids did, you don’t have to be, you only have to be supportive to them. The thing that left me cold was the dreaded end of year dancing concerts. Never knew I could hate something so much until I sat through my first, around 3hrs, where your tiny kid came on twice in the first 40 minutes. Then as they get older it goes in reverse and you have to watch a heap of other people’s 4yo’s running around picking their noses and/or crying while pretending to be elves. Give me a 1hr child sports grand final any day!

1. as an adult, it seems many sons just do what their wife wants and don’t stay as close to their own mother — whereas daughters often remain emotionally close and involved.

Again, not my experience or that of many others I know.

I have both and find the stereotypes generally really don’t apply. The first to climb a tree / fall out of a tree / come off a bike and end up in A&E would be one of my DDs. The only DC who is meticulously tidy and reliably makes their bed each morning is a DS. Etc etc. (that same DS will also unload the dishwasher without being asked)

I feel close to all of my DCs as individuals and do different things with each as they get older. One likes the same sort of music, so we go to gigs together. Another laughs at the same stuff as me, so we watch movies together and so on. They are lovely people whose company I enjoy enormously.

Try not to feel sad and look forward to getting to know your child and watching them evolve.

I think you are putting a lot of gender norms on what a boy would be like. Girls can be all those things too! And boys can be the opposite. I think in a modern society, a lot of young men are gentle, emotionally attached, close to their parents, and into a wide variety of hobbies. Personally I can only really imagine having a boy, maybe because I grew up with only sisters. My best friend has a son and he is soooo cute and cuddly and loving to her. I've worked with kids and have seen young boys (ages 4-10) be so fun, gentle, caring and intelligent. Taking emotion out of it, the world is a much harder and scarier place for women than it is for men as well.

I have 2 girls, expecting the third girl.
And I'll be honest, not too thrilled with the idea of another girl.
They bicker all of the time. My oldest doesn't do cuddle time, they flick their moods from aggressive to butter wouldn't melt in an instant, and then back again when they don't get what they want.
From friends I've seen their girls are more manipulative, more rude and bitchy, say the nastiest things to eachother just to spite somebody. Whereas their boys are kind and caring (this is more often than not, obviously the girls can be too) and want to please you not you please them. Absolute mama boys, also my adult male friends still are.
Also, my girls constantly are playing with mud, making dens and wrecking clothes. When we have the boys over they're more happy to sit and read books or play with magnatiles than go get grubby in the fields....

You get cuddles from boys a lot sooner than you do girls!! Also on a practical note (from experience) boys are so much less hassle when it comes to establishing routines, from naps to weaning to bedtime - they don’t seem to fight the routine as much as girls do which does make life a lot easier if you like a routine yourself!!

If you feel like you’ll have emotional distance from your son whilst raising him then it’s more likely to come true when he’s older as you’ll struggle to built the closeness you think you would have with a girl.You’ll get out what you put in. If you build a close relationship with a child, regardless of gender, then that relationship is more likely to continue as adults.
Boys can be loud and messy, but so can girls. I have a son and expecting my second and am very happy to have 2 boys as I’ve found my first son so much fun!
I have 2 brothers and I’d say we all are equally as close to our parents. One of my brothers chooses to spend one night a week at our parents house to have dinner and just hang out with them, so they have a great close relationship.
I think you need to let go of the list of things that are disappointing about a boy. Any of those could just as easily apply to a girl.
Try to think of it as just raising a child. Your son could be the most calm, affectionate, tidy little boy you’ve ever met.
Also, lots of people have said that teenage boys are easier than teenage girls (I’ve also done youth work and many of the girls are definitely harder!) so that’s a great positive!

My other half is significantly closer to his mum and family than I've ever been with my mum. I also adore his family and we spend a lot more time with them than with my family, for a few different reasons.

I don't have a boy but most of my friends and family have boys and they are the most delightful, entertaining kids. OP I'm sure you will love them and enjoy them as soon as they arrive, even if you find it difficult to imagine right now x

I don't have a son but do have a brother and a nephew and neither of them are less loving than their female siblings, and none are into sport, mud etc. I'd say to disregard any concerns that are just based on stereotypes, since males and females really don't have to be that different.

My brother is my mum favourite child!

I always wanted a boy and that's what I've got, so I can't necessarily relate to you. But I have a just turned 9 month old and we've just got home from our afternoon play group and I've never felt more proud. My little boy spent the group 'dancing' during "if you're happy and you know it", he laughed, grinned and waved at everyone, he clapped, he crawled off a little bit for about 60 seconds, then returned to me, stood up on me just to check I was there. He picked up the parachute during the games and squealed in delight while shaking it, the entire class was smiling, laughing and chatting about him (I'm not just PFB and imagining that, though I am PFB) Okay, this isn't only boy behaviour but not all boys are as you describe, not that I care if mine is. I also find boy clothes sooo much cuter! And I'm just utterly obsessed with him, really.

My friend was talking today about one of her children being loud, never stops talking and never wants cuddles. The other is quiet and cuddly. First child is a girl the second is a boy.

My daughter could use a proper socket set and screwdriver properly at 2 years, had little interest in dolls and soft toys for years. Likes rough and tumble and is far from soft and cuddly.

I am one of three daughters, I only have a very superficial relationship with my mum. My youngest sister has frequently in a and E and her head teacher told my mum once than had her not witnessed most of her injuries he might have felt the need to log a safeguarding incident. She had plastic surgery at 5 after a particularly nasty bike injury.

My partner is way closer to his mum than I am to mine. In fact I'm closer to his mum than mine too! As a child he clung to her leg continuous where as I have been fiercely independent and self reliant from a far too young age.

I'm expecting my second and am having a boy. I can't wait not because I want a "boy" but because I can't wait to see what little human he turns out to be.

You can help someone see the positives of boys without tearing down girls. Sounds like a lot of internalised misogyny, girls are not more manipulative or bitchy while boys are kind and caring. Ew 🙄

I think you perhaps didn't read all of this?
I freaking love my girls, but as a general rule of thumb women and girls drag eachother down not build each other up.
It's a socially constructed thing that as parents we have to overcome, also depending in the individual.
The fact that you needed to even comment instead of just breezing past also proves that 🙃
But alas, children are little sponges regardless of their sex. We make of it what we can and share our personal experiences.

It really isn't a general rule of thumb. There really isn't any justifying labelling girls as manipulative, bitchy, dragging one and other down. Pointing out why it's a awful thing to say isn't feeding into your belief that women don't 'bring each other up', it's pointing out what a terrible view of girls you have, which is factually correct. Maybe because you expect girls and women to stay silent and not pass comment when things are unjust is why you see them as bitches.

Sounds like a lot of internalised misogyny, girls are not more manipulative or bitchy while boys are kind and caring

We all have different experiences though, so your experiences do not negate others. My experience, and that of most of the girls I’ve seen over the decades since having kids is that this is the case. I don’t however, agree that boys are kind and caring. My experience is they are just lazy in the mind in the main, and most of them just can’t be bothered with the mental machinations required to be manipulative and bitchy, therefore they are not, which is still a win!

I was terrified to find myself pregnant with a boy back in 2023 after already having a girl. I'd only ever imagined myself with girls as I come from a girl heavy family, but my little boy is the best thing that has ever happened to me (in the same way my little girl is - neither is better in any way shape or form).

My daughter is a feisty little diva who has been high maintenance since before she was born, she came very close to making herself an only child. My little boy has been the sweetest, happiest child I've ever known from day one, and as a result, I'm now pregnant with number 3! I have found having a little boy enjoyable on a level I never could have imagined, and I feel so sad I ever doubted that he could be as amazing as his sister.

I was terrified at the prospect of having to do 'boy things' with him, but now I can't wait to stand at the sidelines of a football match (if that's what he wants to do) shouting at the ref! My daughter also plays preschool rugby and covers herself in mud and sand on the daily at preschool, so I think you'd be lucky to avoid the activities you're associating with having a boy, they're more childhood activities than anything else.

The idea of boy clothes terrified me, but now I prefer my son's wardrobe to my daughters because boys clothes are actually pretty cool and girls clothes tend to be a bit flouncy.

I can't vouch for what my relationship with him will be like when I'm older, but I think the idea that boys drift away is quite outdated and only still a thing because we make it a thing. Looking at the other side of this theory, I hate the idea that my daughter will feel pressured to be the one close to me and looking after me in old age just because of the chromosomes she was born with. I want all my children to want to spend time with me as adults because they like me, and so I approach parenting with that idea in mind.

This little boy will be the best thing that's ever happened to you, I promise!

Ahhh, baby boys 💙

I’m one of four girls, have excellent female friendships and have an older girl that I (obviously!) absolutely adore.

When I found out I was having a boy I nearly cried. It was such a scary and foreign concept to me. I knew nothing about them and didnt think I wanted to learn.

My three year old boy is the best thing in the whole world. He’s the most loving, funny, charming little darling, I could burst into happy tears just thinking about his little face.

He’s physically busy, I’ve found a lot of boys are, but he is so much more loving and calmer than I have personally experienced girls the same age as him. He is also easier with sleeping and eating well than I am watching my girl-mum friends experience.

I actually feel a bit sorry for mums of just girls sometimes… He hugs and kisses and tells me he loves me already and I’m not seeing that at this age for the little girls we know.

I’m expecting again and so pleased it’s another boy, they’re the best!

I have a daughter and a son, expecting 2nd baby girl.

I love having a boy. He is funny and so kind and loving. He is perceptive and inquisitive. He loves cuddles and tells me my hair is beautiful like Elsa and I’m the best mummy in the world. I adore my DD too but she is much more stubborn and independent!

You seem to have a lot of expectations of what you want from your child. That's a lot of pressure.

Your child will be who they will be, regardless if they are a boy or a girl.

When they come into the world, life becomes about them, not you.

Your job is to support their needs, whoever they are, and help them grow and develop.

Having a child shouldn't be about you and who/ what you want them to be - that's where so many issues start to develop.

You may be hoping for certain things or a certain kind of connection, but at the end of the day, that's irrelevant. You will have the child you have.

I have a boy and he is and always has been the most loving little guy! Constant cuddles and kisses. He’s 4.5 now and will randomly say “mummy I just love you so much”!! My house is fully of cats, trucks and train tracks and, as much as I complain about the mess, I wouldn’t have it any other way! I have a niece and she’s gorgeous but nowhere near as cuddly and affectionate.

I think women always want a girl, I always did! I’m pregnant with my second at the minute and although I’d still live to have a little girl, I would hand on heart be over the moon for another boy!