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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant and so angry at my Husband

15 replies

PeriMenopauseOrPregnant · 06/07/2025 22:01

My husband and I have been together for nearly 20 years. We have three children together the oldest being 16 and the youngest being 10. We are both 39.

A few years ago we decided we were done with having babies and he booked in for a vasectomy. He ended up cancelling due to the fear of the procedure.

Earlier this year I wanted to stop taking the pill and lower my antidepressants (that I’ve been on for ten years) in the hope that I could be free of it all. I’ve gone from 150mg of antidepressant to 50mg since January and was feeling in a good place. My husband and I were using condoms.

I had a period which lasted one day on 30th May and then we admittedly had sex unprotected on 2nd June. In the middle of the night on Monday I woke up with bad heartburn. The only time I have had heartburn is when I was pregnant and I realised I was late. I did a test the next morning thinking I was doing it to put my mind at ease. It was positive. It was a Clearblue and came up straight away with 2-3 weeks. Then on Thursday I did another and it’s 3+ weeks.

I am booked in with MSI on Thursday. Every logical part of my brain knows this is the right thing but the emotional part of me is distraught. I’m not eating or sleeping. My Husband has been totally supportive but cried at the thought of another and said the thought of another makes him sh!t himself.

I know it’s both of our faults but I feel so so angry with him that I have to go through this because he was scared of a vasectomy. I feel like I don’t want to be near him and don’t know if our relationship can recover from the aftermath this will bring.

Has anyone else been through this and tell me whether it gets any easier?

OP posts:
P0d · 06/07/2025 22:04

I’m angry on your behalf. All you’ve been through with pregnancy and childbirth and he’s too scared of a vasectomy. Jesus.
my DP had one straight after dd2

P0d · 06/07/2025 22:05

But also remember your hormones are crazy now and you will forgive him. I threw a parsnip at my DP when I was pregnant, I was so annoyed but would never do that normally

PeriMenopauseOrPregnant · 06/07/2025 22:09

Thanks for the reply. The parsnip made me laugh. Maybe I should stock up on some fresh veg 🤣

OP posts:
whynotmereally · 06/07/2025 22:09

I’m annoyed for you , you have birthed theee children, dealt with all the bodily changes and hormonal issues of being a woman and he couldnt manage one vasectomy!

im now angry at my dh as we are in same situation and using condoms as he doesn’t want the snip.

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 22:10

He was scared of a vasectomy 🙄

AllosaurusMum · 06/07/2025 22:12

My body, my choice is true for men too. He doesn't owe you a vasectomy. You are responsible for your own fertility. You chose not to use contraception, and to have unprotected sex. This is just as much your fault.
It's no different than men who won't use a condom then complain about an unwanted pregnancy.

fthisfthatfeverything · 06/07/2025 22:14

WE had unprotected sex”

why is he getting the blame??

SunnyViper · 06/07/2025 22:16

His body, his choice. A vasectomy can also go wrong. I know a couple of men who suffered significantly afterwards.

TriciaMcMillan · 06/07/2025 22:17

I'm struggling to understand why you're so angry with him now, rather than this being an issue you needed to address at the time he changed his mind about the vasectomy. I assumed initially you were angry because he'd lied to you and pretended he'd had the op. But you knew he hadn't, so contraception was a shared responsibility. Why is this on him?

PeriMenopauseOrPregnant · 06/07/2025 22:17

I know and I’ve said that it was both of us and logically I know that but emotionally I feel angry. He has been supportive in every way. I just wanted to get everything off my chest as he is literally my best friend and I know my anger at him is irrational and also angry at myself but I just can’t help it.

OP posts:
Ninkynonkpinkyponks · 06/07/2025 22:19

I think it is fair of you to be annnoyed that he’s backed out of the vasectomy. You’ve put your body through birth three times and he’s being a fucking coward.

pushthebuttonnn · 06/07/2025 22:25

SunnyViper · 06/07/2025 22:16

His body, his choice. A vasectomy can also go wrong. I know a couple of men who suffered significantly afterwards.

Oh come on, women go through childbirth and some risk their lives doing just that. A vasectomy is a simple procedure and is not high risk. It's extremely selfish of him not to do it. Why should the contraception (apart from condoms) always be up to the woman? A doctor I know said that it makes more sense for man to have a vasectomy than a women to have a hysterectomy. It's much less risky and invasive.

heroinechic · 06/07/2025 22:35

He cancelled the procedure a few years ago and you’re angry with him about that now? You’re pregnant because you (both) decided to have unprotected sex. Maybe now is the time for him to re-visit that vasectomy…

It’s unfair that it falls on you to deal with the aftermath, but there’s nothing any of us as women can do about that. That’s precisely why we need to make sure we’re taking steps to prevent pregnancy ourselves.

OldFamilyTable · 06/07/2025 22:36

I can understand why you’re irritated. I think I’d struggle not to mention the point that he didn’t want a vasectomy but he wants you to go through another procedure.

Having said that, you did have unprotected sex knowing he hadn’t had a vasectomy.

Deebee90 · 06/07/2025 22:57

It takes too to tango. Both of you are too blame. Sorry but I’ve known men’s vasectomies to go wrong too. It’s his body. If you don’t want any more kids get sterilised .

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