Has anyone fobbed off their health visitor?

[Mazzymoo2025]

Hi,

I was meant to have a health visitor appointment today, 10 mins before it was due i got a text message to say it was on Monday. I had to call them to tell them that wasnt suitable for me and if that message meant my appointment today was cancelled. He said if was cancelled. (Thanks for letting me know).

I'm 36 weeks next week and just wondering if its worth telling them to just not bother. Its the latest in a long line of medical/appointment drama and i am so over it now. Nobody has told me what the appointment is for, i'm assuming to make sure house is in a suitable state for the baby. Do you reckon its worth leaving it or should i try rearrange it?

Yes I opted out after my appointment was cancelled 90 minutes after its schedule start and a request to come around 5pm if she had time. She followed up telling me I couldn’t possibly expect her to be on time.

Mine was one of the most condescending, unhelpful women I’d ever met. I had a private elective c-section and it was clear from the beginning that she had a problem with this.. I didn’t feel that the visits were productive or in any way useful. It got to a point one day where I got fed up, politely told her to leave my house and not to come round again. This was 19 years ago now - no regrets!

Thank you, i think i'll leave it. I'm sure i'll get everything i need once baby is here thats important. A bit of common decency wouldnt go amiss. Wish i could use that excuse in my job. You'd think these appointments wouldnt be scheduled in advance, with leeway given for travel etc. Whilst i understand things happen and people can be late, that takes the biscuit.

Personally, I found HV appts useless. I had one when we moved, she visited us at home, said I can see there are no problems here, bring baby into clinic if you want him weighted, I had two under two, no thanks too busy getting on with life. I have no idea how HV are trained but they are nothing like Midwife’s who I have always found great.

Oh wow, how nice of her. That is one of the things that worry me, someone judging
me for doing something they dont agree with. I had a t shirt that had a slogan on and i had to go change incase she said something. I hope nobody comes next week, especially considering i've cancelled it

Yes. My HV was a complete drama queen. In the last few months, she told me I had diabetes (wrong), that ds was breach (wrong), that I needed a c-section (wrong). Then she wanted me to have a sweep before I was overdue.

In the end I fobbed her off, I wanted leaving in peace, and just rang the delivery unit when I was on my way in.

The appointment in pregnancy is mostly to introduce you to the HV rather than anything specific. Not everyone gets it.

I have had only good experiences with the HV. When my daughter was struggling with reflux and allergies it was only the HV that listened to me and didn't fob me off with babies cry. She was a great support through my pnd too and arranged for me to get 1 on 1 baby massage course and referred me for bonding therapy. She listened to all my concerns about my daughters development referred her for hearing tests when she wasn't responding to sounds and arranged us to have extra support with language when we needed. When my daughter was 3.5 in a different area I had counselling with my HV to support me in being a parent with health issues to a child with health issues.

There are some good ones out there and they can do more than weigh baby and do develop checks I think the biggest problem is time, resources and varied experience for the HV there are a number of career paths that can bring you to health visiting. I had a series of listening appointments with someone on placement with the HV who had been a NICU nurse before deciding to train as a hv. I was lucky that the second HV had an interest in counselling and had undertaken training in order to provide that support to mums.

Surely that was your midwife, not HV?

MN has a weird dislike of HVs and many of the stories on these sorts of posts are years old. Like anything, some are rubbish, some great and everything in between.

Your HV appointment before birth is just to introduce herself. And yes, it will get pushed if more women than expected give birth in the preceding days. As you'd expect they the priority! My visiting HV was perfectly average, but I saw a couple of fab ones when I was having some feeding issues at the drop in clinic.

If you're feeling that worried about your HV that you think they are judging your t-shirt then there's a problem.

They aren't meant to be there to judge your clothing, and the idea of 'good enough' parenting and putting aside their personal preferences/ opinions should all be covered in training.

You can also refuse a home visit, you don't have to do it. You can refuse all of the appointments. They are there to support not to judge.

Doesn't mean that you won't get a few rubbish ones, but I believe you can request someone else if you don't like whoever you've been allocated.

Thanks all. I wasnt in a great mood yesterday after this and feeling all doom and gloom.
My main issue was that i didnt want to miss something that was important. If its jjst a check in then thats fine. I'll wait until the visits after birth and see. I spoke to a friend who said she had to tell hers to leave as she was there nearly 2 hours. Seems theres no set rules as she didnt have a visit before birth, just after.

Thanks for all your comments