Where do I start? I’m writing this to work out my own emotions and feelings. I’m probably in a state of shock, but also I’ve learnt I’m probably also very hormonal.
Female, 26 (will be 27 when baby is born), just over 4 weeks pregnant. In a truly loving, stable relationship and have lived together for 3 years. Both have very stable jobs, that we’ve been in for 3 years with medical health insurance etc. We are financially stable and have incredibly supportive families. We’ve often spoken about having a family and kids. However, in my dreams and original ‘life plan’ - I’d always hoped of being married before children. Not particularly religious, I just always seemed to like the idea of that order of things.
I came off the pill in January 2024 due to constant mood swings and headaches. In my university days I’d tried the implant, copper coil and all either gave me bad acne or constant period pain. I just reverted to natural methods of tracking which went well until now. And when I came off the pill I felt like a ‘normal’ person with less fog. I guess I just felt secure enough to go natural. You might be able to tell that one of my anxieties right now is feeling like I’m going to have to justify how I became pregnant to people. The GP yesterday told me I don’t need to worry about justifying it and most people that know us will assume we have sex and assume conception would be an eventual outcome (even the time might come as a shock)
One of my biggest fears in life, ironically, was being infertile. You hear stories now days of all these reproductive issues. I have health anxiety (which I’m sure will feed into health anxiety of this pregnancy) and so I randomly went for an ultrasound 16 months ago because I had random twinges in my tummy and I wanted to rule out PID or endometriosis. The sonographer revealed everything was fine but it looked like a low follicle count for my age and recommended more tests. She actually asked me if I had any symptoms of menopause! That completely freaked me out at 25 yrs old. I very vividly remember coming home crying worried we wouldn’t be able to have children. I did 2 AMH tests further down the line - one from Harley street and the local clinic which also showed a low level for my age and so I the fear of being infertile was probably always worse than the fear of becoming pregnant.
On surface feel, I’m scared, guilty, and worried but deep down I’m happy because I love babies and know we’re going to make great parents. Even writing this I am getting more excited. I’m worried about my partners age. He’s 25 which I feel is so young for a man. I can’t help but feel this pregnancy might hinder his life (in the sense of men are often portrayed as dating younger women and don’t have kids until they’re 38). Or maybe I’m scared how others will perceive it??? My dad is 13 years older than my mum, his Dad is 7 years older than his Mum. My uncle is 8 years older than my Aunty etc etc. But you can’t help who you fall in love with, right? Equally I know my friends partners where the dad is 8 years younger than his wife so I need to remember that. I know I’m not that ‘young’ in terms of pregnancy, I am aware of traditional values that might judge us especially my partners age.
I also know this feeling is completely baseless because my partner really is an old soul and he acts like a 40 year old and he has just amazing morals, is level-headed with such humility. Trish me, he is so excited about the pregnancy, I would say more so than me at this stage. If everyone was like him the world would be perfect. Everyone who meets and knows him comments how mature he is for his age, especially when we joke about me being a year older (because if anything, people would definitely assume I’m younger).
My biggest fear is that we are not married. I know a proposal would’ve been likely in the next year or so and we’ve always spoken about ‘when’ rather than ‘if’ so my fear doesn’t stem from not feeling secure, because I do. I just feel like I’m grieving my dream of being married before a pregnancy. I’m not even talking the dream of a fancy wedding anymore. I just want a quite an intimidate ceronomy. Can anyone relate? Has anyone out there been in a stable relationship but the timing of a pregnancy just wasn’t perfect? I know down to the core, the baby when it’s born isn’t going to know but it’s just a strong belief I have and I can’t help but feel like a ‘teen mom’ for becoming pregnant before marriage. I don’t mean any disrespect to Teen Mums btw. Again, if I was really that concerned we would’ve just not had sex, right? I became very stressed about this loop last night, but he’s reassured me that we will be married before the baby is born and is telling me not to worry. He said ‘you’re going to be my wife, please don’t worry’. He’s really worried about me worrying - he’s worried it’ll cause a miscarriage (I’m not sure if there’s any link to cortisol and miscarriage) but the fact he is so worried about it - I know he TRULY cares and is excited. He’s told his cousin (who absolutely will not tell anyone until we announce it after 12 weeks) and his cousins reaction was positive and the first thing he said is that we’d make great parents - which is the main thing.
So, I’m trying not to worry as much as possible but as you can see I have a lot whirling around in my brain… also the hormones and nausea is horrid. I feel horrifically tired but also experiencing dreadful insomnia. It doesn’t help it’s so hot.
The main thing is that in the grand scheme of things, we are ready. I knew instantly I had a missed period, took 3 tests, booked a drs appointment the next day. I’ve also signed up to the NHS midwife. And it’s strange even before my missed period, I had a desire to eat more healthy. I’ve done off anything fatty or sweet!