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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Unsupportive partner during pregnancy

11 replies

zinrlow · 22/06/2025 22:34

I am 31 weeks pregnant, and my fiancé has caused me no end of stress throughout.

We both enjoyed a night out / drink before, but obviously that has all stopped for me now that I am pregnant. I have never expected him to stop drinking just because I can’t and feel as though I’ve been quite reasonable throughout.

Hes had the odd planned night out which has been totally fine. However, a few (too many) times during my pregnancy he has gone out to do something or see a friend etc, and has ended up staying out all night getting pissed and probably doing other substances which I am really not happy about.

He went out this morning for ‘2 hours’ to have a game of football with his friends, it’s now 10:30pm and he’s still out after ending up getting pissed with his friends. The worst part is that I have recently been in hospital due to bleeding and was kept in overnight, so stress is the last thing that I need right now. His plan was to get us a takeaway tonight and to spend some time with me after a stressful few days, but he’s ended up out drinking. We’ve been speaking over text and he knows how upset I am about it but has still chosen to stay in the pub.

This has happened so many times now, and each time he apologises the next day and promises that he’ll stop drinking all together as he can’t help himself in staying out after a drink.

I feel so stressed, disrespected and alone all of the time 😔

OP posts:
bluecurtains14 · 22/06/2025 22:36

Oh dear.

Give the baby your name.
Get back to work FT as soon as your paid mat leave ends and make sure he pays half the childcare
Don't share finances.
Think twice before you put him on the birth certificate

He doesn't sound like a keeper.

PashaMinaMio · 22/06/2025 22:44

Good luck OP. I hope all goes well with your confinement. I think you’ll be back after the baby’s born with part 2 of your story.

No more babies with this waste of space.

DorothyStorm · 22/06/2025 22:46

Leave him. He does not care about you. He isnt a team player.

friendlycat · 22/06/2025 22:50

I’m sorry but he’s Obviously not committed to you and your pregnancy. It’s upsetting for you but you need to plan for the future without him. If he’s like this now, what will happen when you have your baby?

vincettenoir · 22/06/2025 22:53

I’m sorry. This is the last thing you need. It sounds like he is having a bit of a freak out and maybe thinks this is his last hurrah but it’s unfair not to take your feelings into account.

Original poster
zinrlow · 22/06/2025 22:55

Thank you so much everyone, and thank you for validating my feelings as I didn’t know if I was being dramatic or not.

When he’s sober he’s brilliant, but after a drink he turns in to the most selfish bloke you could ever meet. Knowing I’m at home stressed and upset after a difficult time and he has no care in the world, it’s an awful feeling

OP posts:
courageiscontagious · 22/06/2025 22:59

Give the baby your name. Remember this exact feeling when you are about to complete the paperwork.

if he’s choosing alcohol over you now, it’s not looking good long term.

scotstars · 23/06/2025 13:22

There's a saying about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome....he has no incentive to change he knows all he needs to do is say sorry and promise things will be different and all is forgiven. I'd really consider saving yourself the future stress and plan life away from him - you know he's likely doing drugs is that someone you want in charge of a baby?

CustardCream31 · 23/06/2025 13:25

You’re not being dramatic at all. Some men just aren’t cut out to be family men/fathers. My first husband definitely wasn’t and it showed early on even during pregnancy sadly… be strong and don’t take any sh*t. You and baby deserve a supportive and helpful father/partner, and if he can’t be that, I promise it’s 100% less stressful going it alone than struggling with a person like that!

Oli16 · 27/06/2025 05:23

He needs to grow up and take your feelings into account - if he said he was going to have a night in with you then proceed to fob you off for the pub I’d be sitting him down pronto. If he didn’t listen and still behaving like a turd, I’d seriously consider giving him some ultimatums.

He might be doing a last “hurrah” of freedom before becoming a Dad - but let him know it’s not reassuring you in anyway leaving you alone after a difficult time.

sending love x

NojitoandLime · 27/06/2025 08:50

zinrlow · 22/06/2025 22:55

Thank you so much everyone, and thank you for validating my feelings as I didn’t know if I was being dramatic or not.

When he’s sober he’s brilliant, but after a drink he turns in to the most selfish bloke you could ever meet. Knowing I’m at home stressed and upset after a difficult time and he has no care in the world, it’s an awful feeling

We are still ourselves when we are drunk...perhaps a louder/ more outgoing/ more magnified version of ourselves - but this is still him. Its not Jekyll and Hyde.

He's not a different person and it's not an excuse. He still has responsibility for his actions and behaviour.

It's really shit behaviour and I don't think it's going to get better when you have all the stress and disruption that a baby brings.

If this was me I think I'd be having some serious talks with him and thinking about whether this is the relationship I want to raise a child in.

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