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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Would I regret an abortion?

6 replies

LozH · 22/06/2025 17:52

I am really struggling with OCD and anxiety.
I have a 3 year old and a happy and supportive husband.
I have been debating having another child for about a year (due to my OCD being that overwhelming during first pregnancy I didn't leave house for 7 months except for midwife appts. Didn't see family. Didn't eat anything other then same food. I didn't live. I just and only just survived.)
I am 2 weeks pregnant after trying to conceive.
I have already started where I left off with pregnant OCD traits. Not letting people in. Won't let daugter play in garden due to contamination. Won't eat out. Won't eat anything really. Constant hand washing.
It is affecting my life already and my daugter.
My hubby says he wants this baby/pregnancy.
I feel like I am torn. I don't want to ruin my daughters life for 9 months and my own with bad thoughts and life for 9 months. But i know I planned it when I was rational.
Also scared to lose hubby if I decide to terminate. Which is how i think at the minute is the best thing to do.
What are your thoughts... has anyone been in thus situation before?
Please be kind I am so upset

OP posts:
logiccalls · 22/06/2025 18:26

As it is so early, it is very common for pregnancies to end themselves, for any reason or none. Just that the body rejects continuing with that pregnancy. Therefore, it is possible for a woman to 'encourage' what might have happened anyway, by nature. Your body and brain rejected pregnancy the first time. You barely got through it. Your body and brain are again saying "no".

Who would benefit from trying to force yourself again, and quite possibly never getting out of it again, this time? Not you, not your lovely child, not your effectively single-parent plus wife's-carer husband, and above all not the bunch of cells inside you, destined to arrive in the world with, in effect, no mum, and an overwhelmed dad, a once-happy big sister deprived of her once-happy, stable, parents and her security?

There's no need to announce to husband or to anyone that the ending was brought about deliberately. One method of 'encouragement' is to have a coil fitted, which has the advantage of stopping yet another pregnancy. Regrets about stopping being pregnant are trivial, compared against regrets of an entire family that their once happy life is spoiled, and regrets and lifetime unhappiness of a child who was a mistake, especially one who discovers s/he destroyed his/her mother's mental or physical health.

In time, if you enjoy looking after children, you could do that for a job, or try fostering or adoption. That way, your hormones won't get upset.

Onechance551188 · 22/06/2025 19:00

Take some time. You are still very early.
OCD and anxiety disorders are things that you can recover from or learn to live a happy life with.
if I was you before I made any major choices I would seek help for these issues and then see how you feel.
You might regret either decision at the moment because you are so distressed so try and do all you can to start getting better and then make a choice. If you can go private it will be much quicker. It will be scary to face it but it will be worth it.
whatever you decide, it’s your choice and you will be doing it it for the right reasons at the right time. X

Mrsttcno1 · 22/06/2025 20:27

What support do you have in place for you mental health during pregnancy OP? If none- start there.

Edenmum2 · 22/06/2025 20:32

How has It been with your DD post brith?

CleverQuacks · 22/06/2025 20:42

Go to your GP and asked to be referred to the perinatal mental health team. Honestly they saved me when I was struggling with my mental health during pregnancy.

Glamgenzmami · 25/06/2025 01:23

It sounds like you would regret it just because you said that rationally, before the irrational thoughts of your condition flared up you did want to try for another baby, you also say you don’t want to lose your hubby which is understandably a very real outcome if you choose to abort his baby against his wishes. I think if you were to abort your thoughts would settle and you would go back into your initial mindset of wanting your baby but it seems now your judgement is clouded because of your hormones and over analytical tendency. I would advise you to not rush into a decision you might regret and reach out to your family, friends and/or medical professionals like your GP or midwife for help with your OCD traits to learn how you can manage and cope with it better this time around to ensure you are in a better mindset mentally for your pregnancy. All the best ❤️

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