Pregnancy + ocd. Depressed

[PollyD123]

I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant.. i have awful ocd to the point im awake at night worrying about what needs cleaning. I live in a really old 1930’s house, cracks on the wall, ugly skirt on boards, you name it it has it. When I found out I was pregnant I’ve tried to do little bits to it here and then but now it’s just become unbearable. The cracks for instance really get me down, my partner is currently deployed and doesn’t return until a week before baby is here and I don’t have the money to pay for a decorator. My parents are elderly and very poorly and they help me where they can but I’m honestly just started to feel deflated. I’m starting to slow down now and feel unable to do things, even cleaning is becoming a mammoth chore. No matter how much I scrub and scrub this house I never get the satisfied clean feeling that I so desperately want. I know a baby doesn’t care about marks on the walls and chipped skirting boards but I’m really starting to struggle. Did anyone else feel like this?

I don't have experience of this type of OCD but I've had other themes of OCD for most of my life so I know how awful it is to not be able to mentally let go of stuff. I also found my OCD got much worse during pregnancy. I just wanted to say this sounds really hard and I really sympathise. It sounds like you've done your very best to create a clean and safe home for your baby - apart from that your baby is only going to want you! It sounds like you know this logically but I know what an absolute bastard OCD is at making you doubt yourself. It sounds like you could really do with some mental health support with all you're going through. Have you already been referred to perinatal mental health? Xx Hoping this might bump your post and give you some more help

Thank you for replying. I’m seeing a mental health midwife in a weeks time so I’m going to talk to her about it. I’ve tried talking to my partner and my family but they don’t really understand and just say I need to be strong and switch it out of my head. Obviously a lot easier said than done. It’s just so tiring. I tried to have a rest day yesterday but couldn’t even do that, I had to do/clean something. I’ve always been like this but pregnancy has made it a million times worse.

The nesting urge in the last stages of pregnancy won’t be helping here. I also have OCD and it ramped up during pregnancy so you have my sympathy. Medication and therapy got me through but I honestly am so glad I’m not going to be pregnant ever again! I have two kids and would be open to another but the reality is I HATE pregnancy because my OCD makes it unbearable. The good news is that my OCD immediately lifts post birth and I actually feel pretty good the initial weeks. The relief is huge! Hang in there - and get as much support as you can from the GP and perinatal mental health services which prioritise pregnant women in waiting lists. Big hug

Thank you for replying. Was your ocd with cleaning? Mine is cleaning and any imperfection in my house - there’s a lot! I’m hoping it eases when she’s here. It’s unbearable at the moment

Mine was contamination ocd. However I got a very strong desire to clean and prep and sort cupboards etc which I think was nesting plus OCD tendencies. My germ OCD was still there after birth but wasn’t as overwhelming as during pregnancy. I think hormones play a BIG role for me.

I would suggest you ask your partner to buy a 10L tub of paint with some rollers, paintbrushes etc and you go have a pampering day out whilst he paints all the skirting boards/ rooms that need doing. It shouldn’t take too long, does he/you have any friends or family that could help him do this?

There is also some mini rollers online that come with the paint box that you attach to the roller and you could also sit down and do some of the worst skirting boards with it, it’s quite a handy tool I have used it before for minor marks on walls/cupboards.

I am sorry you are feeling this way I know how it feels to have OCD I also have OCD and I am 34 weeks pregnant and always want my home to be spotless and perfect but I have told myself to try and accept what I simply cannot change right now and pour everything I have into what I can change (within reason).

All the best with the rest of your pregnancy journey ❤️

Thank you for replying.

my partner is currently deployed and isn’t back until around 6 days before baby is due, he’s in a very stressful job so I feel it’s unfair to put that on him when he’s back, he did do the babies room before he left which I’m grateful for, at least I have one nice room in the house. I’ve managed to tackle the skirting boards - some at least! But maybe I need to realise a full house renovation isn’t possible and that’s ok, hopefully she won’t care about a few marks on the walls. Hope everything goes well with your pregnancy ❤️

I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I live in a “new build” (it’s 2 years old now) and I already have cracks in the skirting board and small ones in the walls. It doesn’t necessarily help your situation but in solidarity I only started to become annoyed by these in the later stages of pregnancy.
I hope your mental health midwife will help ease your worries.
Your baby will be happiest and safest wherever you are so look after yourself 💛

Thank you for your reply.

theyve never ever bothered me this much I’ve always just ignored them but recently I find them so annoying, there’s so many to fix and I just don’t have the energy. Hopefully it eases once she’s here. I should be in a new house this time next year so I’m just focusing on that. ❤️