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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy — scared and alone after partner’s reaction

33 replies

LouTree · 22/06/2025 00:40

Hi everyone,
I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and it wasn’t planned. I’m in my mid-30s and have been with my partner for around 7 months which is not long hence I'm in shock,terrified and very emotional... A while ago, I had my coil removed — this was always planned due to ongoing pain and medical reasons. I told him at the time, but we didn’t have a full conversation about what that meant going forward.

We had unprotected sex once, and I took the morning after pill the next day but it was clearly too late. What’s also been hard is that following that, I had to remind him to use contraception so it wasn’t as though I was being careless.

When I told him I was pregnant, his reaction really shocked me. He said that if I keep the baby, he wants nothing to do with it or with me. What hurt most was him saying if I terminate, we can rebuild trust. That felt like an ultimatum, not a supportive conversation. I’ve never asked him for anything — not money, not help — I just wanted to talk and work through it together.

I’m heartbroken and overwhelmed. This wasn’t in my plan, but I’m scared of going through it alone. Has anyone else been in this position and carried on with the pregnancy? I could really use some reassurance right now.

OP posts:

zaicandy · 22/06/2025 20:10

And they’ve only had it unprotected one time during the whole relationship

Mauvehoodie · 22/06/2025 20:14

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 22/06/2025 18:22

Option one - keep the baby and ditch the toxic arsehole

Option two - have an abortion and ditch the toxic arsehole.

Please don't even consider staying with this man OP. Your decision about your body is entirely yours and you absolutely should not consider him in it at all, but you should take this as a sign in neon lights that he is a vile prick.

Exactly this. I know it's really new and re but I think the best thing is to think about what you want assuming he won't be around either way (the arrogance of him to suggest you need to build trust in him by having an abortion! Unforgivable).

Tandora · 22/06/2025 20:53

zaicandy · 22/06/2025 20:09

yes quite, but she’s making excuses and blaming the partner for all of it. RTFT

Show quote history

No she’s not , she’s upset by the way he has reacted to the pregnancy that they are both responsible for and the fact that he’s trying to emotionally blackmail her into abortion.

Your comments are completely pointless.

OP, ditch this waste of space horrible human. He’s shown you his true colours.

What you have to decide now is whether you want the baby or not. It’s your decision.

Lulu89x · 23/06/2025 15:32

LouTree · 22/06/2025 16:38

Just to clarify a few things from my side whilst also still trying to give him space after he was told face to face yesterday.

There was a conversation had about me removing my coil. It wasn’t hidden, and I explained that it was for medical reasons due to the pain it was causing. I genuinely thought this would naturally signal the need for protection, but I also believe it’s not just on the woman to carry the weight of that conversation — a partner should ask questions if they’re unsure or have concerns.

In fact, I even had to remind him to use a condom on a separate occasion — and the one time we didn’t use protection is when this happened. I took the morning after pill the next day, genuinely hoping that would be the end of it.

This pregnancy was not planned in any way, and it’s thrown me completely. But what’s been hardest is that instead of a conversation or some emotional support, I’ve been met with two firm ultimatums: either terminate and “we’ll build trust again,” or keep it and he walks away with no contact or responsibility and I have not asked him for anything financial but had a comment thrown at me " you will not get anything financial or parental responsibility from. Me if you keep it"

It just feels like there’s been no space for a real conversation — no room for both of us to sit with what’s happened unexpectedly. That’s what’s left me feeling so isolated and blame being fully put on me from him... Is that fair?

Hi OP

Try and ignore the people on here who feel the need to kick someone when they're already down.

What's happend has happened now and your only focus should be yourself and this baby.

Do u want the baby? Do you have the financial means and emotional/mental support to go through with it?

This is entirely your decision. If you do want the baby, keep it and get rid of the man. Your relationship is over no matter which path you choose to go down. He sounds horrendous but at least if you go through with the pregnancy, hes agreed to no parental responsibility which is great for you.

In terms of financial support, he can shut the hell up as its not up to him. If he is working, you can make a claim for child maintenance whether he likes it or not.

Sorry you're going through this but it can be done. I'm 34weeks pregnant and I'm doing it solo after a very similar story to yours. PM me if you need someone to talk to x

cannotbetooarsed · 23/06/2025 15:46

Try and boot any thoughts out of your brain regarding the guy and take time to process what you want.
Do you want to keep the baby?
If so ,what available support will you have from family .
How are your finances/ career going to support being a single Mum?
My daughter had exactly the same scenario as yourself and chose to go ahead.
It was hard ,lockdown happened when baby a few months old but we as a family stepped in and helped her emotionally and financially.
She did MA in social work when baby was a toddler and is now a SW for child protection.It really can work out if you decide to keep the baby.
If you decide to have a termination then that’s also the right thing to do as well if it’s 100% your choice.X

onehorserace · 23/06/2025 16:33

I know it's too late but women have to actively take responsibility for their health.

cannotbetooarsed · 23/06/2025 16:37

I cannot believe all these posts . OP is pregnant now and doesn’t need lectures on contraception 🤦‍♀️She needs advice ,now she is pregnant !

ginasevern · 23/06/2025 16:47

You've only known him for 7 months OP and neither of you planned a baby so I'm surprised you're so shocked that he's not skipping, jumping and delighted. You've basically got two choices. Have the baby and go it alone (is that feasible?) or have an abortion. Either way, this relationship is stone dead and if you've got any sense you'll walk very quickly away from this man.

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