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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Tummy touchers - why do they do it?

27 replies

JessJess3908 · 23/05/2008 16:10

It's driving me crazy - why do my friends, colleagues and even random people i've just met suddenly think it is acceptable to reach out and rub me on the belly? I really want to tell them to feck off when they try but every time it comes as such a surprise that I'm too late.

Honestly, I am as shocked as if they had just reached over and poked me in the boob.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

StarlightMcKenzie · 23/05/2008 16:15

This reply has been deleted

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cyteen · 23/05/2008 16:16

I don't know, but I feel the same way as you. I find people's scars interesting but I don't walk up and start groping them ffs. Fortunately no one has attempted to touch my belly yet, either they all just think I'm fat or I have successfully cultivated a 'fuck off' demeanour that keeps them away.

Next time someone does it, look them in the eye and say politely but firmly "Could you not do that please, or at least ask first." I bet they will be very embarrassed!

Daniya · 23/05/2008 16:18

I used to do this before I was pregnant (I always asked first though!) and I think its probably people who haven't had a baby before who want to understand the feeling and experience more.

It is a compliment as they wouldn't want to touch it if they didn't like the idea of a baby inside you but I agree it is quite intrusive and having experienced it myself now I will never do it to another mum to be again.

Try not to let it bother you and if someone you know does it frequently try to tell them gently that you'd prefer them not to do it, or tell them it hurts when they do (that'll make them stop quick!) Alternatively scream at them to F* off and then blame it on the hormones!!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 23/05/2008 16:20

I didn't mind it at all. I just take it like a lucky charm or something. And i think it feels nice, a taut belly (see, I've done it to others too).

kayzisexpecting · 23/05/2008 16:21

I hate it!!! Would they want to touch your belly if you weren't pregnant. Would they F**K!!!!!

I am going to practice my best 'I will kill you if you even think about it' look for when I am bigger.

LadyK · 23/05/2008 16:23

Tell them you're not Buddha and it's not good luck.

Original poster

JessJess3908 · 23/05/2008 16:28

It's not too bad when it's close friends or family, as i'm happy with/more used to them touching me in other ways and i can explain to them that you don't really like it (my poor mum is the only person I've actually shouted at for doing it).

What really annoys me is when it's random people at work or friends of friends who I don't know very well. It's hardly worth telling them not to - as they prob won't do it again and I don't want to sour my working relationship with them. At the same time, I think someone unexpectedly reaching out to touch my lovely precious little unborn baby raises all my protective instincts and i just want to smack them in the face...

OP posts:

laughinglil · 23/05/2008 16:28

i dont mind people i know touching... its when they ask to look? F* off non you are not looking at the road map that lies underneath my clothes!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 23/05/2008 16:28

Seriously, though, why do people hate it so much? Is it the actual sensation? If so, how is that worse to having your arm touched, for example. Is it the over-familiarity it implies? I don't know what there is so much to hate about it TBH.

Original poster

JessJess3908 · 23/05/2008 16:29

LOL - i'm going to use the Buddha quote!

OP posts:

CristinaTheAstonishing · 23/05/2008 16:29

x-posted

laughinglil · 23/05/2008 16:29

people always touch newborns as well.. why? do not put your hands on my babys face ..where have their hands been..? yuck!

FrannyandZooey · 23/05/2008 16:30

I have been saying 'watch out it is catching'

a load of drunks crossed the road the other night to all come and rub mine - "for luck"!

I like it when close friends do it, otherwise it is a bit 'gerroff'

Cicatrice · 23/05/2008 16:31

No body every touched my bump uninvited, but then I always have a face like a smacked arse, so maybe they were scared.

But I don't think I would have minded.

kayzisexpecting · 23/05/2008 16:31

Cristina, I honestly don't know why I hate but its a lot worse than having your arm touched IMO. Its completely different I think.

Oblomov · 23/05/2008 16:32

No one has touched mine, but others have had theirs touched, and we are only 3 months.
Is it allowed once the tummy gets to a certain size ?

cyteen · 23/05/2008 16:32

Cristina - for me it is the over-familiarity. I hate people who aren't friends or family touching me at the best of times, I hate having my space invaded, and there is something a little more intimate about someone touching your belly than your arm, for some reason.

Original poster

JessJess3908 · 23/05/2008 16:33

Laughing lil - They ask to look??!!

Cristina - Yep, x-posted... I'm sure it's the urge to protect DC that makes me so angry. must be like trying to tickle a lioness's cubs!

OP posts:

wem · 23/05/2008 16:33

I had my first tummy touch the other week. I was sooo shocked, she had only just had her baby 4 months ago herself, but I guess she didn't mind people touching her bump.

I didn't like it cos I was only 17 weeks, and didn't feel like I had a proper bump yet - I was just having a fat day! Felt self-conscious enough without people reaching out for a feel!

Tinkerisdead · 23/05/2008 16:48

I agree its an invasion of personal space. Its acknowledged that someone rubbing your arm is indicative of closeness, i dont want tem rubbing my stomach uninvited. if its close people the i dont mind but when my MIL rubbed all over my stomach without asking screeching to my SIL "look look, look at this!" i felt like a freak show!

To be fair, i dont mind my DH touching it obviously but since pregnancy i have been really conscious of people in my space, its this feeling like my body feels strange and taken over in a way and the last thing i want is people rubbing me uninvited!!!!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 23/05/2008 16:51

Rubbing? No, no to that. I like to poke and feel the firmness (so 17 weeks would definitely not cut it). Must be my flabby tummy that gives me the urge. My friend isn't having any more, though, I must get a younger new best friend.

LadyK · 23/05/2008 18:14

Maybe it's that instinctive response to protect your child. Personally, it just seems a bit too intimate to me. Touch my wobbly arms all you want, but leave my burgeoning belly alone!

whomovedmychocolate · 23/05/2008 20:36

I've cracked this, when you see them come towards you, turn to the side and say 'ouch' as loudly as possible. Then look really upset. I can guarantee they won't try it again.

lollipopmother · 23/05/2008 23:13

My FIL did this when he was last over, I love my PILs to death but it did feel a bit weird, it's just because the stomach is an intimate area normally and people touch your bump with love in their eyes which freaks me out! However I wouldn't stop him from doing it again.

A male friend at work has asked if I'd let him touch my bump and the girls that were near me said 'Arrrgh you can't do that to her!!' but I said I'd tell him when the baby was kicking strongly enough he could feel it. He is totally made up about it so I hope my baby gets some strong kicks in, I've got an anterior placenta so she's got to get some force in there!

minouminou · 24/05/2008 00:25

only one person touched my bump unannounced, but it was quite dramatic
there's me, lying on the sofa with a week or so to go, and our mad (and i mean that with the greatest affection)japanese friend throws herself at me, flings my dress up over my head, cups her hands over my bump and starts calling DS' name in japanese, and saying (in japanese) "come out, come out, we want to see you!"
didn't bother me a jot, but i think if any random person had even looked at the bump the wrong way.....................
she's very broody (still trying), and i think she was just very caught up with the pregnancy, and was running her hands over my bump, amazed there were no stretch marks

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