Partner support

[Binturong93]

Hi folks,
Found out we were pregnant at the weekend after trying for a year. Literally just been put on the fertility waiting list. We had a miscarriage last year at around 5/6 weeks and it took its toll on us both. He was amazing but feel it's not letting him enjoy this at this moment.
Now I am trying to chill, embrace it all. Boobs are killing me, I feel like my bladder is gonna burst then barely any pee! Husband also says I'm boiling when I'm asleep - dunno if that's a thing.
He is being quite reserved about this news. He has accepted I've had several positive tests but his mind set is "this isn't a thing yet". He says he wants to wait until it's safer but I've kinda been realistic and said when is it ever safe? I've agreed to wait until 6 weeks to phone and get booked in for bloods and scan. This is because last time I phoned at 5 he had to cancel the appointments. He wants me to phone later but explained we can't risk missing bloods etc... He's very into ensuring I'm okay and is scared it happens again as it nearly broke me.
Does anyone have any advice for supporting their partner in pregnancy after a loss? I want him to feel supported too.

I understand his stance tbh although it’s hard when you’re not totally aligned in your emotional responses. I think you need to accept he’s feeling cautious and doesn’t want to get too excited yet. However, it’s your pregnancy not his, and you don’t need his approval to book yourself in for bloods and scan. Do what you need to do in that regard whilst accepting his overall stance and not feeling like you have to change that.

Think you have misunderstood... I am accepting of his thought process I just want to be able to support him better and looking for advice. And it's our pregnancy not just mine. This is a joint journey. Just how we are.

I've been in a similar position too. We've suffered losses, and in this latest pregnancy I reached the cautiously optimistic phase before my husband did. I came out of our 20 week scan excited and relieved that everything was OK this time, whereas he wasn't ready. I was disappointed, but you can't rush it. I think we just need to give them time. Your partner's trying to protect himself, which is understandable. I'd say to let him accept things at his own pace, and just be there for him when he is ready to enjoy the pregnancy 💕

We had this issue but it was me who couldn't quite believe or hope. Even after my 20 week scan, I would still say the sentence "if I'm pregnant" or "if we have another". My OH said watching me go through it was awful. I couldn't even think of names I was adamant something awful was going to happen to my baby.
I guess being in that mind set, I just needed people to be patient with me, I never stopped others from getting excited or buying things or talking about names, but I needed to feel like I was allowed to process the pregnancy in my own way?
I know hormones are raging anyway, but I would randomly cry and not know how to put into words what I was scared of. I couldn't connect to the scan photos because I was scared to bond and I had awful nightmares about baby dying or being taken from me.
It sounds like yous are in a really good place relationship wise, and you clearly want to support him. I think keep doing what you're doing and don't push him. He will float alongside you in the beginning of this journey but hopefully as your bump grows and he can feel those little movements then those feelings will diminish. I didn't feel better until I could feel regular movements!
FYI baby is 12 weeks now and I'm in love and have zero of that fear anymore.
Congratulations OP ❤️
Agree with other PP, he has to understand that medical tests are a necessity and getting booked in earlier is better 🫶