Trigger warning: fear of childbirth

[Sunflower2478]

Hi all,

I’m currently pregnant again after giving birth 10 months ago, and I’m really struggling emotionally. I’m 39 and although my last birth went well with very little bleeding, I can’t shake this overwhelming fear that something will go wrong this time — particularly that I might not survive childbirth. It’s starting to take over my thoughts and making it hard to feel excited or even calm about this pregnancy.

I want this baby, but the fear is so intense that I’ve found myself questioning whether I can go through with it. I know logically that most births are safe, and my husband (who works in healthcare) keeps trying to reassure me. But emotionally, I feel stuck in a spiral of “what ifs.”

Something I read in the news today about a Real Housewives personality which has really terrified me and has made these fears worse. I know it’s just one story, but it feels very real right now.

I’ve tried reaching out for support from my old midwife and hospital, but haven’t had much help yet — apparently I need to wait until 14 weeks. I’m planning to contact my GP for a referral to the perinatal mental health team and hopefully a consultant.

I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt like this — especially after a previous positive birth — and how you managed the fear. I’m not looking to scare anyone, just hoping someone might understand and have advice on how to feel more in control and supported.

Thanks so much if you’ve read this far. ❤️

I think it's very reasonable to be anxious. Childbirth is one of the most risky things we do as women (despite being very safe overall) and that feeling of risk is amplified when you have a small child who is dependant on you. I don't have much advice, just to say I think your feeling are valid and I hope you manage to rationalise them a bit and get to enjoy your pregnancy a bit more x

Thank you :)

I agree with Springadorable , I think it is most likely because you already have a child that depends on you. My irrational fear was I could not love another child as much as I did my first.
You are doing the right thing asking for support. Hope everything goes well for you.💕

You might be able to self-refer to the perinatal mental health team.

I also agree with PPs, although I only have the 1, my fears have been totally multiplied since having my son because I'm terrified of leaving him x

Thanks all, appreciate you taking time to respond.

I’m going to disagree with PP, our bodies are literally MADE to birth a child. It is one of the safest things a woman can do as our bodies are biologically made to do so, combined with modern day healthcare and practice, you should not let the fear of childbirth stop you from enjoying your pregnancy. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and know that all will be okay (plus it’s a bonus that your partner works in the medical field) you are quite literally in the safest hands. All the best 💐

I think it’s worth discussing this with your midwife. Some level of fear is to be expected but what you’re describing sounds like it goes beyond that. They can hopefully signpost to the relevant mental health team/practitioner for help with this.

Thanks to both of you above for responding and kind words. Yes my fear is quite crippling.

I think it’s normal to be more fearful the second time as even though your first went fine, it’s still one heck of a shock. I felt terrified with my second pregnancy even though my first was ‘normal’. You now know what you’re in for, which you didn’t with your first. I had terrible feelings that it would go wrong etc but honestly, everything was very similar to the first. I tried hypno birthing classes but everything just made me more anxious. In the end I just had to accept that there is no way around it. The baby has to come out somehow and ‘boarded the train, there’s no getting off’ (Plath). The best thing for it I think is to put it out of your mind as much as possible, keep busy, don’t focus on the birth bit. Remember how short the birth bit is in the scheme of things. Just a few hours! They pass, one way or another and even though it’s a risky business, the vast, vast majority of babies make their way out just fine xx

It may depend on your area but in mine you can get mental health support either as a self referral or through the health visiting team (can't remember which) for the first year postnatally. I would reach out to the health visitors. Even if they don't directly provide support they might be able to point you in the right direction.
If you can manage it financially, you can get help privately. You often have more choice of provider that way too.
So sorry you're struggling x