How do people cope with pregnancy after loss

[Joleyjojo]

Hi

i am 12dpo and have had good line progression from 9-11 dpo. I don’t want to test anymore as i am scared of seeing the lines disappearing. this is my 4th pregnancy in 12 months with 2 CP and a MMC at 10 weeks (baby measured 9+3).

of course I am happy but I am so anxious and I feel like it’s consuming me. Any tips how to just relax and enjoy this pregnancy? Although I am not testing anymore I’m scared my body won’t realise if I have a chemical due to progesterone stoping the bleed.

my partner is also nervous but is so excited and happy and I’m struggling to match that energy and I’m worried I won’t start bonding with the baby during pregnancy as so scared they will go.

sorry for the long rant x

Hi,
Not really any advice but to say I know how you feel. We miscarried then fell pregnant straight awayl. I think I tested every couple of days till the 12 week scan till I thought I can't keep doing this.
My first pregnancy was sickness till 6 months, swollen feet, I felt pregnant, nose bleeds etc with a healthy baby girl. My last ( after the miscarriage) was as if I wasn't pregnant, if my belly didn't grow and he didn't move I wouldn't have know so that added to the anxiety.
Speak to the midwives and your partner to get all the support you can.
Congratulations 💐 I hope you manage to enjoy your pregnancy

@Joleyjojo I struggle a lot - you just have to take one day at a time, remind yourself a bad outcome is far from guaranteed, it's more likely to be a positive outcome. Keep busy and distracted. Don't worry about the bonding element, in early pregnancy I don't think it's really all that important. Just look after your own mental and physical health as your priority x

@Joleyjojo I've struggled a lot with anxiety. 39 weeks tomorrow and tbh the only thing that kept me going is the little milestones (12 week scan 16 week scan, viability at 24 weeks) and telling myself I'm pregnant until I have actual evidence that I'm not. Feeling movements helped shift things for me a bit.

I really feel for you - miscarriages are so cruel. I think I've checked the loo roll every time I've visited the bathroom for the last 9.5 months. I've had dreams where I thought I was miscarrying again. It helped a bit at the beginning to remind myself that it's completely beyond my control (I think a lot of my anxiety came from blaming myself for causing it in some way).

Please be kind to yourself. Sending lots of luck your way. 🍀

I'm on my third pregnancy in a year, the first two didn't get past 6-7 weeks gestation with miscarriages at 10 weeks but I'm now 25 weeks.
A mix of anxiety and hope.
There's a thread at the moment due November after loss and there are quite a few women there coping with pregnancy after loss. There are currently women between 12 and 25 weeks so not restricted to those due in November

Some women get comfort from getting scans, its not something I've done personally - only a few that were on offer through the epu. This time around I've been on progesterone since 8 weeks, I didn't find out I was expecting until 7 weeks.
Not focusing too far ahead as helped me, lots of little time goals. 12 weeks, 16 weeks 20 weeks.
I found this pregnancy easier with skipping half the first trimester. I didn't have a period after my last miscarriage and was going through a stressful period so didn't want to know and add to my stress.

Thank you all for your replies. I have done another test today and it is ever so slightly darker so that has been reassuring.
i think your right about milestones, my first was having actual darkening tests, although I appreciate that means nothing when it comes to miscarriage after the 5-6 week mark. It has been nice to see the lines darken though which I didn’t have with either of my CP.
I have a scan at 7 weeks with the miscarriage clinic so that is my next milestone, I won’t think about the one after until I get there.
I’m I won’t have private scans because I got told my baby had died and when I got to the hospital baby was very much there with a beating heart so I just don’t want to put myself through that.
I am at work mon-Fri and I just don’t think I will be able to concentrate at all 😭😭
are you able to post a link to that thread ?

thanks again it’s been lovely to read. I just keep thinking surely I’m not that unlucky with number 4. Xxxxx

3rd pregnancy in 12 months here. Zoe Clark-Coates book "Pregnancy after loss" has been on my bedside table throughout.
I avoid private scans - too traumatised after bad scans to want more.
Weigh up whether it's better for you to tell people to lean on or not. I have a very close family and friendships but we kept this pregnancy a complete secret until a few weeks in to the 2nd trimester. I'd always told family prior but somehow it felt safer not to tell anyone at all. Possibly also meant I could distract myself more.
Distraction is the key xxx

I have 2 healthy babies after still birth at 37 weeks.
Anxiety was high throughout both for many reasons not just loss.
It's cliche but honestly, day by day, week by week. There is no easy way to get through just bit by bit.

Hey another one who’s currently struggling so didn’t want to read and run.
i’ve had previous ectopic which resulted in me losing my tube and miscarriages.
i found out last week and although my test are lovely and dark and currently 2-3 weeks on digital i’m testing constantly until i have my scan as i just think it’s too good to be true.
im trying to distract myself in the evening by going for walks and reading instead of being on my phone but here i am at 4.30am on mumsnet because i cant sleep and the anxiety is keeping me awake so maybe im not the best for advice 🤣hope it all goes well for you x

Here's the thread. It's been going a while so you can see how the various ladies have handled those early weeks and onwards https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5312929-due-november-after-loss?page=22&reply=145031466

I think I recognise your username, I was on the due March and due July threads with my earlier pregnancies.

I've found it helpful to only dip in and out of the due month threads this time around. I just can't see far enough into the future most of the time for them.

I'm high risk and under consultant care. Reaching my first obstetrician appointment felt like a real turning point for me as the previous two pregnancies that appointment came through the week I lost the pregnancies and one of the first things I had to do after losing the pregnancies was cancel that appointment.

Scans are a personally thing. I had three in my second pregnancy last year at the epu but they showed it was unlikely to be a successful pregnancy so not reassuring. This time around I had 1 at 8 and a half weeks to give me an estimated due date so they knew when to book my actual dating scan as I didn't have a lmp. It was reassuring that I was 8 weeks and didn't have too long to get to the 12 week scan and had skipped most of the first trimester in ignorance but that was it.

I think it's natural you'll be anxious.

My first baby died at full term after no earning so I was very anxious in my next pregnancy but I was willing to do it as a really wanted your child. Speak to your midwife.