I found out about a week ago that I am pregnant -- not sure how far long but I think about 6 weeks. My daughter is 5 months old. I am struggling so much with the situation.
-- I feel stupid for getting accidentally pregnant in my mid 30s. I've always been really careful in the past but I thought that because I was exclusively breastfeeding I was very unlikely to get pregnant. I was also a bit hesitant to go back on hormonal contraception because I was breastfeeding. I bled very slightly about 6 weeks ago but I didn't think it was anything like a period or the return of my fertility (at just 4 months postpartum). It just seemed like such a remote possibility and then it happened.
-- I'm going to end up taking maternity leave about 4 months after I return to work. I am terrified to tell my employer while I am still on maternity leave that I am pregnant. I worry I am absolutely destroying a career I have worked so hard for.
-- I am exclusively breastfeeding my daughter and this really matters to me. I know that my milk supply will dry up and I'll have to formula feed.
-- I am embarrassed that people will think we can't keep our hands off each other. My family will be horrified by the small gap and my inability to prevent myself getting pregnant so soon.
-- my daughter will be an older sibling when she is just 13 months old. I worry that she will really miss out on being nurtured and looked after as a baby. Having two such small children really frightens me, especially as after maternity leave I'll be going back to work full time.
-- financially it will be hard. We will have four children and will need to buy a huge new car etc. thankfully we have a sufficiently large house to fit them all in.
-- I just don't want to be pregnant again. Ugh.
I'm not considering termination for religious reasons -- I understand this is the right option for some people but it isn't possible for me.
I haven't told anyone in real life because I don't know how to tackle conversations about unexpected/unwanted pregnancy. Most of my friends have stopped at fewer children than they'd ideally like, are single and worried time is running out, or have suffered infertility/recurrent loss. I get pregnant the first cycle every time and it seems so insensitive to complain about this, especially when I should know better. But I am in shock and could really do with sharing how hard I'm finding it.
I don't know what I'm looking for really. Just a bit of solidarity?
And if you have struggled with loss/infertility (even if you have gone on to have successful pregnancies) or if you're single and would love a baby would you prefer that someone just pretended a baby was planned (rather than sharing that the actual situation and how they feel about it)? I don't want to upset anyone but I could really do with talking to someone, I want to work out how it might be possible to do this sensitively.
And more generally I don't know how to tell people -- to imply the baby is unplanned makes me look ridiculous and to imply its planned also makes me look ridiculous. If an otherwise responsible professional 30 something year old told you that she was going to have a 13 month gap would you presume it was an accident?