To expect my husband to now be at a stage to slow down/stop the drinking

[Motherof1and2dogs]

I am 34 weeks pregnant, I have asked my husband to slow down on the drinking now I am getting closer to my due date but he seems to struggle with this. I have told him I have made it 8 months without drink so why can you not just make it a month without drinking.
I have very bad anxiety and he works away a lot with work, I asked him to not drink in case of an emergency and he has to get home quickly (he is currently a 2 hour drive away and decided to drink until early hours this morning) and I just feel this is a little irresponsible. He is also travelling to Portugal in 2 weeks time (I will be 36 weeks) and have told him to not drink then as well in case he has to rush to get a flight back or even be sober enough to hear his phone ring if I call him in an emergency.

Am I being unreasonable to ask this? I understand people are in circumstances where their partners aren’t even able to be home for the due date due to work etc, but these trips aren’t compulsory and he has a choice, I am fine with him going but just feel uneasy with the drinking situation. I just don’t know what I would do If I called him to say I’m going into labour, or something is wrong and he isn’t even able to get home because of being over the limit or not being in a state to fly straight home.

Also forgot to mention we also have a 2.5 year old together so I am having to do a lot on my own while he is away, work full time still, take on all mum duties, cleaning etc while growing a child. I just feel like I am asking for the absolute bear minimum while I am in my last month of pregnancy.

Sounds shit. I'm a lot older so am surrounded by people who don't drink these days, and wouldn't be impressed by someone who was unable to stop for a month. Particularly if he genuinely reaches the point of passing out? Is that your anxiety or has he done that?

Have you been absolutely clear in your request? You don't want him to slow down, you want him to stop for a month.

Do you have a backup option for support if iit does turn out you need help and he's had a drink? Your mum or similar?

My DP likes a drink but in the last month he stopped completely. You’re right, you may need to go to the hospital at a moments notice so he needs to be able to drive. You’re being very understanding about the Portugal trip, because whether he’s had a drink or not he could miss the birth if you go into labour early. He should be home as much as possible to help with your toddler, the housework and look after you! You’re right, you’re asking for the bare minimum. He needs to seriously get his priorities in order.

Yeah, I wouldn’t be impressed with the optional travel happening at 36 weeks, nor the refusal to be sober.

it looks like he won’t change despite your requests, so all you can do is make your own plans—plans to get yourself to the hospital when he’s been drinking, and plans to deliver this baby on your own (or choose an alternate birthing partner) if he’s out of town.

It’s one thing to be in the habit of a drink in the evening that puts you over the driving limit and quite another to get so drunk you couldn’t manage a taxi and plane journey. What sort of drinking are we talking about? Is he sober enough when he is at home? Is he generally helpful and focused on the family?

@PermanentTemporary I am 32 and he is 28 so you would think he would have reached a mature age by now, but since my first born I have totally different views and morals now. To be totally honest with you he has caused my anxiety from past situations with drinking before, he done the same with my son, would go out drinking, no contact me, late nights, out all day all night etc so now I sort of have PTSD from that I think, but also this time round is even more difficult already have no a toddler and being so far gone :(

@Stolenyouth it’s enough to be awake until early hours and be over the limit. He doesn’t drink in the week, but when he does drink at weekends it’s usually a binge, he cannot have just one, it has to be 4 or 5, he done the same last weekend too, but this time at least he was only 20 minutes down the road

Well sure there is lots of things we can expect from our partners and they can expect from us but you knew about his drinking when you chose to have another child with him so I doubt he will just stop because you expect him too, and you may have different views than you did back then but he is not you

He has shown you who he is so it would be odd to think he would be any different

I agree with @Renabrook —you decided to have a baby with a binge drinker. Make your birthing plan accordingly.