Anxiety & Social Services

[FirstTimeMumWorries]

Hi. Im a 20yo first time mum and ive got a little boy on the way. Im really stressed out and panicked as I feel I have nowhere to turn.

I have been in NHS talking therapies for a few weeks however ive just had my first session. Turns out i have severe anxiety and it’s obviously on my doctors notes. I really struggle with my stress and I have a lot going through my head all the time.

It’s already on my notes with the midwife that I am unable to work due to having mobility issues and my anxiety but im getting extremely worried.

My partners family have said that social services will get involved due to my anxiety and they will think that as I struggle going out alone that our little boy will be caged in his home and just a lot of stuff. They could also deem me as an unfit mother due to my mobility issues. They have also told me that i could end up loosing custody of him and it will roll over to my partner solely.

I guess what im asking is will social get involved and will they take my baby because of my anxiety and my mobility? I also was going to apply for PIP as this will help massively but Im concerned that anything i say to them will go straight to social and they will think I cant look after my son. I have had so many panic attacks over this and im 28 weeks pregnant so it’s not good at all. I don’t wanna talk to the midwife incase she thinks im crazy or if she will refer me and i’ll have my boy ripped away. i can’t talk to my own family because they don’t understand and my partners family are just terrifying me.

They’ve also mentioned that someone they know has anxiety and the midwives were keeping an extremely close eye on her. I have even been told that we will be “riddled” with social before we know it.I have heard so many horror stories and I am just terrified. I don’t know what to do, has anyone been through this or does anyone know what to do??? I have a midwife appointment tomorrow so should i talk to her??

Who do you have actually supporting you, OP? The best thing you can do is to engage with your midwife, GP etc, work hard at therapy, accept all help offered, and engage with social services if you are referred.

Hi, do you have a supportive partner? A child has two parents so you are not on your own.
Will you need support with a young child and have that arranged - eg partner taking time off work if you end of with a c section etc? Or how oartner can help with night feeds etc.

you have plenty of time to work out how and what help you need, which does not have to be outside agencies,

I do, my partner is beyond supportive so is my family and his family. However everyone is filling my head with horror stories and it’s just terrifying me. My partner is self employed so his hours are completely flexible. We don’t need any help from social services im just worried that someone will think we will.

What I'd do is stop talking to the inlaws, they sound awful and either have an agenda or are enjoying scaring you. You are taking reasonable steps to manage your anxiety by accessing talking therapy and informing your midwife, that is what a good and responsible parent would do and exactly the kind of thing social services would like to see.

If they do become involved, and it is unlikely they even will, then it would be to see if you need any suport, your not anywhere near the threshold for removing baby. As you already have things in place, and are managing your conditions, they would close the case straight away anyway.

OP, don't listen to that family - they have no idea. Talk to your midwife - so many women have problems with their emotional wellbeing during pregnancy and it is taken extremely seriously. There will probably be a specialist midwife in the area who will really want to help you.

Thankyou so much, you have no idea how much relief this has just given me. I truly truly appreciate it.

SS do not take babies just because you have anxiety.

quite apart from anything else there is generally a very long process for it unless you have done something like tried to kill your child yourself.

their first step is usually support. Given how many mums get antenatal or postnatal anxiety they wouldn’t be able to cope with all the babies they’d take away if that were the case.

Wow, are you certain your partner is supportive? Your in-laws are taking bullshit and quite frankly being abusive by trying to scare you that much. If he's joining in, you need some other support in place

Sorry to ask, but do your partner's family have something against you? It sounds like they're being quite nasty in my opinion, filling your head with their baseless opinions. Do they want custody? How is your relationship with your partner? Solid? I'd just be very skeptical of them trying to undermine a young Mum to be, who's clearly in a vulnerable state. I would strongly consider distancing yourself from them, and make it clear to your partner that he needs to be on your side and give you his full support.

The important thing is that you're accessing supports. You're doing all the right things to make you the best Mum you can be. People who don't access supports, don't declare any of their problems and ignore it until it does have an impact on the child are the ones that find themselves having issues. Ask for and engage with as many supports as possible. These services exist to help you and in turn to make sure your child is healthy and safe. No one has any intention of taking a baby from a safe and capable parent.

Your in-laws are not supportive, they are toxic, manipulative and are fuelling your worries and anxiety (probably making you feel a million times worse)
Whether they’re doing it deliberately or not- it is not true and it’s not what you need to hear.

Please do reach out and talk with your midwife, they’re not going to take your baby from you just because you have anxiety and mobility issues. If anything the fact that your voicing your worries to a professional will help them work with you to make you less worried about them taking your baby!

I suffer badly from anxiety and it worsened when I had my baby. The HVs came and visited and supported more than they would the average new mother. Your inlaws sound like horrible people, anxiety does not mean you will be a bad mother, and social services would be a last resort if other support isn't given to you first. You can do this, and tell the inlaws to eff off!

Hello, I'm bipolar and after having my daughter I developed severe depression and psychosis and never had social services mentioned once. There was one week where my partner was asked to not leave me alone whilst I could be assessed but the result of that assessment was yes I'm distressed by my symptoms but I always prioritised my daughters needs and I was fully engaged with my support team to get help.

I had a spell in a mother and baby unit and probably 25-30% of the women had some social services involvement but these were acutely unwell women really struggling with life as well as their mental health and it wasn't their diagnosis that triggered the referrals but the impact their mental health had on their ability to parent. The primary goal was to support them with their mental health and parenting so that it wasn't continued to be impacted and once reached that state the social services involvement stepped back.

It can happen that social services get involved with mothers with mental illness but it really is a teeny tiny percent and only those where they are really struggling. The best thing you can do is keep engaging with help and support and surround yourself with a supportive village, I'd question whether your scaremongering in laws are the people you need

As a disabled mum, you've been told a load of rubbish really. I mean yes my neurologist knew about be being pregnant, and we talked a bit about baby care. The health visitors also talked about my disability when they were doing their checks. Yes I would expect there to be some talk about how you will mange daily tasks as a mum, especially if you are on your own for chunks of time while your partner works. But no-one will want to take your baby away, and no-one will want you not to be able to manage your son. Social services would only be involved if you actually were putting your kid in danger, and there would have to be some big things you were doing wrong for that to be the case.

Go low, or no contact with your horrible in laws from now. Surround yourself with people who will support you. Think through the day with the baby and try an pre-empt the bits you will find difficult and work out how you will deal with them. For example, I knew my coordination was sufficiently rubbish that I would find it hard to change a nappy and stop baby from falling at the same time, so we just put the changing mat on the floor rather than using a changing station. Local children's centres can be really good for advice and support.

Please please please confide in your midwife. Yes they do keep a closer eye on mum’s with severe anxiety- not for social services- but because if you already suffer from anxiety then you are at a much higher risk of suffering with postpartum depression or anxiety. By keeping a close eye they can help get you the support you may need as quickly as possible.

Ignore these people who are trying to scare you, speak to your midwives & health visitor- those are the people who can support you and put extra measures in place to do exactly that x

On a separate note though, and I’m not saying you don’t genuinely have anxiety because you very well might, but put some real distance between yourself and your in laws and you may well notice you feel far less anxious when you aren’t being told repeatedly that your child is going to be taken from you due to your disabilities.

I consider myself very lucky that I don’t suffer with anxiety BUT if every day of my life someone close to me was telling me I was going to lose my daughter then I would feel anxious!

I am not in the UK. But I have severe debilitating anxiety and OCD. Pregnancy was SO rough on my mental health to the point where I didn’t enjoy a single second because I was always convinced something bad was going to happen. My midwives were extremely supportive and referred me to a psychiatrist, which prescribed medication for me. I also see a psychologist weekly for therapy sessions.

My baby is 2 months old now. At no point were social services ever involved or even contacted. My midwives even commented on how well we were doing for first time parents and they were impressed. I do struggle a lot everyday, but I am a good mom and do not let it impact my ability to parent.

You are at higher risk of PPD and PPA, which is taken very seriously. So you might be kept a close eye on for those things, but that doesn’t mean social services will be involved. Anxiety and depression during and after pregnancy is VERY common. And it’s quite rare for social services to be involved. Your boyfriend’s family is trying to scare you. That being said, getting treatment for your own wellbeing and happiness is important.

I was very ill after dd was born. I required time in a psychiatric hospital. SS did not get involved.

I have a long history of anxiety and panic disorder my GP is aware, midwives are aware and I recieve pip for said reasons never had social services involved or even mentioned due to these reasons and tbh I didn’t even know that was a thing lol you will be fine don’t listen to your partners family it’s just scaremongering tbh ! If it makes you feel better I’m 23 too so close in age to yourself and you will be fine when baby comes it will be hard but as long as you have your partners support and some family support you can do it!

From a support in pregnancy point of view. I'm pregnant again and because of how unwell I got after having my daughter this time around I am under the care of two midwives and an obstetrician specialising in mental health and have been referred to the perinatal mental health services. I'll get the full 28 day care from the midwives after birth rather than ~10-14 days like most mothers and I'll get extra HV appointments.

Absolutely 100% the medical staff involved in my care are focused on providing me with the support network to help me manage my mental health in the best way whilst parenting a newborn. There is no judgement or questions about my ability it's all focused on ensuring mine and the babies needs are being met in a supportive way

Who do you live with?

SS will want to know that you recognise you have difficulties with your emotional wellbeing and you get support for this.
speaking to your midwife, GP etc, will demonstrate your ability to want to manage this and get it under control.

They will want to know, who will be around you in times where your anxiety may flare up to support, who will you call? Who can support you to care for the baby.

Your in-laws sound horrible and I am so sorry they are increasing your anxiety!
Babies do and will need to socialise, go to groups, get outdoors, have other experiences, so I would work on how you can access these - who can come out with you to make you feel more comfortable?
I imagine you have been to scans / appointments, so you are able to leave your house?

what does your partner say when his parents are saying this nasty stuff? I’m angry on your behalf!

To reassure you I have Obsessive compulsive disorder diagnosed when my eldest was 1, ive had very severe anxiety and post natal depression. I actually stayed in hospital for a week years ago to to get my meds back in my sister. I had similar when my OCD was bad my mum said dont say too much they will think the worst. It made life harder and then one day I went to the doctors on my own broke down and told them everything, that led to diagnosis and medication. I have never in 21 years of parenting have any social services involvement even when I stayed in hospital. The key thing is the ability to safeguard, so having a plan in place and recognising when to seek help for your mental health. I hope this helps reassure you that it doesn't have to be like that. I have four children in total.

I have pretty bad mobility issues some days and have a 3 year old and due another baby any day now and never at any stage have I had social services involved in our lives. Not even a sniff of it . Your in laws are just trying to frighten you for some reason. I think your partner needs to tell them to shut up

What your partners family is doing is bang out of order. Instead of filling your mind up with further worry and fear when you’re pouring your heart out to them they should step up and offer to support you. I would say do not speak to your midwives about your mental health because I find they do tend to hold things like that against you sometimes, however a PIP application is independent of any added pressure because the PIP team don’t alert any other teams of your struggles, it is an independent team. Apply for PIP under mental health grounds, have a look at forms etc before you do so that you can get an idea as to what they will ask you. List all medications, therapies and GP supporting letters to strengthen your case being heard. It is a very stressful application though so maybe it is best to wait until you have your baby and heal before you tackle the forms. Sending you love and light ❤️

I'm a first time mum with a 6 month old but social services are involved due to not finding out until I was 26 weeks I'm also diabetic so they think I will struggle to look after myself and my daughter as I've been admitted to hospital during my pregnancy. I'm worried that I will loose her when I'm doing the best I can. I feel I can't talk to anyone

Unless you are a danger to yourself and others I would distance yourself from any NHS therapies and definitely don't apply for PIP as it would just give them ammunition. You don't want any additional stress at this time.

Presumably your partner is aware of your struggles and the baby was planned. Did you discuss the financial implications and will he be supporting you. When did you last work?