After this pregnancy no more, now how to do I get DH to have the snip?

[whomovedmychocolate]

He point blank refuses. Says I should be sterilised. Even suggests I have a repeat cs so 'you can get it all over and done with in one go'

Now my opinion of this is as follows:

(1) He's 20 years older than me and even if I died tomorrow would be unlikely to meet anyone else and remarry or have more kids - he'll have two after this pregnancy. Whereas I am relatively young and could potentially do so. (I may actually kill him to test this theory the way he's going ).

(2) I've been through two (quite horrible) pregnancies, two miscarriages, a caesarian and hopefully one normal delivery by the end of this year - it's his bloody turn.

(3) I can't take any hormonal pills - have bad reactions to them, have a blood clotting disorder which stops me having a coil fitted and we both hate condoms. We thought we were infertile so never worried about it before. Hence we now have one child and another cooking nicely.

(4) I am more likely to elect the BNP than elect for another cs and since the last two times I've had general anaesthesia my heart has stopped and I've had to be given the nasty sparky pads to revive me, I'd really rather not have another surgery involving being put out - and I know they won't do it as part of a cs because it's more likely to fail if they do.

I haven't actually stated reason one to him for reasons of diplomacy. But I think he's being a selfish twonk tad unreasonable.

He's the sort of person who has not seen a GP in several decades as well, unhealthy lifestyle but seems to thrive on it too .

Anyone managed to solve this issue and care to tell me how they did it?

My dh had the snip of his own volition, so can't help on the persuasion front (did take him three or four years to actually get around to it though...). I suspect the only way that men can really be persuaded is by talking to other guys who have had it done. You could refuse to have sex?

Golly. This does sound like neither of you wants to go through something very uncomfortable, but it is in your case potentially dangerous also - even life threatening.
So point one, is that there is no way you should have it done. I don't think anyone would disagree with you there. In fact if your husband spoke to the GP or anyone else involved, he would be laughed at for suggesting it I think or at least made aware how daft he is being.

Second point is that I think he is probably scared about having the op, and I don't blame him - but it does indicate a bit of a lack of commitment toward you, possibly - not sure about that - I can't imagine many men would jump at the chance!

I think you need to sop pressuring each other and instead look at another method. I hate the pill as well, it turns me into a lunatic, and I have used the diaphragm successfully in the past. It isn't ideal but it does seem pretty reliable if used correctly.

Also think about natural family planning - not as 70s as it sounds, and can be extremely reliable especially if you temp and use ovulation predictors etc. It would restrict your sex life a little but if you are committed to it, really can be effective and deffo worth considering in a situation like this.

I am not really in favour of any surgery unless it is necessary - you could even combine methods, ie NFP/fertility awareness plus a diaphragm, plus spermicide, would be pretty low risk.

so what was his response to reasons 2-4?

I can't help but feel he's being incredibly selfish. After everything you've been through it's really unacceptable. My father had the snip, which I always admired him for. My friend's husband, after two unwanted pgs, refuses also to do so. She's really frustrated by it.

I don't know what I'd do in this situation apart from refuse to have sex, but then that could damage relations in the long run.

In terms of the actual procedure it's not a big deal. Why not do it while he's asleep! Joking of course, tempting as though it may be.

I agree he's being selfish, after what you have suffered, but also can sympathise as I wouldn't want to have something 'fixed' if it wasn't 'broken' iyswim...anything you have done to your body is personal and I don't generally like the idea of surgery if there are alternatives. However this means he should not be pressuring you either, so I do think he is being very selfish and inconsiderate

Do look at the other options though.

I can understand him not wanting it done but I agree with you that its "his turn" so to speak. Also the snip is straightforward compared to a woman being sterilised and not major surgery like a c section is. Its also quicker and with a faster recovery time and I bet he wont be running around after one child and a new baby after he has it done (men just seem to get away with this).

My DH is actually happy to have it done but if you compare it to what women go through in the child bearing process its a walk in the park!

Not a lot of help that but wanted to sympathise.

I ideally would like my huby to have the snip after this baby (no3), but he is adamant he is not having done because he is mentally scared from having a circumsision at 8 years old . Not a good enough excuse in my eyes. I have carried 4 children for him (miscarried 1) and he would rather me pump my body with chemicals. I did say if I ended up with a c-section for any reason, I would consider tubes tied at the same time, but I can't see things heading that way after 2 natural deliveries already. Like you, I feel like it is his turn to step up.

As it is, he will be in for a shock or either no sex at all unless he sorts things, or will have to use condoms which we both hate as I refuse to go on the pill or use the coil. I've been through enough! Besides, the snip is easier to reverse too.

Good luck! If you find a way to persuade him, let me know!

Hi Whomovedmychocolate, I am a nurse and occasionally work in theatre recovery and at times sit with men who are getting the snip under local aneasthetic, many of the procedures are now even carried out in gp surgerys! Anyway it would be so much easier for him to have a relatively painless 10 minute op than for you to go through major surgery, the men that I have looked after during this procedure have never complained about pain during the op I believe they are a little swollen and bruised a few days after but nohing paracetamol does not help, I am due baby no 2 in novemeber and my dh readily agreed to have this done soon after. Good luck trying to convince him and I agree with you it will be far more sensible for him to have this done. {smile}

My DH is also adamant he won't and TBH, I'm not sure it's something I feel that I can force him to do, though I agree that your case for it is extremely compelling. And I hate the idea of being on birth control for another ten years at least and we have got pg four times (one mc) straight away, so obviously have to be careful. But still...am also of the 'if it ain't broke...' mentality and given that vasectomy/sterilisation is v difficult to reverse, I can understand his reluctance.

I also never say never, am paranoid that my children may be wiped out in some freak attack etc and then I'll want more

I agree with Malory. Or sex with condoms only or none at all.

Sorry, but he's being a git on this, because for you there really aren't any other alternatives.

Furthermore, having a tubal ligation during csection is less effective, anyway. That's a known fact.

DH definitely wants one after this one, no. 3, is born.

I've had forceps delivery, terrible pregnancies, AND and PND, a missed m/c and ERPC, etc.

I can't take hormonal contraception either and copper coil is NOT for me.

IF you have a history of reacting badly to anashetic, then I think he is being unrasonable. Also, and I may well be wrong here, but isn't female sterilisation major surgery and having the snip something you can do in your lucnh break? I would be really hacked off if my DH made me go through major surgery if there were more straightforward alternatives. Even if it meant a little discomfort for him. But maybe I am being naive and optomistic that we will stay together.

My dh was the same.For v good reasons I CANNOT have another baby.My two best friends were in the same boat.We all got together and decided

SEX STRIKE.

Both friends dh have had it done and mine is having it done next month

There is a new method of female sterilisation available. It's available privately and in limited areas on the NHS.

It's under local anaesthetic, femalesterilisation

BUT, you still need to use another form of birth control for 3 months after the procedure and it cannot be reversed.

I told dd that as well as sex strike I would personally use the two bricks left by builders and do job myself!!

men are such pansies

Yeah, the problem is I would be the one to miss sex not him. He's not all that rampant grrr.

I don't think there is any easy answer. Perhaps I'll arrange an accident with a vice in the workshop