Finding people overbearing

[pippapeggy]

I'm more than prepared to be told that I'm being somewhat unreasonable here!
For context, I'm quite a private person. I'd consider myself to be well-mannered, in that I don't ask people awkward questions etc.

I'm finding it difficult to adjust to the constant stream of questions when pregnant. This is my first pregnancy and I am about 16 weeks along. As I said I am quite a private person and don't really enjoy fuss.

Some of the questions I've been asked:

• What am I having? Am I going to find out?
• How much leave am I taking from work? (I genuinely haven't figured this out yet)
• How far along am I? And what is the exact due date?

Again, ready to be told that I'm being unreasonable etc but I personally wouldn't ask people these questions. Most of them have came from people who don't even have children so I find it bizarre. Any ideas of how I can put up with it?

I think people are just being interested. They’re fairly common questions. You’re going to have to get used to it as it’ll continue your whole pregnancy and when they’re born!!!

These all seem reasonable questions to me, from people just showing an interest.

You do get some really personal ones, like "was it planned" and "will you breastfeed" which I do feel cross a line unless it's someone you're close with.

they’re just showing a minimal interest. It’s fine to give vague or ‘don’t know answers’.

pregnancy is pretty boring for everyone but the parents so ‘what are you having’ or ‘when are you due’ are fairly standard.

It’s normal to be asked these sorts of questions. If you don’t like it just be vague, particularly with your due date and if you go into labour. If people know your due date you’ll spend weeks with people going “any signs yet” even before your due date, and if you go late it will be even more annoying. Same with broken waters, labour etc. if you tell people they’ll be hounding for hourly updates. I find that weird personally. Like why does the dilation of someone else’s cervix elicit such interest in people? It does though, and you can’t change that except by going phone free in labour, or keeping it secret until the baby actually arrives.

ETA: wait also for questions around your feeding choices. Your boobs are going to be more interesting to randomers than page 3 was in the 90’s.

All totally normal questions. Just be polite and say ‘not sure yet’.

I was pregnant in a country we moved to for my husbands work. I didn’t know anyone and when I fell pregnant no one cared. No one asked me any questions or commented on my belly or was the slightest bit interested in whether me or the baby lived or died. If you want to be around people who don’t care just move 🤷

These are all normal and common questions that people ask.

Sometimes people don't really know what to ask/ say - especially people without kids themselves - but they want to show an interest. It doesn't mean they actually care about all the details, they're making conversation.

You don't have to give them specific details, just say you're not sure yet.

People are interested in babies and perhaps a bit envious. The trouble is many of them have very odd ways of showing it.

I got yelled at in Tesco by a total stranger for buying a prawn sandwich, 🙄 and several people on the tube put their hands on my stomach which I struggled with.

Can you develop some very dull stock answers, and hopefully they'll give up.

It’s just small talk
i work in a building with 1400 people I was asked these questions every day for months
plus others

pregnancy brings out the clucky hen in me and I found it lovely that women gather around and want to reminisce and fuss

have a polite but vague comment ready that gives “ I don’t want to talk about it “ vibes
“haven’t decided yet”

I think this is people just trying to make conversation, share an interest in it.

It’s the equivalent of anything notable happening in your life and people asking questions about it.

is it your first? You could have kept it a secret for longer.

I’ve just gone on maternity
leave, having been back at work a year since my previous maternity leave. My first child, and pregnancy is literally the only thing people talked to me about!

Was the baby planned, @pippapeggy ?

LOL at being envious. That's wishful thinking on your part.

Would never want to be pregnant.

OP says she's 16 weeks so hardly likely that everyone's noticed some huge bump; I'd imagine she's told them so obviously she wants her colleagues to know and so of course they are socially obliged to ask things like 'Is it a boy or girl'. In the same way that if someone came and told me they'd bought a new car I'd ask 'What type?' or 'What colour?' etc etc. I don't care and it's rather funny that people think colleagues genuinely have an interest in their future children. Comes across as rather self-aborbed.

Tbh those are pretty normal questions and you still have a long way to go so I'd decide now how you want to answer them..

Oh my goodness I feel exactly the same!!
im 39 weeks this week and although I’ve loved the physical side of being preganant I’ve found the constant stream of questions really tough. Like you I am private, introvert (and quite possibly autistic)

all the responses that say people are just making small talk are really true and really correct - people are making conversation.

HOWEVER - I’ve felt quite uncomfortable with how much pregnancy gives people an ‘in’ to make small talk - about my body and it’s changes etc. and quite private things that I don’t have an answer to- are you going back to work, ( which is always the wrong answer no matter what you give)
was it planned ? What are your birth plans?

personally don’t mind being asked gender or due date as for some reason feels less intrusive. I do mind comments on my size for example ‘you look like a ship in full sail’

I’ve loved finishing work and being a social recluse in my house where I don’t have to talk to anyone I don’t want to

I also found the constant people trying to touch my belly so f*cking weird like ewww get your hands off me.

but I agree in all honestly the constant stream of questioning is sooooo exhausting. Now I’m close to my due date I get ‘is baby here yet yet?’ ‘No baby yet then?’ ‘Any sign of baby?’
as if I would be like yeah I had them yesterday but forgot to tell you.

I KNOW people are excited! Totally get it!