Second baby timing and career

[trufflesandolives]

I have a DS just turned one and I'm 36.5 years old while my DH is nearly 47. It took us 10 months to conceive DS. I've just returned to work and started a new role in which I have no prior experience in a climate of layoffs and whispers of a restructure happening in the next 6 months. Legally, I have maternity protections against redundancy up until DS turns 18 months. Ideally, I would have liked to have a second DC when DS turns 3. However, if I wait until then it's very possible that in the meantime I would lose my job with the restructure and have to find another job and regain maternity benefits all of which could mean waiting 1.5 years before starting to try again at which point I'd be 38+ and my fertility will have dipped significantly. While my job could be more protected if I did fall pregnant again, on the other hand a second pregnancy would mean return of the brain fog which wouldn't do me any favours in trying to prove myself in my new role.

So either I wait and prove myself in my new role but possibly face redundancy and second DC timing becomes an unknown. The benefit here would be that I'd become more confident in my new role and have new skills under my belt. Or I start trying imminently and perform less well in my new role but have protections in place against a redundancy (or at least expect an enhanced redundancy pay package). It's worth noting that I got a high performance score when I was 8 months pregnant but I know well how much harder I had to work to achieve that.

Also I don't plan to stay with my current employer in the long run for various reasons.

Should I start trying sooner or later?

I am about to have our second, and our first was 2 in April. I went back to work with similar reservations about trying for a second. Firstly I was concerned the judgement of a short gap, but also changes within the business.

its a really difficult decision to make, my husband’s view is that we didn’t want our family life to be dictated to by my career, but equally we’re in the fortunate position that we could live of his wage if we had to.

I think if I was in your position I would start trying for a baby sooner rather than later, mostly because it took 10 months with your first, but also because you don’t see your current employer being long term. On this basis it don’t think you’d regret having another.

I think there’s a lot to be said for getting maternity leaves “out the way” to then go back to being career focused

Given your age, I’d just get cracking Op

My career was on ice / not completely fucked but sort of sideways fucked after my first at 38.

I had a good mat leave and medical benefits so I cracked on. After your age i would too...

I had a 22m gap and no regrets. It was hard but it got easier post 1 year...

I am big tech so will probably be made redundant as some point. Semi amazed it hasn't happened already tbh...

I know factually my company take employment law as a light suggestion now. We have had several lay off rounds now.
If the lay off and the money is enough you they can do what they like.
We get notice period 4 weeks on top and then 2 weeks per year worked.

Very few people want to waste 2 years of their child's life going to tribunal only for it to be dismissed and the package was generous and well above legal minimum

I was in a similar position and decided to ttc as I reasoned I could always pick my career back up but couldn’t get back the years ttc. It took over a year to conceive my DS and I’m 35.

As it happens we conceived quickly with DC2 but I don’t have any regrets. I’ll still be 36 when I give birth and I don’t think I’d have the energy to do it much later!

There are just far too many factors you can never predict so you just have to do what you feel is right/more important. Can you be saving in case you move jobs and don’t qualify for enhanced maternity? Also redundancy sounds really scary but depending on what your payout will be it might actually work in your favour- especially if you don’t intend to stay long term as you say.
Unless you are living on the breadline there are usually ways to make it work if you need to. Even reframing it helps. We have a DD who is 2 and another on the way. Are we worse off financially since DD and will we be worse off with the new baby? Yep- absolutely! There’s no getting around that. But at the same time our bills get paid, our children are healthy, fed and well cared for. At the end of the day that’s all that matters. Things will get easier financially when I am able to work more, not paying nursery fees, hopefully a few pay rises as well... It’s just the season of life we are in and we just need to grin and bear it. Our family is worth it.

I agree but it's the "living on the breadline" part that worries me. Our mortgage repayments increased drastically last year when interest rates had spiked and our fixed term had come to an end. Our fixed term ends next April again and if rates stay as low as they are now then we'll be able to live on my DH's salary alone (albeit temporarily as it won't be fun) and therefore we won't be "on the breadline". If however, we get a bad mortgage rate and I am left unemployed we would have a 3 figure deficit every month and be eating rapidly into our savings. Then again, me being unemployed would hopefully mean a payout which would help tide us over.

@trufflesandolives you can never know the way interests rates will go, but realistically April is less than a year away and you can apply for your new mortgage up to six months before your current one ends, so actually you’re talking about potentially fixing your new mortgage by the end of this year. You can also fix it for a longer term, which even if it’s a bit more each month at least you know exactly what you are paying for the next five years or so and can plan life accordingly.
Even worst case scenario it wouldn’t be using savings forever, it would be using them for the rainy day period you’ve probably been saving them for anyway until you can get a new job and get some kind of income again. You sound like a planner, I don’t think you’re the kind of person to bury their head in the sand about their financial situation and would find a solution if you really needed to, even if it meant something like returning from maternity leave earlier than you’d hoped.
In terms of your income now and getting a second baby in, your remortgage is probably more important than the maternity pay element (maternity leave is no more than a year, a mortgage is waaaay longer). If you are thinking sooner rather than later for baby 2, in your situation I would probably wait until August-September and apply for the remortgage as early as possible (Nov-Dec). That way if you fall straight away you are looking at a May-June baby and you will be able to produce your payslips etc. based on your salary now and not maternity leave so will make the remortgage smoother.
That’s just over a two year gap between, not the intended 3 but not sure how important that is to you.
If you don’t fall straight away you may get more like a 3 year gap, but as you say may be at the mercy of the restructure. Equally, you may be able to avoid the restructure by going on maternity leave during or soon after, even if it means you need to look for a new job after.

I'm in a similar position in that if I waited another year or two to TTC #2 I could have more opportunities to grow professionally in the direction I wanted. My DH would also be more advanced in his career and our financial situation would be better then. But I refuse to prioritise career over family because I have realistically 4-5 years of fertility left whereas I have another 30 years I'll be working. As others have said, if you won't be on the breadline then I would not delay TTC for professional concerns. It's too big a regret if it then doesn't happen and you lose your job anyway.

Exactly, it's the remortgage that needs factoring into family planning now. Wouldn't waiting until August/September be unnecessarily late? I was thinking of starting to try in July so that by January when we can secure a new deal (3 months before the fixed term ends) I'll be 6 months pregnant at the most so I wouldn't already be on maternity leave. If we started trying now I'd risk having DC in March/April before the mortgage switch happens (although if we've already secured a new rate I think we'd be ok). The earlier we start trying the better since it took a while last time but equally I don't want to start mat leave before we remortgage.

That's a really good way of putting it - thanks!

I would start ttc if you definitely want a second child, given your age. As others have said, you have many years left to work.

Well it’s just because it’s not unheard of for mortgage lenders to run final checks, and it’s also not unheard of for babies to arrive much earlier than planned. I think August gives you a bit more security, and it’s what 2-3 cycles to wait, not a whole year or anything. But now could also work.
I wouldn’t focus on it taking you 10 months before or get caught up on this idea of fertility dropping off a cliff at the stroke of midnight on your 35th birthday though. This is a whole new attempt. I’m the same age as you and got a positive test with this baby 2 weeks after stopping contraception in advance of actively TTC later this year. Every cycle is a game of chance.

If it takes you 10 months to conceive again and you're pregnant for 9 months then DS will be nearly 3 if you start trying next month.

Tbh if your husband is 47 and it took you 10 months I would crack on. You don't know what else might happen.

Are you having regular periods now? Have you both been taking antenatal /pre-pregnancy supplements for 3 months?

@Groundhogday2025 do you think I should apply the same caution if I qualify for enhanced Maternity pay which is the first three months on full pay? I'm not sure whether I will qualify again because I need to check my contract to see what gap my two Maternity leaves will need to have...

I wouldn’t be as cautious about the enhanced maternity pay, you’ll get SMP at least so I’d save for a poor year if I didn’t. That said, I’ve never personally known an enhanced scheme to require you to be back from maternity leave more than 6 months to qualify for enhanced leave again (so you should well qualify for enhanced by the time baby arrives). Have a look as it may not be a factor at all.

@Groundhogday2025 sorry I meant that perhaps the enhanced mat pay (being full pay) would potentially cover me if the bank did a final check of my income?

I would TTC asap, you don’t know how long it will take. Regarding redundancy- unfortunately you’re not really protected from it. You have some extra rights but they can still make you redundant. For example, they have to try and find you an alternative role but in reality it’s v easy for them to claim there isn’t one. Plus they might pay you more out of fear of being accused of pregnancy discrimination. What I’m trying to say is, you shouldn’t let your career dictate the timing of your TTC in any way as being pregnant or not will not change anything if your role is selected for redundancy.

I think banks will use your full wage for the mortgage, and they will probably just want confirmation you are planning to return to work.

slightly difference situation but on my last mat leave we looked at getting a second mortgage, they just wanted confirmation I was returning to work and what our childcare costs would be (I said I was returning to work and childcare would be done by family - not true. But was accepted for the mortgage no issues)