AIBU for waiting until next year to TTC

[OneRubyPanda]

I’m 34 this year and getting married next year. Currently I’m on the pill due to irregular and incredibly heavy/painful periods (pcos and two tiny fibroids). I tried to go off the pill a year and a half ago and felt miserable for 15 months because I didn’t have a single break from my period once it came back.

Due to my age, I’m getting nervous about waiting until next year to start trying and pushing it off due to the wedding, I don’t want to foolishly reduce my chances of conceiving any more than I have at my age. I’m even considering telling my fiance we shouldn’t go on a big honeymoon and prioritise TTC ASAP after our wedding.

Has anyone been in this situation where they feel they have to stick to a timeline but don’t want to sabotage themselves?

If kids are important to you I wouldn't wait for the sake of one day. Given your history, conceiving might not be the easiest and sadly time is ticking. That said, you might catch straight away and have a baby at your wedding which is lovely - everyone loves a baby cuddle and sharing that day with your whole family is really special. Best of luck whatever you decide.

I would crack on too. I'm 34 now and feel like I'm running out of time (for a second, not first). I had a miscarriage in January. Someone I know has been trying for nearly 2 years now and no success due to their PCOS.

I would come off now if I were you to get it out your system. You can take norethisterone tablets nearer to the wedding to delay your period so it doesn't fall on your wedding day. I too suffer with awful periods, the GP can pescribe strong Painkillers which takes the edge off a bit when it's really bad. Congratulations on your wedding xx

The first sentence of the first comment nails it. Your wedding is one day and you have no idea how long it might take you to conceive. I definitely wouldn't delay!

If you have a diagnosed fertility issue (eg. not just self diagnosed), some trusts will refer you without having to do the 6m-1y ttc first. I have PCOS. I was under endocrinology at the time, but they referred me to the fertility clinic straight away, so that we could at least be on the fertility clinic waiting list. So in the first instance, you could have a chat with your GP about referrals and what the position is in your area. We needed 3 rounds of letrozole to conceive DD1 when I was 34, but then DD2 was a natural conception at 37. So sometimes it doesn't always go the most logical way anyway.

Depending on exactly when your wedding is, you could always start ttc and then if you dont fall pregnant, just pause for the couple of months which +40w would mean your due date might be around the wedding time. Our honeymoon was also 5months after our wedding - we had a mini moon in the UK for 4days immediately after the wedding. So you could do something like that and book it much nearer the wedding so you'd know what the position is nearer the time.

Difficult as you can’t predict how quickly you’ll conceive, there is nothing stopping you trying on a ‘big’ honeymoon. If you get pregnant soon and are unlikely with sickness etc that would be tough on your wedding day. No easy answer to this one. What you could do as in between is maybe start ovulation testing and come off the pill.

I would start now honestly. I'm 34 and its taken me 4 years to get pregnant. I'm currently 10 weeks.

I wouldn't delay. I got married at 32, delayed TTC until 34 so we could "enjoy" the first couple of years of married life (which actually ended up being spent in lockdown so questionable how enjoyable it was!). I came off the pill at 34 and had all manner of issues with my cycle, resulting in loads of fertility tests and a referral to the IVF waiting list. We didn't get to the top of the list until I was 37, and by then we still hadn't had any luck conceiving. Fortunately IVF did work for us first time and I'm due next month at age 38. So 4 years after starting TTC, and 6 years after deciding to delay starting the process. Given you already have a diagnosed fertility issue, I really wouldn't put it all on hold for the sake of one day.

I havent been diagnosed with a fertility issue, however it took me nearly a year to fall pregnant and im 28.
Dont put it off, come off the pill now, and just try, dont cancel the honeymoon either, it may be the relaxation you need!

I would start now - I started at 34 with no known fertility issues on either side, periods like clockwork every 28days etc. It took me 17months to get pregnant and those 17m were hellish! It may of course happen straight away for you, but it didn’t for me and I don’t have PCOS or fibroids! Good luck with whatever you choose xx

I think whatever you decide, you have to be prepared for the possibility that it could happen straight away and what that would mean for your plans. I was so sick with both my pregnancies until about 20 weeks that I absolutely couldn't have enjoyed my wedding or honeymoon, not sure I'd even have made it down the aisle. You have to weigh up all your circumstances and how you might feel in each scenario then make the right decision for you. I remember waiting until the "right time", worrying about getting older and feeling a real emotional urge to get started. Best of luck whatever you decide.