Terrified of giving birth/ being a mum...

[Lovebythesea]

Hi all, I am expecting my first baby and I am happy/excited but I am also terrified of so many things. I only have about a month left and things are starting to feel very real.

Firstly of going into labour and actually giving birth, being in hospital, things going wrong with me and/or baby, the whole experience gives me anxiety and I have had many sleepless nights over it.

Secondly of actually just being a mum in general and not being good enough...
Scared that I won't bond with baby, worried about the sleepless nights and how I will cope with such a big change in life. I come from a small family and have no experience with little babies, will things just come naturally to me? I have done so much research over the last few months to prepare myself but know it will be very different once she's here.

I'm not sure what I am expecting from writing this post but I don't feel comfortable talking about it with friends so perhaps a few words of wisdom or if any of you felt the same way? Is there anything else that I can do to prepare myself better? Thank you

No-one can give you any guarantees but I would say to you, you are in good hands in the hospital, trust the experts and be guided by them. Your body is incredible and can cope with far more than you can now imagine.

I too had.no experience of babies before having my own. I found it took me about 24 hours in a busy post natal ward to feel the love I could see all the second time mothers giving to their babies, but the love did come and it was strong. Take all the advice and guidance re handling the baby and washing and feeding him/ her from everyone around you. People gravitate towards you when you have a baby and lots of them have done it all before, sometimes multiple times. But you will quickly learn for yourself what works and what doesn't. Remember, not everything works out immediately but usually things work out eventually.

And no, life will never be the same again. That is part of the great adventure that awaits you. You will probably not get much sleep for months, if not years, so try to relax and get as much sleep as you can now.

Good luck!

Hi OP.

Hypnobirthing is fantastic for understanding exactly what happens during birth, your options, how to assert yourself, how to make your own decisions and how to breath and many pain among many other skills. It’s really empowering and helped me a lot during pregnancy. There are tonnes of books on it and many many free courses. Definitely give this a go!

you could also refer to your local wellbeing team/talking therapies for anxiety/worry management. You should be prioritised as you are pregnant. You can self refer online (just type in your county/borough and talking therapies and it should come up) or your GP/midwife can refer you. CBT is great for anxiety management.

The hospital in my experience were so good! The midwifes were amazing, I think when you get there you'll feel so much better about it. It isn't as full on as you probably imagine, it can be quite lengthy so for me that helped as I spent alot of time just relaxing (I had the epidural would highly recommend lol). It may not go to plan, mine didn't. And that's ok, but trust that whatever happens all will be fine. Once you have your baby omg it's amazing! You'll know exactly what to do, maternal instinct is so real. There isnt much you can do to prepare honestly, it'll be like nothing you've ever imagined but in a good way. It will also be tough, newborn stage is very testing, take all the support you can and rest where possible. It all goes so quickly, my son's 9 months now and he's just amazing, I don't know what I did before he was here

It would be weird if you weren’t nervous really. It’s a massive deal 🤷‍♀️ you won’t be the same again, that’s not bad. You’re just going into the unknown. That’s ok! Good luck, enjoy it.

Just to say if you don't enjoy it and bond straight away that is completely normal. It took me a few weeks. Please just talk to the midwifes and health visitors about any worries - they are there to help you.

If you can I’d really recommend doing one of the in-person antenatal group courses. We did one called Expecting but there’s a few different ones around. The course itself was okay, we knew most of it already from our own research, but having the group of parents to talk to while all going through the process of giving birth and raising a little one has been so invaluable. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without them. I know not all groups keep in touch so it does require a bit of effort to do this, but we set up a WhatsApp group and just having people there to ask questions and for support throughout the journey makes such a big difference, especially for people with very small families like me

Hi OP I was similar during pregnancy. Ds is now 3 months old. I had a c section but it was litterally fine. While pregnant it was my worse fear ever. Obviously lying yourself down on a bed and being cut open isn’t the most amazing thing in the world but when your there and it’s your child being born and arriving safely and the support of the drs/midwives you’ll be absolutely fine. The care I received was amazing and I was a clueless ftm and the midwife’s teached me everything I needed to know/ asked. The first few weeks was challenging and pure survival as your hormones are crazy, your adapting to having a new little human to care for and your new at it all and it’s super overwhelming but you will get through it. I wish someone had warned me just how hard those first few weeks could be as it was a complete shock. Saying that though Ds had some tummy troubles, I was recovering from major surgery and he was a crap sleeper and wouldn’t sleep unless in someone arms. I’m here to tell you it will be fine and you’ll get through it. Birth and motherhood. Everything’s just a moment and phase and will pass. You’ll be in safe hands, take all the support you can get, the housework can wait. Do some meal prep to freeze or have some takeaway money spare and focus on your new bundle of joy. The best days ever are approaching!! I felt like I was crap at it the first few weeks but it’s so natural now and I know him so so well🥰

I think it’s fairly normal to feel like that, I did. Just wait and let things progress as they do. I really hope you find it as beautiful as it is.

I think it’s normal to have a wobble. For me, giving birth was the easy part. I spent so much time researching birth and labour I forgot to read up on what to do with an actual baby.
My biggest piece of advice would be to step away from the information overload on social media, mumsnet, tik tok etc. I found it suppressed my instincts and in all honesty my common sense.

@Lovebythesea no words of wisdom but you’re not the only one feeling this way - I could have written your post word for word except I’m 39+3 and it’s all feeling VERY real now.