I feel like the love is dwindling suddenly

[Shynslk]

It feels awful to even say it. I love seeing my little one kick and I worry a lot when he's quiet, but I feel like I don't have that love or that bond yet. If anything, I feel like the love has kind of went down a bit. Maybe it's just because it's been replaced with nerves or maybe I'm starting to get hormonal.

I've had no mood swings or anything this entire pregnancy. Since last week, I've started to feel a bit more emotional. I'm 26 weeks, so maybe it's just hormones coming through? Anyways, this will be my first baby and I'm absolutely terrified how I'll be as a mother. The truth is, I've no idea what to do. My family is tiny, I've never been around babies much before. I don't know how to change a nappy, I don't know how to know if baby is too hot or cold, I don't even know if I know how to hold a baby right.

The biggest worry for me is bonding. Why have I suddenly felt like I don't feel a bond anymore? I'm scared about the tiredness that's going to hit me too, and just the general stress. I know this is normal, and have asked my mam to stay with us for a few days after I give birth so I'm sure that's something that will help, but I just feel like the nerves are hitting me now - and I still have 14 weeks left! When I asked my husband if he loves our baby already, he said he does absolutely and I feel like yeah I do love my baby but I guess I'm just nervous, I don't know.

Wondering if anyone else felt the same or has any advice?

Honestly it’s probably nerves more than anything. It’s such an uncertain time, your mind can race with so many ‘what if’s’. I personally didn’t find pregnancy a particularly bonding experience, nor the first 6 or so weeks post partum. But from then the baby starts to have a bit more personality and starts to smile at you etc and that’s when it really gets amazing in my opinion. Easier said than done, but try not to stress!

You haven't met them yet!
Go easy on yourself!

When you give birth, your body will release a a gush of hormones and that is what triggers bonding. When you hold your little one you won't know ehat has hit you.
At the moment, it's all abstract and hypothetical.

It could also just be boredom of being pregnant?

I've reached a point where it's all I've thought about since I found out, and during ttc that I am bored of thinking about it now, which I guess can feel like lack of love, but I know deep down it isn't...if that makes sense?

I wouldn't put pressure on yourself to feel a certain why, I'm honestly not sure what loving something that I can't see, hold and touch is meant to feel like. And that's okay, as i know I want this baby and will do my best at being a good mother. As will you

This is NOT always true. Don't worry if you don't feel this "rush of love" OP. It's only hormones, not real love, and about a third of women don't experience it. It's fine to fall in love with your baby slowly, every day a little more, like you do with any other human you love.

You can’t possibly love someone you haven’t met yet! I don’t think I gave my pregnancy a second thought until I was almost at my due date. That pregnancy is now a beautiful, stubborn, moody 13 year old.

Don't worry, OP, one could say it's more unusual to love someone you've never even met! Although I do understand, of couse. I didn't feel love until a few weeks after my DS was born while DH was crying in the delivery room. By all accounts, both reactions are perfectly normal.

Honestly? I didn’t bond with my bump or really appreciate and accept I was actually pregnant until baby was here.

Oh gosh there is no reason at all why you should feel a bond during pregnancy. Some people might but I don’t think I did. I was really pleased to be pregnant and mixed nervous/excited/uncertain to meet them. I definitely didn’t have a rush of love when I first saw my baby either.

Don’t overthink it. Just go with what you are feeling. There is no right answer here.

And also remember practically no one knows how to look after a baby until they have one. It’s a pretty steep learning curve which isn’t always easy but is worth it.

Didn't think of my bump as anything but a bump until the baby arrived. Dc1 I did get a rush of love but she was a very high needs baby and it was hard! Dc2 no rush of love, it took about 4-5 months to grow some fondness.

You will be fine OP, I wouldn't overanalyse your feelings right now. I think it's different for us women, who are physically in the state of pregnancy - sickiness and uncomfortable with a changing body and getting our heads around our changing identities as we see the oncoming role of motherhood and all that it entails. The blokes aren't dealing with half of the changes that we are, so it makes sense that your feelings would be more nuanced than your partners. It certainly was the case for me anyway.
On the practical side - we got tommeetippee groegg temp lamp. It comes with a recommended dress chart ie, how many layers to dress baby in at the different temperature zones. It took the confusion and fear out of those first few weeks at home, until I'd worked up the confidence to work it out myself.

https://www.argos.co.uk/product/7116980Ps.

Ps. I found that so much of it was winging it in the early days, and if it didn't work out? Well we don't do it that way next time 😄
Good luck OP xxx

I'm 36 weeks pregnant and I wouldn't say I feel especially bonded to the baby at this moment, and that's despite enjoying the experience of pregnancy overall. I do however know that I would be devastated if anything were to happen that meant I didn't end up with a baby at the end of the process, so whilst I don't have a measurable feeling of "love" yet, I don't think that's a concern. PPs who've already had their babies have articulated well that you can't really love someone you've not met, and that it is a feeling that will grow with time once the baby arrives.

Don't be too hard on yourself or compare yourself to others that you may have seen online or spoken to who may be projecting a picture perfect image of being besotted with their unborn baby. I think a lot of that is impression management and people wanted to paint a particular image of themselves that may not reflect how they really feel. Additionally, the anxiety about becoming a parent is normal and it's new and different for everyone doing it first time. In fact, even for people doing it again, it's still a new experience as they then have to work out the logistics of balancing newborn care with childcare. I'm working on the assumption that everyone is just winging it; some people make it look easier than others, but it's very much going to be a learn as you go job!

I didn’t bond with the babies at all before birth. It’s obviously a completely one-sided thing and if you don’t create it yourself I don’t think it happens. I didn’t have the immediate rush of love either, it took a few days. I liked them a lot and wanted to take care of them though, and I think I had great instincts.

Did not “bond” with DD as a bump. Didn’t feel a “rush of love” after either so much as a rush of “desperate need to protect this helpless creature at all costs”. DD was a high needs baby and the day to day “grind” (I hate to say, but it is true…) of taking care of her grew quickly to love. I had to learn to understand her personality and temperament and different quirks just to help figure out her needs, wants, likes, dislikes. Once I knew who she was I came to love her.

Theres’s a lot of twee sentimental nonsense talked about bonding with your unborn child. Many many women feel nothing or very little until the baby is born. Completely normal. Until then the foetus is just another part of your body and no one ever talks about bonding with, for example, your own arm or urine!!! Others feel a link early in pregnancy - also normal. Whichever camp you fall into has zero relation to how much you will love your child when it’s here or how good a mother you will be.

@Shynslk I've been worried about this, too. I'm 34 weeks and don't feel excited. I feel totally disconnected tbh - I don't want anything to go wrong but I don't really feel a connection with my baby. I've really tried to force it and it just hasn't come. I've also never had to deal with babies at all. I think I've only ever held a baby for a few minutes. I've certainly never changed a nappy. I literally can't imagine spending an hour alone with a baby, let alone 9 months of maternity leave. 🙄

I don't have any words of advice, but 100% you aren't the only one. I'd like to think I'll have a huge rush when the baby is born, but I think it's more likely to just be a lot of practice. I have to accept I will get a lot wrong in the beginning. And then the habits take over, I'll get more confident, relax a tiny bit, and then enjoy it a bit more.

One step at a time, be kind to yourself and just get through the little milestones. ❤️

Don’t worry about this! I was exactly the same with my first. Didn’t connect with the baby until she arrived, the baby was “it” right until she was born. It was like an abstract thing that was happening to me.
I had never been around babies, very small family with no babies, my mum is dead so I couldn’t even lean on her. You just get through it and learn on the way. Tiredness was my biggest concern, despite my baby waking every 2 hours for months and months I never felt exhausted - honestly there’s something in you that just makes you power through!
im due my second soon and can honestly say I haven’t even really connected with this one

Don’t put pressure on yourself. I didn’t feel this with my first and took me a couple of weeks to feel that rush of love after he was born, it didn’t come immediately after birth but it did come 💕 I was expecting that crazy rush of love the second I saw him but after a long labour that’s not how I felt and that’s ok!

Don’t worry! It’ll be fine I’m sure. I was astounded when I first picked my newborn up in the night when she cried and she stopped crying instantly simply because she was close to me. No other babies in my life had I ever been able to placate. I couldn’t believe it. It was like magic. I said to my mum, we’re just little animals who need to be close to each other. David Attenborough should do a documentary on us humans. It’s all taken care of. Trust the process. Congratulations on your baby you lucky thing! x

I was the same as PPs. The bump was just that and I could barely relate it to a baby. I had no rush of love after they were born and it took until they were smiling at me to feel anything. Weirdly I felt a massive rush of love for my grandchildren as soon as I saw them. Don’t worry OP. Your feelings are absolutely normal.

There’s a very good episode of ‘The Big Bang Theory’ about this when Raj gets Bernadette to speak to his obstetrician father back in India when she tells Raj about her feelings during pregnancy. Funny and very true.

This.

I was in labour for 40+ hours, then was sedated so I don't actually remember giving birth. I came round about 6 hours later to be handed a baby I felt nothing for whatsoever.

I didn't feel anything until ds was about three days old. Now I'd flatten anyone who tried to lay a finger on him. 😁