Pregnant with second child. Do I keep it?

[MaisieRed]

Today I found out I’m pregnant with what would be my second child, I have a DS who is two, he will be three by the time the baby comes. In my first pregnancy, I suffered incredibly badly with postpartum depression and pre-partum depression. I was almost admitted into hospital. My husband and I have always been really unsure about having another child. A big reason is if this occurred again. I was physically there for my sons first year but I wasn’t mentally there. I don’t remember any of it. We have finally just got into a routine being able to spend time together again also finally financially stable with two good jobs but both jobs which we have to rely on help from grandparents as we both work occasional weekends.
This baby was not planned. I’ve been told I cannot go onto hormonal contraception as I don’t react well to them so we have been doing natural cycles obviously something has messed up and here we are. I’ve had a couple of scares in the past year every time that I would end up having my period I would feel sad almost like I do you want another child but now all I feel is dread but I am also conflicted because I’ve always liked the idea of my son having someone to grow up with and I like the excitement of all the things that comes with pregnancies. I had a really complicated pregnancy and birth which was very traumatic so I am also very scared of that happening again. we just really can’t decide what to do. Logic says abortion heart says keep it .

I don’t think anyone on MN can answer that question for you. It’s a very difficult, and personal, decision for you

This is a really personal decision.

one thing to keep in mind is that knowing you had problems in the past means that you could be prepared this time around. If you decide to proceed, speak to your care provider and ask to get mental health support in place now.

If you decide not to proceed, please look into adding a barrier method of birth control. Even if you can’t use latex or even the common non-latex options, there are choices available that are good at preventing pregnancy, especially when combined with charting. My husband and I used lambskin because of my allergies until we were ready for him to have a vasectomy, expensive, but effective.

Hi I'm 20 weeks with my second and I had severe pnd and psychosis with my daughter and spent 10 weeks in a mother and baby unit.
It took until my daughter was 3 to feel ready to try again and into took 8 months to change my medication on to ones safe to conceive on during which time I had some counselling with my HV including a session with my partner present too. I'm bipolar a had a 50% chance of the episode that happened happening and the same again this time.
I had lots of support in place last time but circumstances meant it wasn't enough - Pandemic + no parental support as both families had extremely vulnerable members to protect plus a screaming baby with silent reflux and food allergies. We came to the conclusion that even if I experienced the same episode we were different and hopefully that will improve things.
I can relate to your post I very much feel like I had a newborn and then a 15 month old and the gap in the middle is gone. I had bonding therapy during the first 2 years and that was brilliant.

I'm getting referred to the perinatal mental health team again, I have an appointment in a couple of weeks to discuss the plan. I've stayed on my medication like I did with my daughter. I know that the admission helped, last time it was first suggested at 10 weeks and I was 10 months pp when I accepted a bed. I know I can restart lithium and that made a big difference last time. Breastfeeding was stressful last time for various reasons primarily my daughters bottle aversion caused by allergies and reflux but I think we would get those dealt with quicker. It was 12 weeks from first approaching the GP for support to actually getting adequate treatment.

I think right now it's really important to have someone to talk to about this. Go through what happened last time. What you learnt about yourself, your mental health and the treatments that helped, what support can be put in place to give you support this time around.

There are mental health midwives that I can access if I need, so far I've been ok so just seeing the community midwife but it's reassuring to know that's an option. I've moved areas since having my daughter and I believe where I now am the perinatal team can be involved until 2 years, it was only 1 year with my daughter but the therapy through the infant parenting service lasted until she was 2 and could have continued until 4 or 5.