Husband not letting me open the window at night.

[ElGraham]

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and with the hot weather we are having at the minute I'm desperate to open the windows at night to cool down whilst in bed. My husband hates this, he said the bird noises wake him up and he can't get back to sleep. I just want a little bit of comfort during the pregnancy!

I'm waking up every night at around 4am sweating - its not yet totally unbearable heat but I know it soon will be in the summer. I tried the below to help:

1. He suggested a portable aircon, when I said that would be even louder he said he could handle a constant noise. Parent bought me an aircon for my birthday after I asked. After turning it on, he said it was too loud and we couldn't have it on at night.
2. I suggested ear plugs to help with the noise of the birds, he tried and said he could 'hear himself breathing' so didn't want to use that.
3. I suggested going to the spare room upstairs, he said that it was too bright and hot up there. When I suggested eye mask, he ignored the idea.
4. I suggested wearing headphones, he said he cant roll over onto his side when he wears them.

I am really at a loss here! I can't go into the spare room because its far too hot for me up there and the aircon hose doesn't reach the window - also the cat has his litter tray in there which I need to be away from.

He's really nice about it in the day time, says he can cope with it and we can have the windows open. At night he turns into this monster, he guilt trips me to make sure I close the windows. If I do open then, he gets up and closes them 15 minutes later which means neither of us sleep. If I want to try and talk to him about his he tells me to 'shush' its really making me dread night time and I feel like its only going to get hotter... I end up not sleeping if the windows are open now because I worry about how uncomfortable he is.

Simple. He sleeps in a different room to you.

I would actually leave him in this scenario. How dare he? He has multiple other options. I’m sorry but I see this being a really big ⛔️ for how it will be in the future when he has you at home on maternity leave. He’s telling you loudly that HIS comfort is way more important than yours.

when I was 14 weeks pregnant my DH would get out of bed to go get me gaviscon at 2am. He would have done anything for me.

It sounds like your husband is being a little unreasonable. You've literally given him a number of different options and he's rejected every single one. Why does he need to hear himself breath?? Surely he is aware he is breathing. I'd push the ear plugs as a compromise. I sleep with them every night, no issues.

A fan?

When I was pregnant my partner would set his alarm under his pillow to get up in the middle of the night to scan my glucose monitor because I was terrified it wouldn’t waken me. That’s a partner.

He won’t take one of your many options to ensure you’re comfort?

Inform him before bed tonight that the window is being open and he can choose whichever other option he wishes.

If he cannot compromise you will have trouble ahead.

How is he going to cope with the disruption of a baby if he can't cope with an open windows?

Get blackout blinds and an aircon/fan for room upstairs. (Or living room or another space.) He is being an arse. His challenges may be real but so are yours and you need to problem solve together. DH and I sleep apart.

Why do his needs trump his pregnant wife's?

Do you know what is really strange here - I could wake him up and ask him to make me tea, get food, drive to the shops in the middle of the night and he would do without question and happily! He is so so attentive during the day as well. For some reason he just isn't budging on this. I've even gone down the road of talking about how bad it is for the baby to be too hot etc etc and still during the night, he turns into this monster about the window! He just wont listen to reason!

Divorce!

Mostly joking but my god that would piss me off. you could try a snoozeband which is sleeping headphones, or he can sleep in the spare room.

What an arse!

Tell him that he is an incredibly selfish arse. You are putting your body through extreme stresses and processes to create a baby and he can't handle having the window open! You have a large internal water bottle. You have hormones running rampant, helping to build that baby and prepare your body. You are giving up comfort, certain foods, drinks, activities. Your body is going to irreversibly changed, you are literally risking your life (this is always down played but until you have the baby you don't know what danger is ahead) and then the whole giving birth thing is not a walk in the park. He needs to have a long hard look at himself. If this is what he is saying about your comfort now, what's he going to be like when the baby is here? Do you think he's going to get up in the night when you are dead on your feet but he's tired? Push back and push back hard. You are way more important in this case and set a precedent now before it gets really hard.

I bought an tower fan while I was pregnant. That thing was on 24/7. Could you just use get a fan?

What are his plans when you place a baby next to your bed who will roar the house down every 2 hours. From my experience they don’t seem to care that people are trying to sleep.

Really weird behaviour for him not to even try some of these things.
My partner sleeps in airpods due to my pregnancy snoring (!) no issues.

I'd just open the window and tell him to get used to it. If your baby is anything like mine he'll be woken up every hour by screaming and he'll wonder why he ever complained about the sound of birds.

Alternatively, you can buy really quiet fans. I bought a Meaco one from Argos and it's almost silent and very effective.

He’d be on the sofa, if he can’t bear birds how is he going to deal with a baby waking him up all night
with the most respect he needs to fucking grow up

This op!!

My husband also sometimes prefers the window shut as he gets really bad hayfever and I’ve never found fans to be effective. My suggestions would be:

• Run the air conditioner for a few hours before bed to reduce the temperature in the room then turn it off and close the window before you sleep
• Husband sleeps in the spare room with the cat litter
• Buy a longer hose for the air conditioner and blackout film for the window then husband moves the cat litter so you can use the aircon in the spare room
• Husband gets some headphones in a stretchy headband designed for people to wear while sleeping on their side

Get him a snoozeband - headphones designed for sleeping in. Can be pulled over eyes for mask too.

Then open the window.

He's an arse btw but this solves the issue.

www.snoozeband.co.uk/

I’m sorry OP but you absolutely 100% need to insist on this one and it’s not a big ask. The window stays open, if that’s what you need.

You: DH, I will be having the window open at night, when I need to, from now on. Being pregnant is making me hot and uncomfortable, and the fresh air helps. I’m happy for you to invest in some really good earphones, or if you sometimes need to sleep in the spare room, I will totally understand. I love you but this is a non negotiable for me right now and I’m not prepared to discuss it again.

If he doesn’t back down, call his bluff and move out for a few days until he sees sense.

I know that sounds ridiculously extreme but having been through pregnancy and the menopause, I know exactly how important it is to open a bloody window, and how men simply cannot understand how drastically women’s bodies change. Sometimes, they just need telling unfortunately.

Your husband is going to LOVE the sound of his baby crying intermittently all night every night for months.

Sit this man down and tell him it's time to grow up.

@Nicecuppatea2025

There's not understanding and there's not caring.

How could someone hear a simple request and simply fold his arms and deny it? Then refuse to allow a simple solution to the issue on grounds that it also interfered with his sleep?

He prioritises his comfort over hers. It's a profoundly selfish attitude. It's also a profoundly entitled attitude, a huge F* You lobbed in her direction.

I do not think the relationship will fare well as the OP's pregnancy advances. Extreme entitlement, selfishness, and rigidity, as demonstrated by this man are all big red flags - he's not ready to be a true partner to the OP, and she will find him impossible to deal with once the baby us born.

This needs to be tackled.

Don't give him the benefit of the doubt. He doesn't get to dictate to you on this. Your comfort comes first.

Sleep is going to turn into a massive, humongous issue as your pregnancy advances and especially when the baby arrives.

You do not need a selfish man in your life when you are dead on your feet two weeks post partum. You will not have the patience or the feelings of good will that you have now when you haven't slept more than 90 minutes at a stretch for weeks. You will be feeling actually murderous toward him if this selfishness continues.

And you will never forget selfishness and dickish behaviour by a husband in the first months of parenthood. NEVER. It is no coincidence that the arrival of a baby so often signals the beginning of the end of a relationship. It happens because women feel profoundly let down, disappointed, unsupported, or even attacked by their so-called partners in this period.

Stop explaining and demand compromise. Demand he puts your comfort first. It is not an unreasonable ask. Don't let him argue you're asking too much.

He's only being considerate to you when it suits him, when it's convenient for him, and when he feels like it. It's all on his terms.

He’s a twat. Meanwhile, I highly recommend the Shark Flexbreeze it’s amazzzzzing and very quiet