Mum friends

[Teenybub]

Everyone I know that already has children are a few years ahead of me. I would like someone that is at a similar point, I’m not confident I can afford classes and I’m quite shy in big groups. I’ve seen the peanut app, has anyone had any luck with it? Are there any other ways you would advise to meet other mums? I’m still in my second trimester so no baby yet.

I Moved areas when I was very pregnant so didn’t know anyone. I made friends through NCT and then doing baby groups. I found the cheaper church hall/ children’s centre/ library groups the best for making friends.

when you go to baby groups it may feel like EVERYONE knows each other and have done for years, that’s rarely the case in my opinion and it takes a couple of weeks to get to know people.

There are free library groups for under 5s, would it be acceptable for me to take a baby to that? I assumed they would be for nearer 5s than new babies.

I took mine to our library group from birth. Personally I’d go and browse the library when the group is due to start or finish in the next few weeks and you’ll be able to see if there are babies there.

You can take your baby to the under 5s group at the library but you’ll likely be surrounded by toddlers and toddler mums. I have a very good friend I met while pregnant through the Peanut app. Our three year olds are now very close and we see each other a couple of times a month. It’s a good place to start, you just have to be open to messaging people and putting yourself out there. I found lots of women were looking for friendships with others at the same stage, it’s a nice space to be in. I couldn’t afford to do NCT, but my friends who did that are still close with the mums they met there. I suppose if you factor life long friendship into the cost, it’s quite reasonable.

Look for local groups like toddler groups that are run by either churches or local councils. They tend to be smaller groups and more affordable too (if not free). Book bug sessions also, they limit how many kids can go and usually have a baby group. If your town has a Facebook page look in there to see if others are in the same position and what’s available xx

I know people that met a mum group for maternity leave on peanut, but admittedly they have stayed friends once mat leave ended.
Could you do NCT? It might be too late and it's not cheap but everyone I know met a good group during mat leave from NCT and some have made lifelong friends!
I joined a few baby groups, a mix of baby focused ones and mum exercise classes and have made a good friend through those. Also look for any local facebook groups for new mums and post on there
Do not be afraid to reach out in a baby classes and speak to people, everyone is in the same boat.

Yes to peanut! Lots of scrolling and met a handful of amazing mums during pregnancy, was very nice to travel the journey together and now our kids are best friends

does your library do bookbug classes? Or something similar. The ones near me have it on a few times a week and each library have a wee play group after it too. Definitely okay to bring a baby ☺️
church halls/ community centres normally have baby and me groups for a few pounds a session as well. Doesn’t need to cost a fortune.

Ah those were the days! I met my ‘best’ mum friend at a Hartbeeps type class. We got chatting a bit sat next to each other and I asked for her number. Not something I’d usually do being quite an awkward person generally! I know other mums who’ve made good friends via Peanut so it’s definitely worth a go. Just strike up a conversation with someone and you’ll know soonish if it’s someone you can vibe with. Good luck!

I did NCT and, over 3 years later, we still see each other every week. The kids get on great and having local mum friends has saved my sanity. It was by far the best thing I did (the content of the course itself was useless though).

Local playgroups, classes, and library groups are the best places in my opinion. It tends to be the same people over a period of time, which leads to friendships without the pressure of exchanging numbers with someone you've just met.

Don't write them off as cliquey after a couple of visits though. I've heard people do this so often without considering that person A has an older child in the same class as B and C, person D went to school with person E, three mums already knew each other from another group, and lots of the other mums have been going for ages and have slowly built a friendship over time.

I think that if you manage your expectations and are friendly, it's almost impossible not to end up with mum friends at these groups.

NCT antenatal courses are so good for meeting your first set of Mum friends and from there you find people to go to baby groups with and they are so much easier at the beginning if you go with someone which gives you confidence to get to know other people in the new baby groups. If cost is an issue they do offer income related discounts.

i couldn’t have been without my NCT group in those early days and my parents who are 80 and 85 still meet with quite a few of their NCT group now!

I did nct (17 years ago!) and everyone was so much better off than me, that we couldn't keep up with the meals out and weekends away. Once, embarrassingly, we went to a birthday party , where the present we gave was a sticker book, and the going home present was a sticker book from the same series and a box of Malteasers...

I met my friends for life, comrades in arms, at church hall mums groups (I've never actually been to church), children's centre groups, local pool swimming classes, village halls... I couldn't afford the branded singing, swimming etc lessons, but there was so much going on anyway. Our babies are taking their GCSEs now.

Granted, this was 16 years ago and we no longer have a children's centre, but I still see so much stuff advertised. I live in an old pit village in W Yorks...8 miles from the nearest town... Unless you live very remotely, I'm sure you'll find stuff going on once you start looking.

The whole point of NCT classes is making friends at the same stage in your area. Unfortunately in mine, we all hated each other and drifted out of contact pretty much as soon as all the babies were born, but other people do make lifelong friends at it.

I have made some really nice friends through Peanut. I'd recommend joining the Peanut group allocated to your area too as there will be lots of arrangements for group meet ups too. And some babies will end up going to the same nursery.
I did also join an exercise with baby class which was really good. But the week I was off, all the girls seemed to create a WhatsApp group and I felt a bit excluded. When some left after a term I found it was easier. Also went to Rhymetime from about 8 weeks old. I did chat to some people with that, but it was more about getting out the house at that point.
Good luck!

I would really recommend doing an NCT or similar class. I have 5 'mum friends' and 4 I made through NCT. It's just easier because you have longer to get to know people, babies are due at a very similar time and at some point they bung you all in a WhatsApp group together so picking up new conversations or suggesting meet ups is easy.
One I made through the Peanut app, and was lucky to find someone I liked but it was a real investment of time as its basically mum-dating and you need to set up a meet-up then might not click. I'm now on the peanut app again for baby no.2 but they've made some stupid paywall thing which is going to make things even harder work.
I found baby classes OK for chats but never made a move to then take anyone's details or meet up individually, it was more just people you could say hi to week on week.

In my area there's a Facebook page for women on our area. There's a section for mums to be, mums etc so could be worth having a look if you have one? And if not could you set one up

There was an nhs ante and post natal class near me - is that an option? There were no health visitors, you had to take your child to the clinic and they ran them there. Me and three other mums continued meeting after the class was over until our eldest started reception (three different schools and returning to work which made meeting up harder).

Thank you for all of the advice everyone

I found the mother and baby group (paid for) I went to quite cliquey. They were pleasant enough but my face didn’t quite fit for some reason- I’m quiet, didn’t go to the same church or live in the same area as some of them. But also they went to the antenatal class part of that particular group and then to baby massage all together whereas I didn’t join till a bit later which I think put me at a disadvantage. If you want to join a group like that it’s best to try to join early in the process. There were babies at the bookbug group at the library I went to, I think ours did a baby one and then one for 2-5’s but you can check with the library. Local Facebook groups can be good for information on what’s going on your local community eg playgroups or similar.
My sister made a lifelong friend in the ward when they were actually having their babies so you can swap contact details with anyone you click with in hospital!

I made friends through the postnatal group and also the wonderful local church baby and toddler group.

Going for drinks and food tonight with a Mum friend I met on Peanut! We started out meeting with our babies and now we're back at work we ditched the babies and coffee and go for wine instead 🤣 I did meet a few other people I didn't click with - it's very much like dating!! I would recommend it though x

Do nhs and nct ante natal classes. Hopefully you’ll meet a good friend or two to go into baby groups with and meet more people.

I've used Peanut. This was a few years ago, just after lockdown when I think it was more active (and completely free!).

I made three great friends from it - I'd say these are my closest mum friends. More so than those I met at baby groups. Meeting people at baby groups is great but you've kind of got who you've got to choose from if you know what I mean? These women and I both found each others profiles appealing, we have a lot in common, live nearby each other. We talked via the app in pregnancy so already had the basis of a friendship established.

Check out your local family centre/church/library for free or cheap groups/activities. You'll have to put yourself out there. Look for playgroups with small numbers or ones you need to go to every week to keep your place. I went to a great one with just 12 families allowed, it was only £1 a week and if you didn't go for three weeks with no explanation then your place was offered to the next on the waiting list. This meant you had the same mums turn up regularly and it was too small a group to exclude anyone.

I would also recommend joining some local Facebook groups - great resource for finding what's on in the area and often see posts by women wanting to make friends. My local one is call 'TOWN Mums Chat'

Baby sensory type classes can be very expensive and I personally found it hard to chat to other mums during them. Churches and family hubs offer low cost/free groups. There is also an organisation called Blaze Trails that offers free walks for parents and babies all across the country. I find it much easier to chat to other mums while we're out walking with our babies (hopefully!) fast asleep while we walk.