Still can't believe this will end well

[PlateSpinner23]

I had a MMC in summer 2023, and am now finally pregnant again (having started metformin for PCOS in January). My last pregnancy stopped growing at 6.5 weeks, mmc was discovered at 8.5 weeks, and I finally miscarried it at 10.5-11 weeks.

I'm now really struggling to believe that this pregnancy can end well. I'm 7.5 weeks, feeling largely OK - slightly sore boobs, occasional faint nausea, a bit of burping - but riddled with anxiety that my 12 week scan will show another mmc or just nothing at all, which I know is irrational. I'm dreaming every night about losing this baby, which is horrible to wake up to.

I'm also super cautious about getting a private scan, because that was how we found out about the mmc last time, and it was handled incredibly badly by the sonographer and other staff.

I have my booking in appointment next Friday, but please, can anyone help me calm these intrusive thoughts or offer any reassurance? 😭

TIA xxxx

Kindly, the anxiety and stress can cause you to miscarry. So try enjoy your pregnancy, you don't want to get to the point of giving birth to a beautiful baby and every second of your pregnancy be plagued by anxiety.

I’d disagree with the above poster. It would have to be some bloody off the scale stress to miscarry so don’t go off down that road of worry

it’s natural to feel anxious after all that’s been before. Totally normal. So you’re going to have to break this down into chunks and milestones. There is literally nothing you can achieve with worry. So for now, focus on next week when you have your appointment. And know that as the weeks pass (and they will … have faith!) you will grow more confident

@PlateSpinner23please ignore above. Anxiety does not cause a miscarriage! Completely disregard that.

I had two mmcs before my daughter was born (she's now 4 months old) and of course I was ridiculously anxious with her pregnancy. I also couldn't bring myself to believe I'd have a healthy baby at the end but I did.

MMC are doubly cruel as they come completely left field, but remember the stats are on your side and you're far more likely to have a positive outcome.

Don't be afraid to seek mental health support if needed. Wishing you all the best x

It's perfectly understandable that you would be anxious.
Take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself.
I have everything crossed for you!

Jesus that’s a terrible thing to write to someone who’s had a previous miscarriage!!

@RichWithNoSelfControl sorry, but that's not true and I feel not helpful.

My advice is to just take it one day at a time and try and distract yourself as much as you can. I took up cross stitch to keep my mind distracted. It helped. There are never any guarantees, but just try to hold onto the fact that the odds of it working out are higher than it not working out.

I do empathise. I've been in your shoes and I know it's hard to believe it can work out. But it can. and it does. Even after multiple losses, I got my happy ending. I truly didn't believe it until I held my baby in my arms. And I can tell you I was an anxious mess the whole time and it did no harm to my baby. In fact they came out chilled and unbothered like 'what were you worried about!?' 😂. Good luck, I'll keep everything crossed for you!

Kindly, the anxiety and stress can cause you to miscarry

🤔 No, it absolutely can't, and that's a fucked-up thing to say. A healthy pregnancy is incredibly resilient. The vast majority of miscarriages happen because the embryo was never genetically viable, because either the egg or sperm had damage. They were never preventable.

Please completely ignore the first poster regarding the stress.

It’s completely understandable. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and I’ve been the same. Very nervous. I’ve had one MMC (similar to you I found out at an early scan but the miscarriage didn’t come until 11 weeks) and also one successful pregnancy. I thought I’d be more relaxed this time having had a successful pregnancy but I’ve been just as nervous.
What helps is taking each day as it comes. Thinking each day “today everything is okay”. My symptoms have fluctuated which doesn’t help the anxiety but is also normal. There is a much higher chance everything will be okay with this pregnancy than the alternative. Wishing you all the best with this pregnancy.

I'm on pregnancy 3 since July and finally made it out of the first trimester!
My first loss was unexpected bleeding at 10 weeks, scan at the epu two days later confirmed loss. After this loss I qualified for reassurance scans at my epu and I had scans at 7.5 and 9 weeks in their rainbow room that showed I was 10 days behind with a heart beat and then only a few extra days growth but no heartbeat so I was referred for a final scan a week later at the epu. The bleeding started the day before the scan and I passed the pregnancy the day after the scan.

I fell pregnant pretty much straight away after my second miscarriage but was going through redundancy at work so didn't want the extra stress of knowing for sure. I was made redundant but was thrilled to get a positive pregnancy test the same day. A week later I had a scan at the epu to try to date my pregnancy and was overjoyed to be already 8 weeks which was further along than I suspect either of my loss managed to get to. I was put on progesterone and I'm now 19 weeks! The first 16 weeks were quite stressful going through redundancy and the job applications and interviews. Unfortunately I didn't get any of the jobs and now this pregnancy seems to be sticking I'm facing a career break. I'm still in disbelief that this is the pregnancy that stuck compared to the other two. The other two pregnancies I had hyperemesis and this time around I've barely felt pregnant at all. The body is amazing and resilient. Miscarriages aren't rare but reoccurring miscarriages are considerably less common. I've tried to hold on to this.

Does your epu offer scans in future pregnancies after a loss? This has been a great source of comfort for me even when I heard the news it was unlikely to survive, they were compassionate and it gave me the space to process before getting the confirmation. For me in this pregnancy it's been balancing hope and anxiety. Seeing a heartbeat at 8 weeks was a comfort but the week 10 was anxious wait as that was the week I passed both pregnancies. A moment of relief after getting through that then the wait for the 12 weeks scan. The relief when she put the big screen on. Then the wait for the 16 weeks appointment and the midwife detecting the heart beat. The relief of a growing bump has got me through the last few weeks but now have the anxious wait for the anomaly scan.

Just popped back to update this thread for the record... Baby is 6 weeks old this week, and perfect. Xxx

Oh wow..
What an incredibly dangerous comment to be spouting

Congratulations 🎊