Help! Do I get the abortion?

[Unhingedmum]

hello lovely mums! Apologise for the long one!
I’m currently sat on the boat about getting an abortion. ( i understand this can be a sensitive topic )
I already have 1 child who is 14 months and currently have fallen pregnant with PCOS again sooner than expected. However financially we’re really struggling as I haven’t been able to find a job to earn an income for our family.
my head is telling me that i should get the abortion as I don’t feel it’s fair to keep struggling financially and put an extra strain on my relationship, however my heart just cannot deal with the thought of having a surgical abortion. I’ve tried to book it twice and tell myself it will be okay but I just cry so much! I’ve had my first midwife appointment and explained the situation to them and they said if I go ahead with the abortion just to let them know otherwise they will continue to book my appointments with them!

please if anyone has had one around 10 weeks or after please help me make a decision or if I’m being crazy!
thank you so much

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. I can't tell you what to do, only that I had a surgical around that time and it was perfectly fine - I just felt relieved. Are you at 10 weeks now?

What does your partner say - are they supporting you properly?

10 weeks is early so you should have options. Have you called BPAS to discuss?

Personally I sobbed in my appointment for a surgical abortion and I knew it wasn’t right for me. My gut wouldn’t let me do it

It doesn’t sound like you want to do it. You sound responsible re. finances, but you have plenty of time to earn more/things can change. If you go ahead reluctantly, you can’t change your mind after. I think you’ll be fine if you go ahead with your pregnancy. Sending hugs and best wishes whatever you decide 😊

You can always make more money. You won't get the baby back.

It sounds very much like if you went ahead with an abortion, it would haunt you. Living with that regret will be much worse than being poor for a few years!

He’s been very supporting. He completely understand both, initially he couldn’t process getting rid of it as it didn’t feel right but then he said it’s 100% down to me as he doesn’t want me to regret anything and it’s my body.
it’s very hard

Book some free counselling with Choices Charity Islington to help give you structure to your thoughts and talk through all end scenarios and the pros and cons of each. V helpful

Just to gently point out that Choices charity is a Christian charity so may not be impartial.

Very few are impartial but will lead you to believe they are!
MSI reproductive choices who are an impartial counselling service, try and give them a call.

"I don’t feel it’s fair to keep struggling financially and put an extra strain on my relationship".

So, the time for him to think that through was before he left semen in you.

So, you need to not worry about what's "fair". We're past that. Putting you in this situation wasn't fair.

It sounds like you want a baby eventually. It sounds like you're maybe sub fertile because of the PCOS? Did you struggl to get pregnant last time?

I was in a very similar situation, PCOS and 3 years infertility for first baby and a surprise 2nd pregnancy. Only it was three months and my husband was unexpectedly without a job!

Had the DC..never regretted it, but we had wanted another. If that's your situation, you should have the baby.

*that's coming from an extremely pro-choice background btw. If somehow DH's vasectomy failed I'd be straight down to the doctor tomorrow. I know I don't want anymore children.

I spoke to bpas, msi and choices charity. Bpas and msi counsellors for me were both throughly useless. I left the phone calls more confused than ever and in tears and feeling so alone.

i felt choices charity gave me a framework to answer my own questions and we went very very deep into the positive outcomes of a potential abortion. So they weren’t bias when I spoke to them, I didn’t get their opinions. They gave me some exercises to talk through out loud and I still didn’t have answers after my first counselling and went back 3 times.

Tbh just because someone is Christian doesn’t mean they are pro life. My minister was very understanding when I talked through my reasons for a potential abortion and she didn’t try to convince me at all not to go ahead. In fact she said sometimes it’s the right choice for us

It sounds like you want the child so hopefully you can find a way to keep it

Have your run your situation through a benefits calculator as your family might get some universal credit? You've got most of the baby gear anyway I don't think you'll need to buy too much for the second one just consumables and you'll get extra child benefit and maybe some universal credit towards that

I would recommend the counseling offered by Marie stopes

If you don't want to do it, don't. It could haunt you for the rest of your life.

I presume you were trying with you mentioning it was sooner than expected. If so, it sounds at some point like you thought you could make it work?