How to control my announcement

[MyJoyousBird]

I really don't want to announce my pregnancy. I don't know why I just don't want to. It feels personal!
I work for a really small business in an industry where everyone knows each other and my boss let me know they will need to put out an advert for my job on mat leave and it will be very very obvious that it is me. All my friends follow the company I work for and my boss on social media so will see the advert. There is then everyone I know in my industry that will then know about this and I really don't want that but feel I kind of have no choice.
I really really don't want to do a facebook announcement (my husband would like to though)
Has anyone done an announcement because it was going to become public knowledge and it was actually a better thing to do?
I don't know why I feel so anxious about it! The thought of people messaging me when they see the job advert is making me feel sick. Not sure why!

How far on are you?

Do your parents not know?

You don't need to make a big announcement, but people are inevitably going to become aware of it. You can't hide it when the baby is born or when you get a lot bigger. It's just not really an option. And obviously your employer does have to recruit for your maternity cover, there is no way around that.

Why do you think it makes you so uncomfortable? Have you thought about maybe a few counselling sessions to work through some of this?

I can totally understand not wanting to do a big social media announcement, but being so anxious about anybody ever finding out is unusual. It sounds like there is more going on that might be worth talking through before the baby comes.

How far along are you OP?

Like you, I have no intention of doing an "announcement". It's not me, plus I'm nervous after past losses. I finally told my parents about a week ago, and HR because I'm not far off the legal deadline. Other people will find out as and when (I look pretty fat right now) but it won't be a big deal.

I'd say to tell the people you want to be the one to tell, family and friends etc. If telling others doesn't matter so much, they probably won't see it as a big deal anyway if you're not close. They may join the dots when they see the advert, but could also not

Yes this would be the obvious solution. Would your boss agree to this if you relayed your worries to them?

Then just tell people as and when you want to.

I am 14 weeks. I will be telling my parents soon.
I know no one really gives two hoots about people being pregnant but that’s one of my reasons I want to keep it private. But I thought maybe my friends would be annoyed at finding out through a job advert?

My reasons for keeping quiet because of everyone putting in their two pence about it and I don’t want to hear it. When I got married I had everyone’s advice which was fine then other people who were entitled and told me how I should and shouldn’t do things.

I think it’s more I like to live a quiet peaceful life and as little intrusion on my life for the better! I have a very social job and it comes with a lot of ‘friends’ and I just don’t really want them knowing about my home/family life as I like to keep the two things separate.

I will try my boss again and see if they will do temporary but it was shot down very quickly when I suggested it 😩

I hated telling anyone so people finding out by stealth by seeing an advert for my maternity cover would be perfect for me. Saves you needing to tell loads of people which is what you want isn't it?

You seem a bit weird

It’s not weird and she doesn’t need counselling!!! Some people are just more private, and that’s fine. Not everyone has ‘main character energy’ (and thank goodness for that!).

Why have you told your boss so soon?

But whatever he knows now, if your friends guess, they guess nothing you can do about it.

Ask your boss to wait until after your 20 week scan. Then you might feel better about letting people know.

I wouldn't think anything of seeing a mat leave advert for a friend that hadn't told me they were expecting.
People probably won't give it too much thought and might not even realise that you are the one and only person that could take mat leave. I might think I didn't realise there was another woman at Xs work.

People really do err on the side of saying nothing when it comes to pregnancy. I had a pregnancy in July that ended in miscarriage. I had time off sick with hyperemesis and someone asked me to do something and I had to reply with I would if I could but was struggling with pregnancy sickness and might not be in that meeting. I didn't see this colleague in the weeks after my return and never formally told him I lost my pregnancy but he joined the dots when I didn't start showing and was no different to normal with me.

I went on to have another pregnancy and had 4 weeks off sick and 8 weeks out of the office my colleagues knew about my earlier pregnancy and sickness so thought it would be blatantly obvious that I was pregnant again but it was barely noticed that I was missing except by the one colleague asked to cover my project and they were surprised that I had another pregnancy

I have always told work and select colleagues earlier than friends and family. I was 17 weeks before telling my parents both times I made it out of the first trimester. I found it easier to speak to people less invested than those close to me and left me be whilst still offering an explanation why there might be certain aspects of my job I couldn't do any more. I told most people when it was relevant to the conversation

Appreciate you!! I don’t open up to a lot of people only those closest to me and pregnancy to me is just a personal thing I want in my safe space! If my friends want to do the whole big announcement, baby showers and gender reveal I am all for it and 100% in but it’s not for me. I showed up and put in so much effort at baby showers for years and years all while I was struggling but it’s just not me.

I only told my boss so soon as it was going to be very obvious I wouldn’t be able to take part in something and we are very close. It wasn’t the sort of thing I could go ‘oh I am on antibiotics’ 😂

I will try and talk to them again if work can hold off or at least till the 20 weeks and maybe you are right I might feel better!

I get it OP, I felt really weird about telling people too, including my family (for reasons I won’t bore anyone with). I’m also quite private and don’t like questions about my personal life. In the event it was fine.

I told my parents and they told other family members as and when they saw them. I had a few congratulations messages but nothing more. Same with friends, I told a few of the closest and word naturally got about. We never did any big announcement. There were one or two pictures of me on Instagram when I was pregnant but not referencing it. After he was born I took a gorgeous photo of DH cuddling him in the hospital so I just shared that, which served as announcement enough.

If the work ad really bothers you they might post it as temporary cover instead of mat cover as a PP suggests?