As the title suggests, I’m keen to hear from any ladies who have had their tubes ‘untied’, particularly the original method of sterilisation, the cost, and if it was NHS funded, the process in doing so.
I was sterilised when I was only 22. For some context I think is important to understand why I was sterilised.. I was 17 when I got my first ever boyfriend. He was 5 years older, and in a nutshell, the relationship quickly turned abusive. And by that, I mean he made my life a living hell. Young, dumb, naive, and with no family of my own, I did not know any better. I was routinely raped and essentially forced to carry 3 pregnancies as he did not believe in abortion. I remember sneaking away to my GP when pregnant with my third child to ask for an abortion, and my GP outright asked me if this pregnancy was another man’s, told me I would ‘regret it’, and shoved a piece of paper with a number I needed to ring into my hands. In hindsight, the GP never knew my situation, as I had not told him. But the way he made me feel…
I basically wanted to die by that point. I remember standing, heavily pregnant, at the top of the stairs every night and fantasying about throwing myself down them. I don’t think anybody will ever understand the dark place my mind was in during those times. I had no control over my life, not even my body.
I asked the consultant at a 30 week check up if I could be sterilised. It was agreed at that one meeting. Nobody ever asked me why. Honestly, I don’t think anybody really cared. I felt like a piece of meat throughout all my pregnancies. Then the day of my C-section came, they got me to sign some paperwork and that was that.
A year later, I finally found the courage to leave him.
Fast forward a decade, and here I am. Thankfully, there has been a light at the end of the tunnel for me and my children. We have made a good life although it has been hard. But one thing I deeply regret? Well, I didn’t make this post for no reason…
I mustered up the courage and went to see my GP today. I’ve made this appointment a few times and cancelled it, because I can’t bring myself to talk about my past without having a break down. I did break down, but it felt really good to let it all out, and my GP was great.
My GP is going to refer me for reverse sterilisation.
To be frank, I’m not certain I even want another baby. I am blessed to have my three already and I don’t take a second of it for granted. I’ve worked my backside off for 10 years and have forged a career I love, but … I want to have the choice. I just feel this constant regret that follows and haunts me. I also feel like my ex still has dominion over me and my body, and it makes me absolutely sick.
I have been to therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD. But, still. I have this thought in my mind that a pregnancy with another man - a good man, would fulfil me. Having a baby shower, not being screamed at and abused daily, caring for a newborn and not finding out he cheated on me whilst I was 9 months pregnant! Etc all the things I missed out on.
I know I sound like I need intense therapy rather than another baby, and trust me, I’m working on it… but this is how I feel. And today is the first day in 10 years I have spoken on it, and it feels good! But I would like to hear from any ladies who have had a reversal, the process, if it worked..
Thank you.