Disappointment with 3D scan + pregnancy

[AraArabella]

Hi,

This will be my first and only child (I am just over 34 weeks). This baby is very much wanted since the beginning.

I have been struggling with bonding with my pregnancy and baby. Except for my body getting bigger, I don't feel anything. No heightened sense of smell, cravings, morning sickness etc. I was hoping to feel what other mums feel with their pregnancy.

Whenever I have a scan, you can see the baby moving/kicking and the midwives always ask if I feel the kicks, but I don't. I see it on the screen, but I don't feel them.

Nothing I do gets a reaction from the baby.

I read something about a woman who felt the same way I do, but when she had a 3D she felt more of a bond because she got a clearer picture of her baby and felt more of a connection. She said the experience made it feel more real for her.

I booked for a private scan (I have used this place before and have had good experience with them), but I had to wait for the next available appointment. This place is the closest to me and other places are too far out of my comfort area. The receptionist said it would be alright to have the scan at that point.

The next one was the other day and I was just a few days into my 34th week. Unfortunately, they were not able to do the 3D scan. They said it was because of position the baby was in and how big they were and how the amniotic fluid levels had decreased. I didn't know it would be a problem to do one at this stage as no one said it couldn't be done previously.

I was sad about this.

They checked everything else and said the baby is hitting the right marks, which is good news. They printed some black and white scan photos, but they are not as clear.

I don't know how to get over this disappointment. I was hoping by seeing a 3D scan of my baby, I would feel more of a bond with them as I feel like crap because I don't. I think another part of me is worried that I won't feel anything when they are born. I still haven't thought of a name for them. I have been trying since finding out I was pregnant to think of names. I feel like I'm running out of time to get everything sorted and what happened with the scan isn't helping.

I have tried talking to some friends and family about how I am feeling and they turn around and say how they didn't struggle with bonding with their unborn baby and how they had everything prepared beforehand he/she arrived. I feel worse when I ask them.

So far, nothing has gone to plan. I know with pregnancy that things always change, but it feels like one thing after another.

Any advice would be appreciated

It’s completely normal OP.

You haven’t met your baby yet! I felt exactly the same way you do and my bond with my children couldn’t be stronger. It’ll come, I promise, but if you really are worried and feeling low a chat with your midwife won’t hurt x

i would say pregnancy is a time of cusping on huge change, and many people have many different types of journeys that no two pregnancies are the same - even for
those who go on to have further. I think you need to ask yourself what you feel you are missing out on, but also why you believe that is something to miss out on. I did not enjoy being pregnant, especially the third trimester. I had no bond with my baby except in the sense that I knew a baby was coming and I was excited to soon actually have a baby.

have you tried any birthing classes? Or parenting classes?

What about finding out the sex? That might help. Try not to worry though, how you’re gelling now doesn’t mean you won’t bond once baby is born.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling this way :( I’m on my first pregnancy but I get the feeling it’s something you can’t force. I have a moment every day when I forget I’m pregnant, and I’m struggling to connect what’s happening in my body to the fact that there will be an actual baby in a few months. It’s such a weird experience isn’t it.

Only thing I can think of is to spend some time focusing on you, enjoying the last few child free weeks you have. What kinds of things do you enjoy, or help you relax? Could just be a trip to a cafe with a friend, a walk, getting your nails done.

I hope you feel better about it, if not, there’s always people here to chat :)

I'm at the same point as you - 34 weeks - and similarly wouldn't say I feel "bonded" with the baby as such. A much wanted pregnancy too though, conceived through IVF. In my case I've almost avoided trying to be too attached in case things didn't go to plan - almost a self-preservation thing. Perhaps your subconscious is doing something similar? However, if I ever think about something going wrong, I feel upset at the prospect, so I know deep down I'm excited about this baby and becoming a mum, even if I don't feel like a "mum" yet. Best of luck - you'll be fine, and don't compare yourself to others.

Firstly I wouldn't worry too much about bonding with the baby before he or she is born. After the birth you will be spending almost every hour of every day getting to know your baby!

And your baby already is bonded with you. They hear your heartbeat, your voice, know your gait and (somehow!) Your smell.

Some people talk of an incredible rush of love when they meet their baby. DP and I were just discussing recently how we didn't feel that to start with so much as an intense feeling of belonging and responsibility and wonder. The incredible rush of love has built and built over months.

I didn't have everything ready either, due to anxiety following MCs. Are you struggling to prepare practical things like buying clothes and somewhere for baby to sleep?

Agree that antenatal classes are a good idea and you will meet other expectant mums.

Lastly, have you had a midwife appointment recently? It is worth contacting them to tell them about reduced amniotic fluid on the scan as its something that is monitored along with baby heartbeat and growth.

I didn't feel any particular bonding like that in pregnancy and it didn't affect how I felt once the babies had actually arrived at all.

I wasn't interested in my pregnancy in that way. It was easy, no problems at all and perfectly enjoyable but it was just a process to go through before the real stiff started for me. I had no interest in images from scans. The scans were medical processes to check for any issues and I was quite happy to leave them as that.

Don't worry, you sound totally normal and I'm sure you'll have a wonderful bond with your baby when he or she arrives.