Found out i'm pregnant 4 days ago and just lost my Dad

[Lulusunflowers]

Really struggling with the loss of my Dad. It's been a very traumatic 2 days, spending all day and night at my Dad's side.
I only found out i'm pregnant on Friday and so worried all the stress and grief is going to affect the pregnancy. I miscarried in Dec last year so have extreame anxiety it will happen again already.
Just feeling awful and stressed and just miss my wonderful dad

That's so hard, I wish I could give you a hug.

Miscarriages are mostly caused by genetic issues, stress won't affect the baby or cause a miscarriage.

Grieve your dad. Take some time off work. Of course you are stressed and upset.

Hopefully this baby will be a source of joy and will give you something positive to focus on in the future. Can you pay for an early scan around 8-9 weeks to alleviate some of the stress?

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad when 5 months pg and went through a big shock as I was the one to find him (very unexpected). Had similar worries to you about the possible effect on pg as I felt as though had been punched in the stomach. Easier said than done but try not to worry as stress (much like even severe morning sickness) can’t harm a foetus.

My first pregnancy ended as a mc too so understand the extra anxiety. It’s very early days so try not to think about being pg too much yet, let yourself grieve your dad and hopefully as each week passes the chances of it all going well will increase.

Sending hugs and strength.

Just wanted to send a massive virtual hug. I am so very sorry for your loss. It is so, so hard dealing with the death of a parent, never mind at a time like this.

In practical terms, it might be worth seeing if you can speak to your local midwifery team / GP to see if they can fast track your booking appointment and get you in with perinatal mental health asap, so you have access to support while you navigate this incredibly difficult time. Just do what you can to remove any unnecessary day-to-day pressures and lean on whatever support network you have available to you as much as you can.

For what it's worth, I have just turned 39w pregnant and my mum has been terminally ill with pancreatic cancer for the duration of my pregnancy. Devastatingly, despite being told we were looking at 1-2 years in September, she is now end stage and in her final days/hours. I am currently at my family home helping to provide round the clock care and could go into labour any day now, so I really do understand how immensely difficult it is.

Trust that, in time, you will get through this and that you are far stronger than you feel right now. In the meantime, sending love your way ❤️ xx

I'm sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

I found out I was pregnant in Feb after going through a 3 week redundancy consultation period and then being made redundant. I suspected I was pregnant during the consultation period but didn't want to know. I had had two miscarriages in the previous 6 months and wasn't optimistic that this one would be any different. I had a scan at the epu a week after I found out and discovered I was already 8 weeks! I'm now 16 weeks and so far all looks good.

Stress isn't great in pregnancy but it's also many women every week have successful pregnancies despite stressful periods. They did some studies on women pregnant who were in the twin towers on 9/11 and it was only those who were in their 3rd trimester where there was any different to baseline where some babies were born with higher cortisol levels. If you think about it evolutionary if an animal was giving birth in a stressful situation they would want their offspring to be born more aware of danger.

Give yourself time, talk to people about your grief and fears about pregnancy but don't let your fears add to your stress. All the best through the next few weeks and months