I have just discovered I am Pregnant at the age of soon to be 43, Help!

[GZona]

Hi, I know none of you can tell me what to do with this but just wanted to share my situation and see if anyone is in a similar situation as me and what decision have they made or perhaps if they can advise of anything else I haven’t thought of.

i am currently 42 and will turn 43 in August and already have a 6 year old boy and two girls aged 5 & 4. My 4 year old is finally starting full time school in September and thought I could get my life back then and start work too but now I have discovered that I am pregnant again and I cannot stop crying as I am unsure weather to go ahead with this pregnancy or not.

i have the support around me and the children’s father does not want anymore children and financially we are not stable either. Although he said ultimately it’s my choice. We have just moved to a bigger house as my boy now has his own room and girls share a room. Just as I thought I’m moving to my last final house now I’m pregnant which means I will have to move again as this house is not big enough. We have moved to a whole new area, which means new house, new school new area and we are settling in very well. However having another baby has thrown me a little bit and really unsure of which way to go. Looking at abortion process is also scaring me.

Can anyone tell me anything different? Or see from the outside in.

Thank you in advance

Do you want another child?

That has to be your starting spot.

If you do, you'll be able to make it work, you may end up a single parent if your DH doesnt want another one.

If you don't that's ok as well - you need to work out what you want.

How far along are you? That would inform my decision. It is absolutely your decision. Do a pros and cons list. None of us can advise you really. We all bring our own baggage to that topic.

If you are unsure then there must be a part of you wanting to continue the pregnancy and have the baby, definitely understand your worries and it’s completely normal. You’ll always make things work. That is what mums do ❤️ you’ll never regret having another but you may regret what could have been. I hope you make the right decision for you x

My first thought is that you will be EXHAUSTED for YEARS. Having young kids in your 40s is no joke. You don't have the same energy as your 30s and 20s.

Then as well as that you'll be dealing with pre-menopause and perhaps menopause. So add those symptoms (which probably include even more tiredness).

But perhaps you are a high energy person- you must be to even be contemplating this.

Your kids have just settled into a new area. Don't take their settling in well for granted. Things might not go so well next time you move them. You've got everything set up nicely for them.

You're also putting your kids financial stability at risk. And lowering what you can provide for them eg holidays. Also if you are exhausted you won't parent your existing kids as well as you want to.

It's 2025, we don't need to be popping out kids every 5 minutes anymore. We have choices and can have a better quality of life.

That's my opinion. But who knows. It's possible to have a great childhood with old parents, lots of siblings and no money. I know it's possible. But even if it does work out for the kids, I still pity how hard those parents have to work - and it wouldn't be my choice.

If it was me, I wouldn't have this baby however I am not you. I don't see why you need to move house if you decide to go ahead, it sounds like you have at least 3 bedrooms. Do what you feel is best for you and your family and own your decision, good luck

Your response resonated with me. I had twins at 42. I'm now 56 and menopausal, working full time while they are 13 and going through puberty. I'm a high energy person but it's exhausting. OP something you may wish to consider is the impact on your social capabilities. When you're an older parent it's tricky to fit in anywhere. Most of the other mums are 20 years younger and you can't do things with your peers as you have young children to care for. It's tough. Sending love and I hope you come to a decision you are at peace with 💕

Poor love it's a real dilemma.

In your case I would have an abortion. You are almost 43 and have a higher chance of having a child with special needs. Along with this another pregnancy will be harder on your own body and what happens if you need a period of bed rest or have a premature baby? What happens if this baby has special needs and you can't go back to work because they have high care needs? I have seen couples in this situation and it very hard going.
You also have to consider your own health in the next few few years as you go through per menopause and menopause.

You already have a 4,5 and 6 year old. You have recently moved house to an new area and your kids are beginning to settle in there. Your youngest child is about to start school and your planning to go back to work. You have also said that financially your finding it hard going at the moment. I gather that with moving house and living on one income with 3 small kids things are going to be tight.

I would tell your partner that you have decided to get an abortion but that he needs to get a vescotomy if he does not want to have another child.
You need to think of yourself and your health now because you already have 3 young children that need your care. As they get older the costs of food, clothes ect will only get higher.
Once your youngest goes to school you need to get back into the work force so you can help improve your families finances.